A
female
age
30-35,
*oimoimoi
writes:We lived together for about 7 months. He had an old friend. He slept with her once, if he's not lying, and she got pregnant. Then she left to her country which is Russia. He's divorced 33 year old guy and he always wanted a baby but didnt grt one in the last marriage. I don't know what the hell happened between them but he tells her he's in love with her and wanna have a family etc etc. When im with him every single day. Of course she also doesnt know about me. When i found out, i slapped him. May times. I got furious. He slapped me back like 4 times. And then he started crying and apologized. But they've been planning to be together. She was coming from Russia. I'm a 21 year ood college girl. She's 25 and just got her masters degree. He keeps saying the only reason he didn't plan a future witg me was because im too young and he doesnt want to take away my future. He kept saying if I was 5 years older he'd asked me to marry him. But it sounds like bullshit. I feel like i was never good enough for him to commit. But he said he was definitely in love with me. But he says now he has a family and what else can he say to a woman who has his child. So thats the priority and i should back off. Of course I left. But I definitely feel like shit and I am devastated and I wish they dont work out. I wish they are miserable. So i told her that hes been with me for the last 2 months lying to both of us. But now shr is living with him. I totally stopped contacting him but i heard they are happy. I have never felt this furious. I want to stop this but i cant stop wishing their unhappiness. How do i stop this? Is god fair?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 Yes you were a stop gap as you call it, someone to keep his bed warm til his Russian GF can get back or he found someone "better" suited for him.
Dump the "old" fart and find yourself someone closer to your own age.
And quit with the hitting that is NO way to resolve your problems.
And honestly, it's OK to feel mad and used, but you need to let that hatred go, because it's NOT helping you move on. The girl did NOTHING to you, the GUY however played you and used you. BE glad that he is out of your life.
Let it go. Look for your own happiness instead of wasting time wishing then unhappiness.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): "I want to stop this but i cant stop wishing their unhappiness. How do i stop this?"You are begrudging the very existence of an innocent child because her father played you for a fool.The baby was been born with one strike already against him/her by having a lying cheating scumbag for a father. Don't cause any more problems for an innocent kid by giving ex's baby mama any more unnecessary grief. She's going to get enough being stuck with him as her baby daddy for the next eighteen years. "Is god fair?"Things could be worse. You could have been the one knocked up by that lying cheating scumbag, and then his kid would not only have a lying, cheating louse for a father but also a self-absorbed, petty, vindictive, immature, whining crybaby for a mother. Count your blessings, learn your lessons, and for God's (always capitalized) sake GROW UP!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 Leave god out of this, if there's a god, I bet he's got way better things to worry about than the love skermishes between you and your Russian rival.
Yes, he's been bullshitting you. Yes, he has very probably been using you . Anyway, if he hasn't, now he has made his choice, that is to stay with the mother of his child and make a family with her, and apparently it's working out for them.
It happens. People lie. Other people are too ready to believe them, or to misinterpret what they really mean, because of wishful thinking. It happens. It happens more often when people are impulsive and just jump into living together without having taken very well each other's measures.
In your case, if this guy pushes your buttons to the point of making you physically aggressive, and if he is so ready to hit you back... send a thankful thought to the Russian girl, she cut short a relationship will all the potential to becoime very unhealthy.
You don't have to be happy for them, that would be asking too much, but you should at least not to be unhappy for yourself. This guy was not a right match for you, and whether 14 years age of difference are too many or not, ..they are too many in HIS opinion. There was no future with him, and ,even if you had to find it out in a traumatic way,.. at least you found that out, - better sooner than later; be grateful for that.
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