A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I had dated for 2 and a half years. We broke up a little over 4 months ago. We had been kind of off and on b/c he was freaking out about our relationship. It was his first and was really serious. He had this slut of a friend who threw herself at him and they fooled around. They never slept together or even kissed... I had suspicions but he always told me nothing had happened. The first year and a half of our relationship was fantastic... After he cheated on me, he got really weird and I never knew why until he told me what had happened and I suppose it was guilt. He truly seems remoreseful and pretty much worships the ground I walk on. He hasn't told me a lie since and I really think he'd be good to me... IF I could completely forgive him. Well, last night he came to tell me that we shouldn't speak to each other for a while b/c we're both seeing another person, but neither of us have strong feelings for the other people we're seeing. I did fool around w/ the guy I'm seeing and I told him last night. I never felt like I was cheating on him, but when I told him he was so upset and I realized that I didn't want to loose him. The only thing is I don't know if I feel this way because of guilt or if I can really handle working things out with him. I only know one couple that went through some scenario involving infidelity and lasting... and they're really happy. WHat should I DO????
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female
reader, irish_rain +, writes (19 March 2007):
 Well, first of all I'd like to point out something you said. "If I could completely forgive him." To give forgiveness is an extremely hard thing to do, and you might want to consider the consequences of your relationship if you can't completely forgive him. Let's say for instance you give each other a second chance and you *think* you've completely forgive him, but those angry feelings some back once in a while when you are reminded of what he did to you. Your conscious and sub-conscious actions might have negative effects on the relationship itself. And if he was willing to cheat on you the first time, who's to say he won't do it again. I know people can change and it's really great when they do, but it's also extremely hard to do. And there are plenty of needy, low self esteem people out there willing to throw their selves at people who give them attention, so you have to think about probability here, too. And as the previous person who answered your question said, maybe you should break up with your current boyfriend and just start all over. Go out with girlfriends, live the single life for a while, and then start dating someone completely new. It helps to get rid of baggage and also you won't have to worry about being on the rebound. Whatever you do, make sure that *you* are happy.
A
female
reader, flossere  +, writes (19 March 2007):
Stay with the partner you have, dont go wrecking a new relationship because of old ones. look ahead. You and your ex may have been perfect but hey it didnt work. just move on. believe me i know how u feel. i have to move on too. but as hard as it may be its the only way forward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): Don't get back with your ex he's already cheated on you twice and what's to say that he won't do it again? Plus you don't completely forgive him. How would the relationship survive if you don't trust him? Also split up with your current boyfriend as this isn't fair on him that you don't have strong feelings for him plus have considered getting back with your ex. Find someone who'll you'll have strong feelings for. And also, cut your ex out of your life before he ruins all of your other relationships.
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