A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating someone for over four years now. We have had our ups and downs but for the most part we are very compatible and in love. My friends and family have lukewarm feeling about him because he often demonstrates some maturity issues. The biggest issue that we faced was that he was engaged prior to us dating and brought a lot of his "emotional baggage" into our relationship at the beggining (or so I thought). I was very patient however since his last relationship had lasted for over 8 years and we began dating only a few months after the breakup. I was comforted by his constant explanation of how much he hated that situation and never wanted to be back in something like it. He spoke of how much dislike he had of her and vowed he would not ever speak to her.During our relationship, I would see that his ex sent emails or some forms of contact to him randomly and he always said that she just was persistent and wished she would "just give up". Funny though... I always felt that he was never completely honest about it. I, like most woman, had a feeling in my stomach that he was still in contact with her. I asked him and he would always deny it.A few months ago we got engaged. A month later I found out that he was in contact with his ex-fiance for the whole duration of our relationship. I found out as a result of a phone call by her in which I picked up.She said that they had never lost touch and that they were friends. She said that they would talk about each other relationship and he comforted her during her relationship problems. She did say they never met up. Even after this he denied it. He finally admitted it but I am afraid it will happen again. I am now confused on what to do, the trust is gone and now I am engaged. Marriage is a real serious thing and the last thing I want is to have my marriage end in a divorce. My logic says to call it off but I am truly in love with him. I wish I would have found out sooner. I have already postponed the wedding but will eventually have to make a decision. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): The fact that they have been in contact all this time shows how deceitful he is capable of being. I'm in very much the same situation and it will never change. I have broke off with my partner(whom my family hate by the way)so many times. The gaps are getting longer and my feeling are getting less and less for him as each month goes by. I have been weak and should have ended it a long time ago. They do have a child together and that is reason to keep in contact of course. The problem is he runs to her everytime we have a problem which is usually that he has told me lies about one thing or another and been found out and can't hack it. He is very weak and yes I've tried saying how would you feel if id done it. I think you need some time apart to take stock and think about just how bad hes been. My fella did the same when confronted even with evidence they still lie. We are just the mugs putting up with it! Don't marry him for your own sake!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Please DO NOT get married. Sorry, but he lied and that would be enough for me. Why didnt he tell you about keeping in touch with her. He was a shoulder for her to cry on when things were going bad for her. Tough! He should of told you all about and told her to buggar off when she came back. I know you say they didnt meet up but they did have long cosy converations, and where were you at the time? Not good enough, there is no way i would give serious marriage vows. I think you need to have a good long chat with him and explain just how you feel and tell him that you cannot get married to someone so bloody sly and sneaky, cos that is how i see him. Remember it is your life too!
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, red1982  +, writes (12 February 2008):
It must be horrible to know that he lied to you for four years. Has he at least given you an explanation as to why he lied and why he and his ex are still friends? Does he still want to be friends with her?
If they haven't met up then we can safely assume that it is because he didn't want to, which shows that he has no romatic wishes towards this lady. And we know that he hasn't been unfaithful.
I think that you should not get married until you know if you can truly forgive this man and have regained your trust in him. I hope that you can work things out with him.
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