A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This may seem like I'm being vindictive so I'd like to explain a bit of history behind my query...My mother is a toxic woman- my sister and I were mentally and physically abused by her as children leading us both to suffer with anxiety issues. My sister who was very young at the time "doesn't remember" everything so doesn't have any resentment towards our mother like I do.My mother would always take us to church and make out we were a happy family when behind closed doors she would always shout and hit us. I'm not saying me and my sister were angels but we weren't bad kids and didn't deserve the constant abuse. My mother once hit me so hard across my face that her ring mark was embed in my cheek for 2 days before it faded).Even now in our adult life she criticises and interferes constantly.Several years ago I discovered she was having an affair with a colleague of hers which she admitted to - he was single and she married to my dad. At the time I kept quiet - she told me it was "just a bit of fun" and there was nothing to it.Recently I found out she has started seeing him again as i saw a text message from her to him whilst she gave me her phone to download an app. She doesn't know that I know.When I went on his Facebook page I could see he is now married with a child... I felt sick. I also found his wife's page.So here's my dilemma- I'm so tempted to contact his wife (anonymously) and tell her what's been going on! I know I sound vindictive and I guess part of me wants revenge on my mother for fooling everyone that she was the perfect woman and making other people look bad when in fact she is the culprit! I also feel sorry for this guys wife and for my dad.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2015): I don't know if it's a good idea telling his wife like that as it's not coming from a place of good intention toward her and her children, it's because you are angry and want to get back at your mother.
I can completely understand why you want to mind! She sounds like an awful person.
Maybe you could tell your mother that if she doesn't stop you will actually tell him. If that doesn't work could you message the man instead and say you know what's going on?
He would probably be terrified of this and realise that he's one step closer to being found out.
Don't let anger and bitterness cloud your judgement.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2015): Don't know about been vindictive but it would be bloody funny.
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A
female
reader, ellsie96 +, writes (30 December 2015):
 Unfortunately it's not your secret to tell and it is clear you're not just doing this for the sake of the man's wife and child so no, I don't think you should tell her, you don't have the right. Sorry.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (30 December 2015):
 No
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (30 December 2015):
 Right action Wrong reason. Affairs thrive in secrets. Bringing them into the light is the best way to end them. Exposure is the first step to healing. Send Proof, not just accusations. Physical copies of the texts at least. Photos if you can manage it. His wife deserves to know. She has the right to make her decision based on real facts. She should also be advised to gather more information before confronting him. If your mother is still married your Father deserves the same.
Are you willing to be the person to do this?
FA
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