A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupidMy bf broke up with me yesterday. We had our share of ups and downs. I wanted to make the relationship work, but he doesn't want to.He did'nt give me any reason for breakup, he just said that he doesn't want to see my face or hear my voice anymore and that I am annoying, I don't look good and he cant go out with me because of my looks. i put on few pounds in the past few months, i am trying very hard to reduce my weightI am very depressed, i don't want to beg him to take me back, but i did that too. I hate myself for doing that. but i miss him terribly, he is enjoying out with his friends. i am sitting at home and crying my eyes out. Please help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): Well regardless of his reasons,its over, and by the sounds of it you've had a very lucky escape.
Obviously your rock bottom just now, but he doesn't deserve your love. Yes - time is a great healer.
You say your dieting, well do it for you, not anybody else, you can exercise too, join a gym or just go running. Get your hair done differently, buy something new
But not till you've cried all you need, watched soppy films and bitched with your friends, whatever it takes - look on it as a fresh start a new begining.
It could take months to get over him properly - but don't contact him in that time, just delete everything about him and get on with getting over him and on with your life...
A
female
reader, Auntie5 +, writes (16 February 2012):
First, I'm really sorry that this happened to you.
He sounds superficial and immature, if you've gained a few pounds and suddenly he thinks you're not good enough for him.
I know this is hard, but don't contact him. Block his number on your phone, block him from emailing you and sending you messages on Facebook, block him from everything! Plus, unfriend him and delete his phone number/email address/etc. etc. etc. Whatever you do, don't try to have one more conversation with him to get "closure". What he said to you already was very hurtful. He most likely won't apologize for it, and anything else he says will also be hurtful.
You'll be sad and depressed for awhile, but then you'll start feeling better. How long "awhile" is varies from person to person. Don't rush into dating again, just to "have someone". Allow yourself time to heal so your next relationship will start off on the right foot. Eventually you'll meet someone who loves and respects you, and treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
Some suggestions for getting through the healing time (take the ones that interest you and leave the rest):
1. Spend time with your friends and family.
2. Start exercising more (it releases endorphins and makes you feel better).
3. Have some chocolate (also releases endorphins) but don't binge (that will ultimately make you feel worse).
4. Meditate.
5. Sign up for that class you've always wanted to take, whether it's yoga or Spanish literature.
6. Get counseling if you feel you need it.
7. Find an organization nearby and volunteer: walk dogs or play with the cats at the animal shelter; cook for the local soup kitchen; visit residents at a nursing home; read to first graders; join a political campaign. You get the idea--whatever interests you! There's something about volunteering--possibly the feeling that you're being useful and making a difference?--that's an antidote for depression.
Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): You might want to go on a diet, get a make over, and then troll him by hooking up with his friends.
Or find a guy who likes fat girls. You can't change a man's preferences.
A lot of people are going to tell you that you don't need him and whatever. They're right. What you need to do is take care of yourself for yourself.
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A
female
reader, Latti +, writes (16 February 2012):
My heart goes out to you.....& I fill your pain. I hope I can encourage you during this hurtful time.
He did tell you why he wanted to break up with you...& you have to accept it at face value. He's annoyed & no longer attracted. He wanted to move on.
I know your heart is aching....but you don't want to be with a person...who does NOT want to be with you! You'll hurt more & longer trying to convince him to stay with you. And the end result will be the same...or worse! Would you rather he cheated & play mind games & drag you along for a very uncomfortable ride to nowhere?
I know you can't see it now, but he did you a favor! Greive the way you need to & move on. Work on yourself! Yes....hit the gym....unwanted weight makes us feel worthless & depressed. Once you start working on you......you'll feel awesome & it helps the healing process.
A good book to pick up is " Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argrov. You can do it & you will survive him.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (16 February 2012):
 "He did'nt give me any reason for breakup, he just said that he doesn't want to see my face or hear my voice anymore and that I am annoying, I don't look good and he cant go out with me because of my looks"
Read your statement and you will recognize that he gave you several reasons as to why he left. He left you because:
1. He no longer wants to see you
2. He finds you annoying
3. He does not like the way you look
It may not be reasons you like or reasons that you wanted to hear, but you need to accept them. Cry, be depressed for a while; it's all normal. No one feels great after being dumped and it takes some time to heal.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (16 February 2012):
 Well sweetie, even though you say "he didn't even give me any reason for breaking up," it certainly sounds like he did. It was very cruel, but he told you that you are annoying and he doesn't like your looks.
So with those reasons, why would you want to get back together with a jerk like that?
It's going to be rough for the next few weeks, so take it one step at a time. Keep busy with school, your family and friends. Delete him from facebook and delete him from your phone to avoid seeing him or being tempted to talk to him. Healing does take time, so just keep your head up and know that there will be light at the end of the tunnel.
And don't let him get to you. Just because he doesn't find you attractive, doesn't mean that you are not attractive.
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