A
female
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anonymous
writes:I think that my relationship is about to end. After, 5 years of being there for my bf, going back and forth to visit him, and opened my heart to him; it has finally reached an end... or so I think... The problem is that he does not forgive my past. He tells me that I was too easy while on college and he just happens to be part of my college years as friends. I had enough with his accusations; and got tired of having to explain myself over and over again, like if I were a criminal and guilty. I did nothing wrong and he does not seem to understand that I love him and that the past is the past.Do you think we have a chance in making it? I don't know how to overcome this. I am depressed and sad, and can't sleep.. it is just crazy...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): I can understand what you are going through and its easy to say "just dump him" but after 5 years this is easier said than done... does he not have a past? of course he does, it seems to me that he has taken advantage of your honesty as i bet u told him everything... silly... you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty about the past, its just this guys insecurities and own issues, and if he cant let go of your past that's his loss, you deserve to be happy and don't need someone like him, in future be as honest as you want but some things are better left unsaid, BE WITH SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOU HAPPY... if you cant talk to him and find it easier to ger responses from strangers he obviously isn't right. Your partner should be the 1 who loves you unconditionally, no matter what. move on babe xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): Hi
The JUDGE tells you he can not forgive your past...tell him to Fxxx off. He is a complete brainless moron and is enjoying bullying you and trying to crush you. Yes you feel sad and depressed and guilty BECAUSE of this idiot...you have got NO CHANCE of having a happy relationship with him...and as he crushes your self esteem he will feel bigger. Go and enjoy your self and feel no GUILT ...your right you have done NOTHING wrong BUT HE HAS...morons like this are so sad and ten a penny.
Via con dios.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (6 April 2009):
 In a way, he is very insecure about himself in this relationship. If your past did not include him, you should not have to apologize to him. Particularly if you did nothing to harm him (since he was not part of the equation in your life in college at the time).
As the male anon wrote. this will him eat him again and again. Unfortunately, you have spent the last 5 years proving to him that your past is your past, and the present and future is with him and only him. Yet, he still could not overcome his insecurity. And it is not right either, for him to put his own insecurities on your shoulders.
If he's open to it, you could ask him to see a relationship counselor to work this out. If he declines that suggestion, then as you said, you only have the strength and patience that can carry your tolerance so far.
Please stay strong, for yourself.
Cat
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (6 April 2009):
 It's a common problem, and comes up here a lot. Unfortunately there is very little you can do, it's really up to him to get over his negative emotions. Which can be very difficult, and for some impossible.
If you look in my post history and also the history of troubledtoomuch...
http://www.dearcupid.org/people/troubledtoomuch
... you will find many discussions about this. However, it is up to you to get him to read some, and to take the step of deciding he wants to overcome this. Without his willingness and determination to admit it is his issue and work to change, it's not going to go away.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): He probably "understands" just fine at the thinking level. But he's dealing with natural emotions that don't just obey logic and stop hurting him because there's a logical reasoning.The term for this is Retroactive Jealousy. There has been a lot of questions about it on here in the past.He has no right to mistreat you over it. But it's also something that you should try to be understanding about. It's not something that he can just stop feeling any time he wants. Emotions don't work that way. The reason he can't "forgive" you for something that you shouldn't even have to feel guilty about is because it still hurts him every day right now in the present. That causes him a lot of anger and frustration at you whether you rationally deserve it or not. If he just got mad about it an hour ago, it's because he just thought about it an hour ago and he felt that emotional pain hitting him AGAIN right then. He just has to cope with it the best he can, but it's not easy.
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