A
female
age
36-40,
*ina turner
writes:I am four month pregnant with my boyfriends baby, I found Messages on his facebook suggesting he was doing something.I've asked him and he says he hasn't, I have asked her and she tells me that he has been seeing her and that they have had sex more than once. I've asked my boyfriend to take me to her house to confront her and ask her why she is making rumours up that are destroying our relationship but he refuses. Has he slept with her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): Look you need clarity either way, yes you are the the right track by asking your boyfriend to confront her togetherMake it clear to him that if she is indeed telling lies that it will affect your relationship untill it is cleared up. Don't take no for an anwser, explain that it doesn't mean you think he is guilty but it is fair enough to find out for yourself.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 May 2011):
 Leave the woman alone. And leave your man to be with her, this isn't right, and this guy of yours is not worth keeping.
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A
female
reader, fatelove77  +, writes (31 May 2011):
I feel for you, as this situation is terrible...but it's time to face the truth and what you know is true deep down. I'd just tell him you know it's true, and that you'll speak to himw hen he is ready to admit it and talk to you about it. Otherwise, there's no point to speak. You are going to be weak, as you're pregnant and don't want to raise a baby alone, but wouldn't you rather be alone than have an example like that in your life?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): Hi, plse don't this about HER, its about your bf cheating on you.
You are now venting and projecting all your anger/hurt towards this girl and not the father of your baby.
You know in your heart of hearts that he cheated on you. What are u now going to do about it?
LoveGirl
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): if you can contact her do soooo ask her if you guys can meet up and then talk to her about everything she was talking about if you felt she was right then try to put them together so everything will be clear... please don't stay with him if it turns out that he is a cheater if he wasn't honest and faithful before getting married and while you were carrying his baby i don't think he will ever be..I wish things go clear for you and best of luck hun
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female
reader, Tina turner +, writes (31 May 2011):
Tina turner is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOnly if she didnt wanna get involved why is she still showing an interest in him txt in me and tellin me to give him his simcard back and tha he doesn't want me butnyet we spend all night together
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (31 May 2011):
I agree with fatelove, she doesn't want to say yes or no to you because she is trying to stay out of it. She knows that if she says yes, you will probably leave him, and she doesn't want to be the reason for that. She doesn't want to get involved.
I'm thinking she might not have known about you before now. I'm also thinking she doesn't want to say yes or no because she thinks you already DO know that he cheated, so why should she engage herself in this matter even further? She's right, this is between your boyfriend and you. Not her.
But, her actions confirm the cheating as well. If she only said what she said to get attention (even though I have no idea how she was to know you were not your boyfriend when you wrote her), if she wanted attention she would have answered yes to you, and caused uproar by giving you details and what not. But instead, she's pulling out, because she knows there's a storm coming, and she doesn't want to get caught up in it.
And why would a storm be coming if your man was faithful? I'm really sorry, but I think he cheated, and all evidence points to him cheating. It is better to raise a child on your own than being with a man that breaks you down, and whom you will resent and hate. What he did to you was wrong, but as much as it is wrong, and as much as it hurts, it is true, and you have to face that.
Try to look away from your pain for a moment and decide what you want to do next, if you live with him it could be a good idea to have him move out so you can be alone. You need your time to think and come to terms with your new situation, time to deal with it, and time to know what you will do next. Take that time, don't let him pressure you into making a decision like marrying him (if you're not married), or being together, or anything drastic, until you are ready.
I do fear he will try to emotionally blackmail you into staying with him with saying things like "you should trust me and not her" or "we are a family, we need to stick together, you can't just leave it". The fact is, he's the one who hasn't honoured your relationship, so do not let him make you feel like YOU are the problem in this.
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female
reader, Tina turner +, writes (31 May 2011):
Tina turner is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't get to read them all I just got one from him saying to her I'll txt u soon xThen I took his phone And I messages her on Facebook xplainin I am 4 month pregnant with his baby and that I fink there's something been going on between her and himI had his phone....She txted him straight away and said can you ringI txted her back and said I can't ring yet am a work what's up?She txted back and said u didn't tell me ya had a pregnant birdI txted back and said I don't know what ya on a bout Remember. Had his phone pretending to be himSo she explained she got this message ova Facebook from his pregnant bird So I said to her in a txt I have got a girlfriend who is four month pregnant and sorry but you was just bit a funShe replied thanks fun??? Do ya know how awful I feel nowShe went on to say why have ya been seeing me then and I eventually got it outa her that they had good sex I want to go to her house and ask her to her face but I know deep down he has done it and I'm just tormenting myself more but why would he say he could put a stop to it at any time she won't talk to me I have sent her a couple of messages telling her I understand she didmt know about me bu she is still txt in him today with little kisses and she also said f""k ya both of ya and a x ????????
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female
reader, fatelove77 +, writes (31 May 2011):
Sadly, from what you're saying, he 100% is cheating on you. She's now trying to stay out of it as she doesn't want to break up a family, but its' too late. I would cut my losses from him and move on. He is a liar. What did the fb messages say exactly?
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female
reader, Tina turner +, writes (31 May 2011):
Tina turner is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI already did confront her she just tells me she got alot going on in her life and that I should talk to my partner that it's nothing to do with her, she won't say yes or no!!! Why??
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (31 May 2011):
 Sounds like he's lying. The facebook messages, the denial, the refusal to take you to confront her...it all adds up against him. Either he proves his honesty or he's out of your life. Please don't get drawn in by the "how can you not trust me" crap. I know yours is a very difficult position to be in, but its much better to raise the child alone, than without a father like this.
Why don't you contact the woman yourself and confront her in the presence of your boyfriend? You must have her facebook id or something...just get in touch in her and sort this thing out once and for all. Dont depend on your BF, he's never going to take you to meet her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): The other woman could be pretending to you that she has slept with your partner. Why she would bother? And why would she try pretending to your partner that they had sex together if they didn't? That doesn't add up. So i think her text to 'him' was genuine and they did indeed have sex. It would explain why he refuses to take you to talk to her face to face. And it would also explain the messages you found on his account that worried you.
I'm really sorry this has happened to you. It is awful when you discover someone you love has been behaving badly. Try not to get too distressed though. Easy to say i know but you have to think of your baby's wellbeing. As this woman only mentioned sex and nothing more. It would seem there is no emotional bond between them it was just a physical thing. Cold comfort i know but it is something to cling to. If you still want him around, i'd keep him on a very short leash until after baby is born and you are fighting fit again. Then decide what to do with him. By then he might have redeemed himself!
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female
reader, Tina turner +, writes (31 May 2011):
Tina turner is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is doing nothing to prove otherwise I have her adress as she toted him it for him to go see her he said he could of and she invited him back to hers I don't want it to be true what should I do?
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female
reader, babygirllovej +, writes (31 May 2011):
 Hello Tina,
I think he has cheated on you with this women. Now you have several choices.
Stay with him knowing that he cheated on you.
Or leave.
I advise you have a long chat with him. Talk things out. If you both can move past this...great! If not then I suggest you leave him now. Cheating is never acceptable but humans do make horrible mistakes. If he has really learned and feels guilty then take that into account. Don't let him off easy. Give him a hard time for a very long time about it. It you let him off too easy he will do it again.
Is this girl still on his fb? Does he have any contact with her?
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (31 May 2011):
If I were in his position, I would do whatever it takes to earn your trust. If I had to drive you to her house so you could have that conversation, and see for your own eyes, I would do it. I would do whatever it takes. What is he doing to show you that he didn't sleep with her. Is he taking all the steps he could?
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female
reader, Tina turner +, writes (31 May 2011):
Tina turner is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, your basically saying what I have said I feel awful hurt and angry I txted this woman from his phone pretending to be him I told her whilst she believed it was him that have a pregnant girlfriend and that she was a bit of fun she told me thinking I was him that they had good sex and now she txtin me telling me to leave him alone and that it's nowt to do with her I was with him last night he said he hasn't and doesn't want another woman just our family he said he cud put a atop to it any time I asked why don't you then so if she said to me that she hasn't slept with him I don't think that would be proof enough aa he said I'm going to prove it to you.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (31 May 2011):
What does your hunch tell you? Does this woman have any reason to tell lies, seeing as she doesn't know you? Who is she to him?
Does HE have any reason to lie? Plenty.
I think he did cheat, and I think the woman tells the truth. But in either case, what matters now is if you feel you can trust him or not. You found suspicious messages, and a woman on the side that confirms your suspicion. Does it really matter if the man objects?
I think you should be careful with him, sorry. It is not your fault if he cheated, but I would worry about two things of major concern now: get himself, and you, tested for STI's. Next, I would worry that if he isn't faithful he might make another woman pregnant. You are pregnant yourself now, and that's ok, but I wouldn't recommend you have more children with him, as he could be making children elsewhere as well.
Keep pushing this matter, your man will give up the fight after he realizes you're not going to look the other way and accept this.
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A
female
reader, Jac2b55 +, writes (31 May 2011):
 From what you have said, i would assume yes. If he has nothing to hide, then he would be just as cranky with the girl for spreading rumours as you are. If he loves you and is not cheating, then proving that to you would be very important ti him.
Confronting her would not be an issue.
Being pregnant and then raising a child alone is not easy, but i promise you it will be much more rewarding doing it alone, then doing it with someone who does not love and respect you.
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