A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What a bad day. I was dating this guy, Paolo. Since 2007. It was the first guy I ever loved, ever slept with, ever saw naked. To me, he was so important. We dated for 2 years before we tied the knot just last year. I was a missionary on another island so I was away from him for a month at a time, but we texted and called each other everyday. Sometimes he even joined me on the mission field. We had sex once before we were married and as a christian I was very ashamed and I vowed to marry him. He was the first guy I ever slept with. We got engaged Jan 2009 and were married August 2009. He seemed like the perfect guy. He had some vices (drinking), but when we got engaged he swore to me that he would stop. He has never came home drunk once since we have been married so I sincerely believed him. Anways. We just told me 2 weeks ago that he cheated on me right before we got married. He slept with another girl June 2009. Just a month before our marriage. I couldn't even believe it. I had never suspected him for cheating. No one ever warned me and I live in the Philippines. Gossip is like the cool thing to do here, but no one. Not even my friends or family ever told me he cheated on me. Then he said it wasn't just that one time. He had sex with 3 girls on dec.24, 2007. All three in the same night. And they were all his girlfriends. And again on Jan.1, 2008. I was absolutely devasted. I don't know what to do. I hate the idea of a divorce. And I could have forgiven him if it was like a once and a lifetime thing. But 5 girls.. I mean come on. What do I do?? My heart is so broken. I cry everynight and I want to make it work, but he is getting mad that I cry or if I ask questions. We have a baby. Just a couple months old and I am falling apart... I went from 120lbs to 100lbs in a matter of weeks. I've been sick ever since he told me. I have a weak heart. When I get stressed out I am easy to get panic attacks. My heart is always racing and I can't stop vomitting. I just love him so much. And he said he loves me too. But if he loved me, why the heck would he cheat? I don't know what to do. Rosie
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 What is he doing now to prove that he loves you? Why is he angered when you cry when he should be telling you that he's sorry and trying to comfort you somehow? There is little hope but nothing is impossible. I see the spiritual side, the emotional side, the physical side and the moral side. What he did was very wrong to every single one of those girls and to you, his fiancee, the woman he was supposed to devote his body and soul to for the rest of his life. I suppose he thought to himself that he would still be loyal as long as he did not cheat after you were married, through some desperate delusion of innocence, he pushed himself into embracing his lusts and that, in the eyes of god is a sin.
Do you truly love him? Is this the best choice for you and your baby? I'm not going to tell you to leave him, I'm not going to tell you to stay with him. I'm going to tell you to do what you KNOW in your heart to be right and god will look upon it with a smile as long as you are devoted, as for him, he will also have to make a commitment, show proof of his everlasting devotion to you. Pray that he makes the right choice and find comfort in the fact that you have a child, someone who needs you, someone who loves you for all you are. Nurture it, love it and when the time comes for you to decide whether or not to stay with your husband, you will go about it with a smile.
God bless you and your newborn baby.
I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Rosie, I feel very, very sorry for you. In marrying this man you have made a big mistake, but from that mistake has come a beautiful baby and that is a positive side to the whole mess. I think you need to leave him, it doesn't have to be divorce right-away. You can just separate as spending time apart may help you to get everything in perspective. I also think you need to see a doctor to make sure he has not passed along any infections. This is especially important given that you have health problems. People in your community may not have known he was cheating, or perhaps they felt some false sense of loyalty to him. Either way, you know the truth of the situation and I think the only way for you now is to leave him. After all, if he has been so open about his cheating then what will stop him doing it again? You say you love him, but I think you should love yourself and your child more (make the best decision for you and your future).
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A
female
reader, Fefi  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 it is often that men, even women, cheat close to special occasions or at random events. from what your telling me, he had all these cheats BEFORE your marriage, so from my opinion he was abit of a playboy, having a few girlfriends here and there, like most men out there. i think that he got most attached to you than any other girl, and proposed to you. before the wedding, he probably realised how this was a serious relationship and he needed to stop. so now, he wants to put it all behind him and confronted you. give him a bit of time, maybe some space between you, then you'll re-unite with a relationship stronger than ever.
YOU need to have some time with friends and strengthen your spirit, because i know what its like with babysitting. they probably didnt say anything for now because they just want you to be happy and you just had a healthy baby between you.
after this, if he does cheat out on you again, then im sorry but you're gonna have to think about singing the papers, but for NOW, you need to get checked out incase he passing something onto you from the affairs..
good luck and tell me how things turn out ;)
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