A
female
age
36-40,
*ove_life
writes:I had a boyfriend for about 7 months. He was the sweetest guy. He had his flaws, but I loved them all. There are a few things you should know about "John" and I. We live about an hour and a half away from each other. We only got to see each other on the weekends, except when a holiday comes around (then we get to spend more time together). He was about to start his first semester of college and he started acting strange. He started talking about possibly going on a break for school. He then tried to work with me. He told me we couldn't talk as much or see each other as often. I tried to be okay with it, but I started to get angry from the lack of attention. I told him things weren't going to work like this (thinking he would spend more time with me). He ended up breaking up with me later in the conversation. He was crying most of the time. His best friend told me he cried all night and his parents talked to him in the morning. We are both young, I'm really the longest relationship he's ever had. He bought me a pretty little diamond ring and he was really happy about us at one point. He tells me and everyone else he has to put love on hold for now, school is more important. We are still trying to be friends. It's been a struggle though, I use to cry and asked why he would do this to me. I finally stopped when he said he wouldn't talk to me anymore if I kept it up. Every time I would invite him over to my house he would say sure and then change his mind. I stopped inviting him over. I told him he's welcome to come other whenever he wants. He finally invited himself over this Friday. I was at his house about a week ago. My picture is still up in his room, just moved to a different place. I'm a bit of a snoop, so when he was out of the room I looked in his phone to see where I was on his top five. I thought I was number 4, I asked about it. I was actually number 2 (clock wise)...duh. He told me he missed me and I said the same. He told me I need to move on! I asked him what that meant? "Do you want me to date other people?" I asked. He said that's not what move on means to him. He just wants me to except that we are not together (duh). He says he's confused and that he can't love anyone until he loves himself. He also told me that he goes crazy when school starts and he always breaks-up with his gf. He says he only misses me when he has the time. He says he doesn't care about anyone right now. I never call him, he always calls me. I get a call from him at least 3-4 and week. If he really didn't want me back EVER...why bother with me anymore? He always tries to tell me he just doesn't need a girlfriend right now. So I'm trying to be a friend. He really is, he contradicts himself all the time. What does he really want?
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (16 February 2007):
 He's just very confused at the moment but I think he does have a lot of feelings for you. His studies seem very important to him so I would give him his space and stop asking him round for the time being. I know this will be hard for you but I feel this is what you must do if you want him to be able to sort his head out. Absence makes the heart grow fonder after all so give him the time to MISS you.
Tell him if he needs his space then it might be a good idea that he doesn't call you for a while as talking to you all the time isn't giving him the "break" he needs. Hearing your voice all the time will only cloud his thoughts. If he wants a break then it should mean no visits, no phone calls, nothing!
Although this might sound harsh, I think it is the best way for both of you. Yes, you'll miss him like hell but think about it.... he'll miss YOU too! Hopefully, when he finds your not in his life, it will make him see that you mean much more to him than he first thought and he'll get back in touch. Let him know though, when you tell him about breaking things off, ie no contact, no visits etc, that it is for HIS good and you're not doing it because you don't love him any more. On the contrary, you DO and you want him to have time out away from you to get his head straight. That way he sees there is no pressure from you whatsoever and hopefully, with time, he'll eventually get back in touch once he's sorted his head out.
Eve
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