A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over two years. He is currently studying for the bar exam. He's had an attitude with me for the last week which I let go because he's under a lot of stress lately. Yesterday, I had my grandmother's birthday party to attend and he asked to ride with me because he had some business in the same town. I agreed of course. I waited for him over two hours and he didn't show, he lives only 30 minutes away. I kept calling and calling and then he told me this story about leaving his phone at work and going back to get it. Yet, he didn't call me when he got his phone to tell him he's running late. Eventually he tells me that I should just leave without him, but I wait another 30 mins before leaving hoping he would make it.So, I leave and make it to the party three hours late. I call him later on to check and see if he ever made it to his meeting. He doesn't answer. I call him several times and receive no response then I began to worry when i still haven't heard from him this morning. I'm calling, texting, and emailing by the afternoon in a complete panic. He was supposed to fly out to take his test late afternoon (He's taking the bar in another state). Before I start calling hospitals, I have an idea to call him from a different number and he answers like nothing is wrong. I'm in such shock, I hang up. I call back from my phone and no answer. How petty and childish is this? He was literally ignoring my calls and texts. I was freaking out and he couldn't even text me a "Hey, I'm alright, I will call you later".I flipped out and pretty much wrote an email breaking up with him.
View related questions:
at work, grandmother, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (27 February 2012):
 At first, I assumed that he was just busy and stressed out. BUT... the fact that he answered for a different number but not yours, speaks volumes. Clearly, he was blatantly avoiding and ignoring you. Give him space. Don't call, text, or e-mail him ANYTHING until he contacts you. See how long it takes. But, it sounds like your break up letter isn't such a bad idea. He sounds like a tool. If my boyfriend did that, I would definitely dump him.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 February 2012):
 There are two parts to my answer, so before you freak out and get upset at my first part, stay and read the second part through to the end.
How often do you call him??? Studying for the bar is more stressful and time-consuming than college finals. Huge college debt, failing the bar means you can't enter the livelihood for which you studied and went to law school for. You were calling him over and over again on the day he has to take his test??
Has he been treating you like this since before the bar exam, or is this happening just this past week or two while he's studying for the bar? I know that if I were in your position and my boyfriend were studying for something as stressful as this, I wouldn't call him at all, nor would I be inviting him to family functions. I'd send out an email and/or a text telling him to hang in there and that I love him. Then I'd wait until the exam was over and reconnect then.
That being said, (here's the second part) he should have the stones to tell you that contact will be limited. This isn't attitude, this is reality. If he's overstressed and nervous about the bar, spending money on a plane ticket, his student loan balance is several tens of thousands of dollars, I think stressed would be a massive understatement. He should have told you that talking on the phone is limited. He shouldn't have kept you in limbo regarding your grandma's birthday.
By the way, breaking up by email is a chicken thing to do. You break up face to face unless you're in a long distance relationship, in which case you do it by phone. But unless he's already taken the bar exam and it's over, don't break up with him. Back off, stop calling, stop contact, and wait.
If the bar exam is over, and he's still treating you by dodging your calls, then it's time to have the talk. YESTERDAY and TODAY...the two most important days of his career up until this point, he shouldn't have gone to your grandmother's party. He should be home with his books and studying and cramming and staying focused. You calling over and over and over I'm sure didn't help at all.
Sorry, but I hope your relationship didn't take permanent damage because of this. Hopefully you two can talk it out, and I hope he passed the exam. It's a massive major high stress deal, and the lawyer friends I know personally spend a couple of months almost in perfect hermit-ness studying for it. One of my friends and I were up all night the day after her bar because she was so freaked out and coming down off of the extreme stress. But I didn't talk to her for over a month prior, and she was one of my closest friends!
Sometimes the best support for someone is to back off, let them have their space, and hope for the best for them!
...............................
A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (26 February 2012):
 Hmmm not good.
But I wouldnt rush into anything if I were you. Lets see how this plays out.
But if it stays like this for atleast a week, dump him
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): this sounds strange, unless he has reason to dread your calls or texts. do you tend to call or text him in general way more often than he likes? do you tend to freak out if he doesn't call you back or text you back? if yes, then he probably dreads your calls and texts which is why he deliberately was ignoring you this time, because this was of all days the day he was flying out to take the bar exam.
you must have had an inkling of his deliberate ignoring of you, otherwise why would you even think to "test" him by calling from a different phone? If I were in a real panic because it's SO not like him not to call back that the only explanation must be that he's dead, the last thing on my mind would be to think to play "gotcha" by calling from a different phone.
I'm guessing that there's been a history in your relationship of him disliking receiving your calls and texts. if so, and if this day was, of all days, the day that he's flying out to take his bar exam then it sounds to me that his behavior was hardly new in the context of your relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, amandang1208 +, writes (26 February 2012):
 Honey,
He is a stupid asshole. If he cared anything about you he would never ignore your calls. Leave him and move on. No excuses, don't take that crap. You can do better!!
...............................
|
