A
female
age
41-50,
*agirl
writes:I've been dating a guy for six months and I thought things were progressing nicely. We spend a lot of time together, have regular sleep overs, and talk on the phone every other day. We never said we were boyfriend-girlfriend but we agreed to be exclusive. I thought that by being exclusive, that meant that we were in a somewhat serious relationship. On Saturday, we were out with his friends and someone asked if he was my boyfriend. His response was "we're not together like that." I asked him later what that meant and he said that he's been hurt badly in the past and isn't ready for a serious relationship. He also said that maybe we should take a break from having sex because it's making things more complicated! Now I don't know what to do. It hurts so bad because I love him, and I might never be his girlfriend. I don't want to leave, but I don't want to stay in a dead-end situation either. Is it worth sticking it out and hoping things will change?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): I know exactly how you feel. I had the same problem with my fiance in the past and it really drove me crazy.
My suggestion is that you read more into his body language than what he's telling you. Does he show that he's really into you (not just for the sex)? Is he willing to share his problems with you and explain why he isn't ready to commit right now?
You have to make the decision if this guy is worth the wait. If you're not comfortable with this arrangement, you MUST tell him. If he's really into you, he'll wake up and get over whatever is bothering him pretty quick.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): You don't have to leave, you can do as he suggests and take a break from having sex....but what that means, taking a break, is that you are BOTH free to date others....if it were me, I would stop sleeping over, the only time I would see him is if he took me out on a date, never let him come over if he calls you late at night and he expects to join you 20 minutes later, nope, don't do that....
You can threaten to remove yourself from the relationship, just by your actions, not your words, stop taking his calls for awhile, if he takes more than 24 hourst to return your call, then take a couple of days to return his.
He already knows you want a serious relationship so any begging or pleading or talking won't improve the situation, but action might....just get busy and move on, and if he turns around and shows up at your door with a commitment, then you decide if you will let him back in to your heart and life.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (19 March 2007):
 If he's not ready for this then you must respect that. However, I do have problems differentiating between an exclusive relationship where you see only one another and have sex and girlfriend and boyfriend. How can he say the relationship was not 'serious' in that sense?
As I've said, he has every right not to want this to be much for him right now but he mustn't lead you along. He should have filled you in about how he was feeling about the relationship, not just told him friends assuming you knew how he felt.
I understand you must be hurt: you thought things were moving faster than this. You have to tell him how you feel. If he is not prepared to make a change and commit, and this is what you want, you have to let him go. If he's not ready for this, he is using you and you're not happy either coz you're not getting what you need and want from a relationship.
The risk of losing you might make him think twice and decide he can commit. Whatever happens, stick to your guns. I know you love him but he has to understand what you want and he can't have the best of both worlds forever.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): Things aren't going to change. So move on from this guy and find someone who would be proud to show you to his mates as his girlfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): I personally would be serious hurt if a bloke did that to me. Six months in some people's eyes is quite a while, yet in others it is a short time. I think you should decide just what you want from this and judging by your post i think you want a serious relationship, whilst he doesn't - you need to point out that this won't work for you if things continue this way. If you are still not happy after having a chat with him then move on. There are plenty more nice blokes out there who you so deserve.Take carexx
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