A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just broke up with boyfriend, really like his best friend, best friend likes me, but doesn't know if he can be with me because his friends would hate him for it... he's out of town right now... what should I be thinking? Any hope for something happening between us?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): Thanks so much for the responses! It's a long story, and I didn't know how much of it I could squeeze in here. But the point is I really like this guy, I've known him almost as long as I've known the "ex".
It seems so frustrating to have to wait; it's even more frustrating that he's out of town, as I really want to talk to him about all this but I'm not going to bother him while he's on vacation with his family.
It's like he's being made to choose, me or his friend (actually "friends" because they have a third best friend who would side with my ex). I know he's so torn in all this, and it really is his decision to make...
I understand the waiting, that it is necessary, for both he and I (he was just "dumped" very recently too!). The only problem is, I've been with the ex on and off (mostly on) for about 2.5-3 years, we were really close, and I honestly don't see him getting over it enough to tolerate knowing that his best friend and I are together. He even told both of us, separately, that he didn't want us talking to each other.
I have a feeling he's going to "choose his friends," even though I honestly feel like he shouldn't have to. Most people will think this is f*ed up: but I really think it is none of their (my ex and the other best friend's)business if we date... It's a choice between doing what's right for him and I, and doing what's considered the standard moral "right" of not deceiving best friends. But who are we living for, honestly? I know right now that any time I spend with this guy will make us both happy - and isn't that the bloody point? If we can't be together we'd be very regretful about the whole thing, and I just think it would be a terrible shame to pass up such a rewarding opportunity for the both of us.
He knows how I feel about it, and when he gets back in the state, I will definatly be honest with him about how I feel about all of this; he pretty much knows how I feel anyway, but I want him to know that even though I really, really want to give this a chance, I will respect his decision, if it is to oblige his friends' wishes and have nothing to do with me...
My philosophy is don't torture yourself thinking about and analyzing the things you can't control (i.e. someone else's decision). It's so hard to get him off my mind, infatuation can be so troublesome!! He's a good person and definatly my type, very committed when in a relationship.
Let's just hope no matter what happens, we can all (eventually) learn to be happy with the decisions made.
Thanks again for taking the time to read this and comment, please leave more comments on any of the above, the more opinions I get the better!
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (28 June 2007):
 If you like each other then maybe you could just give it a bit of time, let the dust settle a little.
After that i can not see the problem with you having a relationship as these things happen, as long as you both take his feelings into consideration and don't rub his face in it.
Take care.x.
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A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (28 June 2007):
You don't really spell out what's going on with the break-up between you and your bf. So it will be pretty hard for anyone to give you any advice. You need to paint more of a verbal picture of what is really going on,Ok.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): if it was really meant to be, he wouldnt care what other people would say. you should be very up front with him and tell him that if he really likes you, he should act on that feeling.
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