A
female
age
36-40,
*e
writes:My boyfriend is accusing me of cheating and I'm honestly not I've even ask to give him a lie detector test, one minute he's down for it then the next he doesn't,he says he knows everything that i did cause he's a scorpio and he's very intuitive... Which i think is a bunch of crock..i've even gone as far now as saying i did the things he said which now i know I've made it worst..i don't know what to do and it's disturbing and i need to find away to get him to believe me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 December 2016):
 Your boyfriend is insecure and paranoid, and yes it has made it much more worse telling him you have because he will never forget your admission.
Truth be told honey he is never going to trust you. There is not much you can do to make him trust you, he needs to figure that one out for himself, and it looks like he will never trust you again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2016): First off let me say don't jump to conclusions by believing your boyfriend is the one cheating just because he has accused you. That is not necessarily the case. If you believed this, then you would be just as bad as him.That is not the issue here.Have you been together a long time? And what kind of a relationship do you have? Do you spend quality time together? Do you do things which might make him uneasy? Do you play a hand in this at all? Just asking. Are you away from him a lot? Too flirty with friends or colleagues? Secretive? Commitment phobe? Do you place attention on him and his needs? Make him feel special? Safe? Have you experienced a disconnect lately for any reason? Over on his end, has a past partner cheated on him and he is very intuitive (or paranoid rather) because he fears all women will cheat on him? Does he come from a family background where cheating happened? Has he gone through hard times where he has lost some self esteem or confidence in himself? He could be insecure about himself or in your love for him. Do you give him reason to be insecure? Or are the issues all his own? Has something changed lately? Have you been spending time with a new friend? Talking about someone else? Have there been any changes in your routine or behaviour to cause him worry? He may have picked up on something that is pretty benign to you but in his eyes could have him concerned.You need to discover the root for his accusations. And work from there.If you love each other, you will be able to have a long, honest talk about where it comes from and work to resolve the issues. It can be done. If he is willing. Just as you are. It takes time to build trust but if both parties carry their weight and do their part, I think that chances for success are very good. As long as it does not become a pattern where he is constantly accusing you, then at that point it becomes abusive. And you must re-evaluate.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (10 December 2016):
 Actually you need to find a way to get out of this relationship - and FAST!
Why are you allowing him to treat you with such total disrespect? It will only get worse.
From my experience, HE is probably the one doing the cheating. Dump him and find someone who treats you with respect.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 December 2016):
 I fully agree with Auntie BimBim
He isn't going to "let" you change his mind. He is accusing you for a reason. Either to control you, put you on notice, make you defensive or because he is really convinced you cheated.
Staying with him won't PROVE anything. It will, however, make you miserable.
YOUR partner doesn't trust you at all - how is that a good thing in a relationship?
You are wasting your breath and time trying to convince him.
...............................
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (9 December 2016):
 Admitting to something you did not do was a mistake, because now you have told him two different stories (I didn't do it, I did do it) and one of those by definition was a lie. Not only that, he knows you lied to him because both stories cannot possibly be true.
Now add in the fact that your boyfriend is evidently a person who is willing to believe astrological predictions over the word of his committed partner and I'm afraid you have a huge uphill battle rebuilding any trust in this relationship. Even if you somehow manage to convince him this time around, the next time he doesn't believe something (or wants attention from you or the opportunity to manipulate you) he can just make something else up, say his intuition makes him right, and watch you jump through whatever hoops trying to convince him otherwise.
I don't think that's fair or healthy for you at all. And so I second Aunty BimBim - you're better off leaving this situation and finding someone who will actually respect your integrity and your word.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2016): "i need to find away to get him to believe me"
You can't "get him" to do anything.
He's trying to control you, putting you on the defensive to the point where you'll feel obligated to account for every minute you spend apart from him, which is exactly what he wants.
And when a guy constantly accuses his girlfriend of cheating, that usually means HE's cheating on her.
This is a huge red flag. Dump him before it gets any worse, and it WILL get worse if you stay with him.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 December 2016):
 Trust is a tricky thing. If he can't trust your word then he'll always suspect the worst. You may want to look around for a guy that takes you for your word.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 December 2016):
 Why stuff around with somebody who doesn't accept your word and accuses you of cheating when they have nothing but intuition.
Quite frankly if somebody is determined to believe you are not telling the truth there is not a lot you can do to change their mind.
What is he basing his accusations on?
Are you sure he isn't the one cheating and this is his way of shifting the blame onto you?
Don't waste any more time on him, it sounds like its time to walk.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (9 December 2016):
Why stuff around with somebody who doesn't accept your word and accuses you of cheating when they have nothing but intuition.
Quite frankly if somebody is determined to believe you are not telling the truth there is not a lot you can do to change their mind.
What is he basing his accusations on?
Are you sure he isn't the one cheating and this is his way of shifting the blame onto you?
Don't waste any more time on him, it sounds like its time to walk.
...............................
|
