A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My aunt introduced me to her husband's nephew 9mos.ago,he is a 4yr divorced man with 2kids,I also have a 13yr old son that's why get along so well. We were talking,messaging online for 8 mos until we decided to meet in Barcelona last week,he flew all the way from U.S to Barcelona and arrived there 1 day before me. But I had a problem with my documents so I didn't make it there. We were both so disappointed and I got so depressed bec. he decided to go back to U.S instead of flying here in Italy. Then I cried so much and messaging him everyday but he doesn't want to respond anymore. Then he sent me an email saying, he was really disappointed on how I acted and wondering why I made this drama and I suddenly turned so ugly ugly. And it occurred to him that he doesn't want this drama in his life. I was trying to explain my side but he never gave me that chance even if I begged him. He said he wants to give closure to whatever questions I may still have about our feelings for each other and he'd like to remain as friends with me moving forward bec. he was never in the same place as I am for him even at the beginning until at the end. And that he cannot force himself to love me. I was in shock for days now and I can hardly understand why he changed his mind completely after all the sweetness he has shown me these past months? I did not accepted his friendship bec.it's hurting me until now. Do you think he really didn't have the same feelings for me after all this time and why it is so easy for him to dumped me so quick that he never gave me the chance to be with him again and to know each other more.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 February 2017):
 Honestly you barely know this man, yes you shared an emotional connection over a computer but that was it. You cannot possibly love him as you have never even met him. You may love the idea off being with him but that is all.
There really is no point being friends. Just end contact and go out and meet people in real life not over the internet.
You are not depressed, you are just feeling down at the moment. It will pass. I wish you a happy future.
A
female
reader, Dumpedquickly +, writes (13 February 2017):
Sei una persona meravigliosa! I just woke up to prepare for work and you made me cry a lot at 5am Lol!!
With these beautiful and heartfelf words of advise..I suddenly found a true friend with it who really cares for the person who feels so unloved, ugly and no worth right now. Thank you so so so much for spending time answering this long and gave you your heart for someone who don't really know like me. You're such an angel cara mia. I am sure that you are a very beautiful person and may GOD bless you more with these wonderful heart for you to share more with other people. Grazie mille..ma tantissimo teroso...Abbracci fortissimo.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2017): You sound like a nice person. I am an Italian girl too. Both parents were born in Italy and moved to Canada, where I was born. But I have been fortunate enough to have travelled to Italy many times and I am fluent in Italian. :)I'd like to give you a word of advice.You are too nice to be waiting for a man who lives an ocean away who fills your head with words and dreams. He has another life. He is not who you think he is. Anyone can present themselves as they want you to see them over the internet or via a "long distance" relationship where you are not part of each other's real life. It is all a façade, which is carefully crafted by an individual. Why? Because they have a purpose, an end game, a goal in mind. Sex. Presenting himself in his best light is what he WAS doing until he revealed his true colours after you were unable to meet him.I am like you. I am a dreamer. I fall in love quickly but more so with the fairy tale. I do fear this man will disappoint you. He is made to be the perfect man in your own head. In your own heart. In reality, he is not this man. It is the story you have scripted for yourself. The love story you wish it to be. Reality is not this way.How do I see it?I see it as him expecting to meet you and spend his time with you having a fling and sex. Then he goes back home and you do not know what he does after that. How could you ever trust a man like this? Who lives his life away from you? This would be too difficult. He was obviously very upset because he flew all the way there and could not fulfill the fantasy he was expecting to have with you. No man would be that mean after what happened. No man that really cares about you would behave that selfishly and egotistically. Disappointed? Sure. But he behaved in excess of this. A man who cares would take your word for it. He would try to understand your position. He would not just cut you off cold. This man was just pissed off he did not get his way. With you. And now he is trying to "punish" you for something you had no control over. Of course you did not plan for this to happen. You were prepared to meet him. But he acting like a big child who is stomping his feet. Pretty immature if you ask me and not the type of man you would want to have a serious relationship with. Looks to me like he carries a lot of baggage. Funny how he thinks he is the only man in the world for you! That is laughable. There are plenty of men I am sure who would find you highly attractive! Men who are closer to home!A man who claims to love you would put up with drama from you. Lots of it. Men do it everyday for the women they love. We are often high maintenance! ;) He wanted an easy fling. Now, he is moving on and trying to make you feel bad about it.You don't need a man like this!Italy is a country full of romantic, handsome and sexy men! I am so sure you could find a good guy close to home. A man who would be there for you to meet all your needs. Not a man you cry over, long for and continue to beg for his affection. This is not love. You deserve better. I believe in dreams too but sometimes being alone until the right one comes is the best thing we can do for ourselves. It will save us misery and heartbreak. And keep us whole and happy for the man who notices us. :)We all want to meet our Prince Charming so much that sometimes we accept the fantasy version of the man in front of us without seeing the TRUE MAN he really is.Hope my perspective has helped to shed some light on your future choices.Abbracci. xo
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2017): Thank u..I really need all the advise and comfort that I can get from u guys. I feel so worthless these past few days. I need to get over this and regain self-confidence that I lost bec. of this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2017): This bloke dumped you when he sat in the hotel and realised that he came all that way and he wasnt going to get his wicked way with you.But on top of that he wanted you to feel guilty!He needed to feel as if he were the golden goose you couldnt have.Maybe he even hoped you'd be sharing his bed and providing spends.Very probably he went out on the pull the next night looking for a quick hookup!Fine words of his, but no substance.His letter is not how you communicate with someone you love.It has a high handed moralistic tone and is suppossed to make you feel guilty.He is a manipulator you should avoid.But if you are masochistic then go ahead and make yourself miserable in memory of all the other nasty ways he could blame you for not being there to tend to his needs.
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female
reader, Dumpedquickly +, writes (12 February 2017):
Anyway guys..thank you all so much for your time. FYI..I decided before as early as possible to avoid him for 2 wks, bec. he it seemed that he doesn't really knows what he wanted. But after 2 wks he messaged me again saying, he really likes me, and he would not talk to me if he knows there could be something more. He asked me another chance for moving forward and wanted to take it slow..and so I did..now he'll just dumped me like this? Sorry if I'm being so hardheaded..I was really just hurt and I just needed someone to talk to. More power to this site and to all of you guys.
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female
reader, Dumpedquickly +, writes (12 February 2017):
Thanks Youcannotbeserious..But for me, "drama" is just something u r creating just to be noticed like what they do in soap operas.."unreal".. I cried and begged bec. he doesn't gave me the chance to explain my side and suddenly shutted me off. Here are some of his message' "I am writing you because I want to explain my actions and to hopefully answer any questions you may have. I also want to bring closure to any feelings that may still be in question between us. I went to Barcelona because I wanted to see you after all these months. I wanted to meet you and get to know you more.... and spend time with you to see where our relationship may go. That's it plain and simple. Nothing more and nothing less. No expectations remember?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (12 February 2017):
 Sorry, but you seriously don't see what is "drama" about crying and begging?
You hardly know this man. Let him go. He is not for you. Draw a line under the whole experience and forget him.
Look for someone nearer home.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2017): Thank you so much Aunty..that is exactly what I am doing right now..but I won't lie that I'm still in love with him and hurting. But this is the exact thing for me to do. It's been so long since I felt this kind of love again..(10 yrs to be exact) that's why I am so disappointed and hurt. I never dated anyone for 10 yrs, and this is really sad for me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2017): This is his actual letter..I am writing you because I want to explain my actions and to hopefully answer any questions you may have. I also want to bring closure to any feelings that may still be in question between us.I went to Barcelona because I wanted to see you after all these months. I wanted to meet you and get to know you more.... and spend time with you to see where our relationship may go. That's it plain and simple. Nothing more and nothing less. No expectations remember? So when I finally arrived in Barcelona after a very long flight, I was very excited to see you. Then when you called the next day telling me that you couldn't make it.... wtf??! Needless to say I was extremely, extremely disappointed. After all this time and traveling so far, I still won't be able to see you?? Anyways, as I told you I don't blame you because I knew it wasn't your fault. I thought about all the options that I had that night. It came down to this: Do I stay in Barcelona or do I go to Italy? As you know I decided to stay. I did this for two reasons. I didn't want to add an extra flight to my trip which would mean that it would add more time and an extra flight on my return home. Can you imagine taking almost 20 hours and 3 different planes to get home??? Plus the extra cost of the new ticket. Ultimately it was mainly because I knew that I would also see you in two months in the PI. I figured that we waited this long so why can we wait just another two months. There were just too many things complicating the trip this time around and knowing that I would see you again soon in a few months made sense.... so I made my decision to stay. Just so you know, I didn't decide to go home early until after I made this decision. I figured, my main reason I went to Barcelona was to see you. Once that wasn't going to happen, why stay here longer than I have to? So I looked for an earlier fight back and saw such a cheap flight back, that I knew my decision made sense.... fateBut before telling you my decision the next day, I got a message from you that morning telling me that you will understand if I decide not to go to Italy. I was happy to hear that because although I felt bad about my decision, I knew you would understand. So I told you that I was going to stay in Barcelona. Then things got weird.... you suddenly turned very very ugly. I don't need to replay what happened. All I could think of then is what happened all of the sudden?So why didn't I respond? Honestly, what else needed to be said? I already made my decision. And I didn't want to ruin what's left of my vacation messaging you especially since I know how weird you were acting already. It was totally weird and ugly! Honestly though, my reaction would have been different if you had acted the way would originally said you were going to act and was more understanding as well. Remember that I was the one the came all this way! Things would have definitely been different between us. Think about that for a moment.....Then it occurred to me.... I DON'T need this drama! I don't want this kind of drama in my life. You know all the things that I've gone through before, now why would I want to bring more drama like this into my life? And how much worse would things get between us if you are acting like this now and we are only starting our relationship?? So there it is..... I would like to remain friends with you moving forward but I'm not sure if that is even possible now. So I will leave it up to you if friendship is something you want. I will understand either way. Thank you for being such a good friend to me these past months.... you helped me get through some tough times. Thank you..... for everything.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 February 2017):
 Don't remain friends, why would you when you are hurting so much over this. If he is no longer interested in a relationship block his number, delete him from your phone and move forward.
If at some stage in the future you happen to be in the same room as him (because of family ties) be polite as the situation dictates but no more.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2017): Thanks for your time answering my question Honeypie..I have permit to stay expired on the first wk of Jan.,I already asked for the renewal and it's on process ubtil now..before, we can travel with just receipt of the renewal, but now, the immigrations says that it has been changed. He believed in me with this, but what he really pissed him off is that, if only I was originally acted the way I told him to be understanding that he decided not to come here in Italy(he said) ..things bet. us would have been different. Like he pulled away bec. he doesnt want any drama in his life anymore. I was disappointed so much that's why I cried and became depress..what's the drama with that?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 February 2017):
 I think he doesn't believe whatever story you tried to tell him about WHY you didn't show. What kind of documentation do you need to travel from Italy to Spain? If you are an "EU national" all you need is either passport or National Id card and I can't imagine ANYONE booking or planning to travel and NOT have these things in order.
So my guess is he didn't believe your excuse and felt like a total MUG to have traveled from the US to Spain to see you and YOU are a no-show.
However, that may be irrelevant now. IF he all of a sudden is no longer interested, BLOCK, DELETE and move on.
Staying friends wouldn't be a good idea, so stick to just removing him from your life. And maybe? I think it might be a good idea if you date someone CLOSER to your own geographical location of you have so much trouble getting from Italy to Spain.
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