A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My b/f of 3 yrs.is continually cutting me off in the middle of something I'm saying because he says I "take too many words to tell a story"...he wants simple yes, no, and very few words. The least amount of words possible to say whatever I need to say. So forget about telling him about my day the way I've been used to doing when I was with other boyfriends. I don't think I overtalk things, but I do tend to illustrate my point sometimes with stories. I've always been confident about my speaking style but he gives me cause for self consciousness because as soon as I say one too many things, he cuts me off and I get my feelings hurt. He tells me now that if I want to get along with him, I need to learn how to communicate differently. He says I can talk like that at work or with my girlfriends, but he doesn't need the chatter. I told him that I thought a loving relationship was about each of us being free to be who we are, not change to the point that we don't recognize ourselves anymore. And if that's the case, he needs to make a few changes too. Number one, he needs to quit being so hot-headed and rude to me. I've seen him interact with people at work, and other folks we know, and I expect the same polite, sweet candor. No more taking things out on me, treating me like his verbal punching bag. Does this sound like a reasonable request for an otherwise happy union? When he's not throwing a fit about something, he can be really sweet, and thoughtful and generous. Do I get hung up on this, or just try to go along to get along? What is a reasonable request in a relationship. I haven't been in that many but I don't want to seem like I can't bend to someone else's requirements, however constricting they may seem. How do others feel about this? I would love to know.
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): I think your boyfriend is being rude cause even though I know where he is coming from, I think it is real mean the way he is expressing this to you.
Look, of course you should be able to talk to your bf and tell him about your day and stuff. But sometimes after being with someone for so long, we start treating them like a average everyday citizen, laying all our problems on them, speaking too much, and perhaps overlooking their needs in the relationship. I mean just think about when you first met your bf and how careful you were about what you said to him or didn't say. You were always concerned about saying the right things, and not wasting words, and just very self aware of yourself cause you wanted to be likeable to him. But after a long time in a relationship, people often let themselves go and get too comfortable and forget about impressing this person.
So start being more mysterious and come home in a good mood and keep the spark alive, which often doesn't require any speaking on both of your parts. He just wants you to treat him like you did when you both first met. That's all. Just be more self aware and act like you still very much care about impressing him instead of coming home and laying all your problems on him. And lighten up. Just be happy and be more aware of your self and your actions.
A
female
reader, Sams_WonderWoman  +, writes (23 January 2008):
 I also been where you are now with your bf. My bf told me that I talked too much in detail, and to shorten it up, too! But he also said some horrible things to me, that were so verbally abusive that almost ruined my self-esteem. I never had other bfs tell me that.
Maybe that is what he was treated like when he was growing up. Maybe his father did the same thing to his mother as he is doing to you. It also sounds like he is somewhat controlling you. Whatever the case may be, he shouldn't talk down to you.
You deserve to be treated with respect and be able to be your own person. Don't let him be rude to you by telling you to stop talking. When you love someone, you fell in love with them and their faults. When he gets hotheaded and rude just by you talking and you have been nothing but nice and wonderful to him..I think that it's time to kick him to the curb before your self-worth goes down the drain! That is what I did to my verbally abusive bf.
Thank God that I did, because I wouldn't have met and married the most wonderful man in the world who treats me so good and makes so happy! Every woman needs to be treated with love and respect and treated like a Queen!!
I hope things go good for you!!!
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (23 January 2008):
 These behaviors are controlling. He's attempting to control your actions to fit what he wants. A relationship, is being free to express yourself. People don't date because they want some clone like themselves, they do so because the respect the differences.
The way you can tell this, controlling behavior, is why if he is so bothered by your speaking style did you make it past the first date.
Also, as far as he treates you by talking to you as if you're suppose to stick around for his agression, NO. That needs to stop. You need to deveop your boundaries with him in how you choose to be treated. When it comes to physical or mental abuse (which being a verbal punching bag) is. You need to make that a non-negotiating area. Treat you right, or say goodbye.
No one deserves to be treated that way, and it will keep on happening to caring, loving people until the foot is put down and the options of poor treatment are eliminated.
I'm sure you talk just fine, he's the one who's overextending his rights in changing another person. It seems as if he doesn't have respect for you, because he's really not hearing what you're saying by cutting you off. Not a good sign of a relationship that will last too long.
Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 January 2008):
If you have talked to him about your sensitivity over his interference of your style,then there is nothing you can do about him , if you want to keep that relationship. If he is just a friend, you would have asked him to bugged off.
He should accept your style and leave you alone unless you are talking to him . Then you need to just go direct and use his way of communication.
He has taken you for granted .Each of us feel comfortable in talking in our own style.We are all unique and different. If he does not like it, he can find another g/f. But you love him ,you got to go along with him and learn his preferred style.
...............................
|
