A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The guy I was seeing exclusively for the past few months recently cheated on me when he was drunk and I found out about it from my friend. At the time I was obviously very angry and upset when I spoke to him and so even though he apologised it didn't really do much good. I hung up on him and I haven't heard from him since. The thing is, we cant really avoid each other forever as we have the same friendship group. Shouldn't he be doing everything he can to show he is sorry and make amends for the sake of the group? Even if he doesn't want to be with me (which he said) it seems quite rude to just never address what he has done properly. I haven't contacted him and I don't want to get back together with him but.... it's still hurtful!
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broke up, cheated on me, drunk, get back together Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 June 2017):
 No he doesn't need to be doing anything, he apologized and said he did not want to be with you. Yes off course it is hurtful, but what more can he do now? Do you want him contacting you? Hurting you more? Leading you on? The best thing he can do now is not contact you again. He is actually doing the right thing and not leading you on.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (26 June 2017):
What does the group have to do with this. What happened was between the two of you no one else. He apologized and has moved on you need to be an adult and do the same. If you choose not to accept his apology that is your problem and If you try to ostracize him from "the group" you will find yourself on the outside looking in.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 June 2017):
 For the sake of the group ?... He does not need to do anything for the sake of the group. This is personal, between you and him, and technically he has already done what he was supposed to do, i.e apologize to you. You decided to not accept his apologies and dump him instead, which was your privilege, and also a sensible decision, I think. But other than that, he does not " have to " grovel if he does not feel like doing it. Apologizing : mandatory, grovelling - optional ( and only valid if really heartfelt , not just because socially more expedient ! )
Now,if what you mean is that, unless he grovels and offers more , humbler apologies, you won't feel like you'll be able to join the group outings, or you will join but you'll stay in your corner looking daggers at him- that's your personal choice, you can do that if you want.
As a matter of fact, if you feel that you need to take a little break to lick your wounds without having to face the cheating ex, that is understandable and can work too. Whatever works for you. But, it's best if you do what You Wish says. Move on and make him irrelevant to your future accimplishments and happiness.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 June 2017):
 This isn't about him. It's about you and your hurt feelings. What he did wasn't between him, you, and your circle of friends. It's between him and you only. "For the sake of the group" has no bearing on your past relationship.
He apologized for the cheating, and you broke up with him, which was the correct thing to do. This is not the time to continue to dwell on it, to re-hash it, or to seek "Amends". In truth, there *are* no amends that would help you.
You must move on and past him. This means that in your circle or group of friends, he must become just another face in the crowd, mattering no more than anyone else. He doesn't deserve to have any special consideration from you, good or bad. He does not get to know about you, and you do not need to bother yourself with what's in his mind.
In short, he can't pluck the thorn from your heart. Only you can do that for yourself by making him irrelevant to you. He *did* address what he has done when he apologized and you break up. If it wasn't sincere or you think he got off scott free, well, the relationship is gone now. It's done. It does no good to demand an emotional pillory either and want him shunned from the friend circle, though it makes for some good and satisfying fantasies.
In short, the best thing that can happen to you is for him to fade back into the white noise of your life. That can be done by achieving and fulfilling your own happiness and accomplishments, and he does not qualify to share in them ever again.
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