A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About a month ago my male best friend and I came clean about our feelings for each other. Last night we were going to have sex for the first time; it wasn't planned. It just happened. But he couldn't get it up! I obviously was so upset because I felt like it had something to do with me. He swore up and down that it was because of the other people I always dated he doesn't compare to them and he just felt very uncomfortable with himself because he felt like he wasn't good enough for me. My first thought was it was me, he realized he wasn't attracted to me or something along those lines. My question is; is that a load of garbage or is that a possibility that it's the true reason?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 August 2014):
 So...and how does he know that little tidbit of information?Did you let it out as a point of fact so that he'll forever know he is inferior to the others?
A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (18 August 2014):
Nope, not you, performance anxirty,,it takes us all down once in a while. Just one of those things.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 August 2014):
 Yes, guys do worry that you've had bigger penises even if you don't share gory details. What he needs is that you are indeed attracted to him and you like his size. If he is very small then you can't bring yourself to say he's the biggest. So what how you stroke his ego is up to your discretion. I think it's his true reason but at the same time at his age and not being able to get it up is rare. Even the shyest guys I had dated, guys with anxiety and emotional problems had no problems in that area. The only guy who could not consistently get it up was 46 and was an ex smoker. You may need to prepare that you have to prop his confidence up a lot as you date him.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (10 August 2014):
He was under an enormous amount of performance pressure and I'm sure any man would have "failed" in that scenerio plus every man is convinced he won't measure up to her previous encounters especially if he is in any way 'under endowed' not to worry it probably had nothing to do with you. He just wanted to impress and figured he probably wouldn't once he saw you. Yo're probably a knock out and as we all think If she's pretty she's most likely Way out of my league'
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (10 August 2014):
 Self-consciousness and anxiety are killers of arousal in men just as much as in women. What he told you is a perfectly reasonable explanation. If you've been besties for a long time he knows what guys you've dated, and you've probably shared gory details about those relationships with him, resulting in performance anxiety. Despite all the myths, men aren't machines ready to go all the time -- if our minds are out of sync with the situation, all you get is limp.
This is a case that calls for going slow. If you want a physical relationship, then work up to it as if you were dating. He's thought of you as a friend for years; even if he's been attracted, moving to a sexual relationship probably calls from some transition time. Take him at his word until you get solid evidence to the contrary.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 August 2014):
 If you and he have been "best buds" for a long time.... then, you and he had an imprompteau coming-together-of-the-minds... (and, possibly, of the loins)..... it's quite likely that his inability to "get it up" was understandable, and not likely something that will happen repeatedly (if you and he choose to try this again....)...
Rather than the two of you ruminating over this incident... how about you TALK about it? .... and recognize that it was an out-of-the-blue flash of lightning.... and that you and he really DO like each-other... and you have to work at being intimate????
I predict that "clearing the air" about this single incident will allow you both to relax.... and, following that, there's no limit to how good the nik-nik might be between the two of you!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (10 August 2014):
 No, I think he is telling the truth
If he didn't find you attractive he wouldn't be dating you, simple as, so he does like you and does find you attractive.
I think the reason he couldn't get it up was because he was thinking the same as you. He was probably worried he wouldn't be good enough for you, or was comparing himself to other partners of yours, which made him worry about whether he could fulfil your sexual needs. So in plain and short words: He got nervous, so he couldn't get it up.
You should just sit down and chat with each other. I think you should tell him that you love him just the way he is, and that he shouldn't worry about not being as good as the other people you may of dated, because they are irrelevant as its just you and him now.
I also think you should maybe plan a date to have sex, so you can set up the atmosphere, make things more comfortable and get ready to have sex for the first time, I think that would make both of you much more relaxed.
Good Luck x
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