A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The guy that I have really strong feelings for has dated my mom in the past over a decade ago. They were intimate and had a sexual relationship. This is not an ideal situation and normally I'm not interested in this type of dating, I don't like to date people my family has dated, god forbid my mother. However, we're all past 30. I'm 33. He's 43. Mom is 53. I haven't felt so alive and excited since I was in my mid 20's. Is there a point a certain age perhaps where things that are not normally okay, can be somewhat more acceptable. Life is short. I would like to be happy at some point and I feel this man can be the one. He wanted to be respectful (me too) he told me about my mom and made it clear that he was not interested in me. My cousin is going to marry his brother so I confided in her that I really like his brother. He makes me feel so happy and alive. It was general girl-talk and she told her fiance. Her fiance adores me, he thinks I'm really sweet. He figured his brother was lucky to have a chance with me and told him. To make the long story short, we both like each other but there are obstacles. Please note: my mom had a casual discrete relationship with this man over a decade ago, nobody knows but her/him/and me. I'm not particularly close with my mom she has always been envious of me my whole life trying to destroy my confidence in myself, (very unhealthy). She confided this at one point. The confidence I would have would come from teachers and outsiders, they would make me feel better about myself. Mom always felt inferior and insecure and although I felt that way I didn't want to narrowly define myself that way. We're not close. I don't want this man for purposes of subtle or unconscious revenge. The only problem I have with him is the issue in regard to my mom. I finally feel alive and happy again and that's what I want. He does that for me.
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (14 February 2008):
 I think there are so many fish in the sea and this fish has the potential to rot up your relationship with your mom. You say you aren't close now but remember family is family. It really isn't worth destroying what little relationship you have.
The other thing that could be a problem down the road is will you be jealous when this man and your mom are in the same room? Will you be suspicous that he could reconnect with her at some point?
You could perhaps talk with your mom and get her perspective. Just a thought. Don't be concerned with what other people have to say, it's really between you, your mom and this man.
A
female
reader, Yargh +, writes (13 February 2008):
 I don't think its that wrong. It may seem like a faux pas, but its not like he is your former stepdad or something. Even if he was, look at Woody Allen and his ex-stepdaughter, they seem happy! I think if you go into it with an open mind, and are sure you do not have issues about your mother mixed in with it, it should be fine. If other people disapprove, so what. In the long run, your happiness is what matters the most.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (13 February 2008):
 Do you live in the South?
This is a no brainer....
You have issues to work out with your mom, and your post makes it seem like you are doing this to spite her. Take a look at the cost/benefit ratio here. You know this is ridiculous.
Sorry to be blunt, but I call it like I see it.
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