A
female
age
30-35,
*iwl_4ever
writes:I met this guy my senior year in H.S. He is one year younger than me. Our relationship started bad because he wanted to keep us on the 10th floor. On any other floor of the school we were just friends. I got mad when he asked this of me but in the end I said yes because I wanted revenge. I wanted him to like me so bad and for me to dump him later. He treated me nicely and a few days later we started going out officially. He told me he loved me once and I just answered me too. Then, i started falling for him and he began to treat me bad. We broke up on our first month anniversary. I was very sad and couldn't let him go. I made it worse because I had sex with him a month later. He was my first. We became friends with benefits. Once in a while he would ask me if I have a boyfriend or if i have let anyone else have sex with me. When I lied once he tells me oh well why don't you go to him to have sex now. A month passed and he tells me he has a girlfriend. I got really sad because I feel like i love him. I love everything about him. The point is that he still comes to me. He cheats on her with me and he enjoys it. I feel so bad because I am a terrible person. She seems really nice and I can't say anything because if I do he will hate me. I love "john" and I get happy when he is with me because i feel he only needs me and i want him to leave her and I feel like he never will. I don't know what to do. Please give me your advice. I know I should leave him but I can't do it. I've tried and He ends up coming to me again and I give in :(.. Help me!
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anniversary, broke up, friend with benefits, has a girlfriend, revenge Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sabra +, writes (15 May 2011):
Do you find you like that he cheats on his girlfriend for you? Do you think he genuinely loves you, but then turns around to have sex with his current girlfriend? Do you believe his girlfriend or you deserve to be put into this situation?
These are some of the questions you should ask yourself when you say you "can't leave him." Because there is nothing keeping you from leaving him except yourself.
It seems like you have low self-esteem - this relationship will not help that.
I second the idea of making a list of pros and cons to being with this guy - and try to be honest with yourself. Weigh these options and then make your call.
A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (15 May 2011):
 While the FWB relationship is not something I would condone as "healthy" in the long run, it is still subject to boundaries just like any other relationship. IF you were in the FWB you are compromising that by falling for this guy and confiding in him. FWB relationships are meant to be shallow and when one person begins to develop feelings so ends the FWB scenario.
In his mind you are still the booty call. You see things on a deeper level. There is a fundamental problem there and unless you abandon these feelings or he somehow changes his - you will be sorely disappointed.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 May 2011):
 This relationship is troubled on many levels. you are not a 'bad' person and you do not need to label yourself as such. But this is only a partial relationship, and she will discover the duplicity eventually. Most girls eventually suss it out.
So instead please try to work on your self esteem. You are not defined by who is or is not having sex with you.
And he is treating you as the preliminary warm up before the main event (his girl friend) and this is not OK.
Although I would like to say he is not for you, I know you do not want to hear that.
So instead I would ask that you analyse the Strenths, weaknesses and Opportunities and threats, the advantages to you and the disadvantages to you of keeping this relationship limping along or breaking free.
Every moment with him denies you the opportunity to work on your self esteem and find a nicer, faithful, caring, attentive partner.
Ask him where he sees the two of you, as a couple in five years time. You are not second best and should not be treated as such.
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