A
female
age
36-40,
*ataliemarie
writes:he cut me off and i just dont know what i did wrong..I dated this guy for a month,we always had a good time toghether and he said so himself, we were double dating alot with his friend and my friend which are now b/f and g/f...he was affectionate with me and i felt strongly for him quickly (im usually very picky) I didnt have sex with him because I wanted things to last...One night we went out to the bar and there was some drama from a relative of mine and i was a bit upset by it. however we left toghether and i apologized but he assured me not to worry. I slept over and he cuddled with me that morning.he drove me home and even said to call him... That night I texted him and he never replied. 2 days lateri text him again and he made up some ridiculus excuse why he didnt text and i said if he didnt want to talk anymore it wasnt a big deal and he never replied. I was heartbroken and it caught me by surprise. That weekend i went out with my friend and her boyfriend met up with us where he were. He brought him along and he looked down at his phone the whole time and ignore me. I left with my other friends but I acted happy as if he did not phase me. The next day i text him asking if i could ask him a question...and he replied its not u its me. That pissed me off but i just said I dont know what your talking about and for him to give a sweater i left at his house to my friend so i could get it back. I then said and by the way its not that serius...in which he replied i kno its not that serius. i never text back or heard from him..its been a month...i dont understand why he cut me off .I was never rude to him and i was taking it easy not pressuring him into anything... we did not speak on the phone unless when we were meeting up and did not text much in between - I feel i behaved the right way and he just cut me off like a jerk.
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female
reader, socutegirl +, writes (9 December 2010):
Man this rlly pissed me,and the man continue saying that they don't understand us..If the guy doesnt want nothing with the girl why doesnt he just let her know,they prefer vanish than say a word,I think this kind of man are coward or maybe they do this cz there's no explanation either plus they perhaps just wanna fooling around...you know what I think we should be bad too,let the me man go after you,just forget about him for a while and see what happens..I know it can be hard because if we like someone of course we want to show but it's better than blame ourselves for something that we just can't do anything. If the guy really wants you he certainly will show up when we least expect it.Well we have to keep our self steem and never let a jerk let us down,if this happened is because they don't deserve us and there's something much better waiting for us!
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (21 October 2009):
 A very similar thing has happened to me before on a couple of occasions - all I have learnt from it is that some men are just like that, there is no explanation for it and they are just jerks!
The problem is that when this happens the typical female response is to question ourselves over where we went wrong - we blame ourselves thinking "it must have been because I said/did this....." The reality is that the chances are you did nothing wrong at all, and it was just one of those "he's just not that into you" moments.
I know that is hard to believe when you are with someone for a month and they are saying nice things about how much they like you, but I think some men can easily just talk the talk without actually meaning it!
I went out with a guy for a month, we were getting along really well, really attracted to each other, loads to talk about....he even said "I've been waiting for so long for a girl like you to come along". I started to let my guard down with him thinking "I could really like this guy" and I started to think maybe we had a future. But then all of a sudden he became very lazy with texting me back - I got one last message on a Saturday night while I was out with my friends (normal text by the way, no indication that something was wrong) and then never heard from him ever again. Not even a "I'm sorry, its not you its me" text! It was like he vanished off the face of the earth! I questioned myself for weeks about what I could have done wrong, what I might have said....I couldnt think of a thing! I even text him a couple of times just asking to at least know where I stand with him....still no response!
So my conclusion was....he is just a complete jerk with no honesty or backbone to even end things properly. Some men are just like this - I have met others who have done similar things (although not quite to his extent!), and if you think about it do you really want to be with a guy who cant even be honest with you about how he feels and who is happy to treat someone so badly? That is not the sort of person you want a relationship with!
But it is not all bad news - I have found a guy who is just amazing and treats me so well, and would never in a million years do something like that to me. So going through these experiences only makes you stronger, and it makes it much easier to spot when you finally do meet a good guy! It also alerts you to the signs when it might be happening again, so next time if you do see similar behavior with a new guy then you can recognise it and it wont hurt quite so much!
Just put it down as a bad experience, delete his number, facebook, email etc and move on. He is not worth you spending another minute of your time thinking about him - you have done nothing wrong and it is not your fault. All you can do in a relationship or when you are dating is to be yourself and to be honest, and it sounds like thats how you were so therefore you are not at fault in this situation. Stop doubting yourself because of him, he is not worth it and no man should make you question yourself.
Its his loss, just move on and find a guy who can actually handle a relationship and has the decency to be honest with you!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (21 October 2009):
*Sigh* believe it or not, I've heard that sometimes guys will back off if you're not having sex with them. Spending the night and cuddling with him maybe have been far less than what he wanted. I'm not saying that in the future you should "give it up" because it's up to you what you want to do.
However, I have heard from some guy friends of mine that they may like a girl, but after dating for a while and no sex, they sometimes assume she's not really interested in them. And of course not all guys are the same. Some are perfectly content on waiting, while some others just aren't.
Otherwise, it could be numerous things. The "it's not you, it's me" is such a stupid line and complete BS. I do think you shouldn't have told him that things were't a big deal and not serious. I know exactly what you mean by it because I've said that too, but it's a little wall of protection for yourself, but in the meantime he's getting a little defensive because you're basically telling him that it doesn't matter anyway and you never really cared. I think you should have let him know that you were a little hurt by it and if he didn't want to talk to you or see you anymore, then he should have manned up and told you when you tried to talk to him...or at least not act like a complete fool and ignore you the whole time in person and talk about it like two adults.
You did nothing wrong though. You were being yourself and doing only what you were comfortable with and that's perfectly fine. If he has a problem with it, then it's his problem and he can piss off. Meanwhile you can find someone else because you obviously deserve much better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): That's weird I would stop thinking about him
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