A
female
 ,
*uzie767
writes:im confused about my boyfriend.we have been together for 4 years and live together with a small baby.iam 23 and he is 34. he tells me he loves me and cares for me and i think he genuinly believes that he does but he has treated me quite badly over the years.he has neglected me and went out with another girl behind my back-he has forced me to change my hair colour telling me he likes blondes and told me alot of intimate things about hs ex's.he as made me do things in bed i didnt want to do. he has watched me get into alot of debt because of buying this house and refused to combine our finances because we arent married. he asked me to marry him 3 years ago but never bothered to follow it up with a ring and it was never mentioned again.(actually when i told him what ring i wanted he said no way was he spending that much). the only reason we have this house is because basically i did all the work and he came along for the ride. he was 32 and still at home. i could go on all day.my qustion is to guys really. does he really care about me or am i just ok? (iam young and attractive) or am i paying for all the relationships he has had in the past where he has been hurt? or a third alternative is he just complacent?i do not take all this treatment silently but when i complain he barely even reacts. we have a fight and nothing changes.
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female
reader, Suzie767 +, writes (15 May 2007):
Suzie767 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you gf, the cab is already something i plan to look into. i am seriously considering leaving him and want to protect my assetts.
he is a very doting and caring father but i worry about him being a bad role model for our son- he also calls me names like effing idiot and daft c**t and this is not something i want my son to learn as acceptable behaviour.
he has told me that everything will change and he has been stupid but i dont undertand why it takes such extremes for him to even realise that there is a problem.
i have come to the same conclusion- he doesnt care about me and i think my son will be better off out of this environment
A
female
reader, gf123 +, writes (15 May 2007):
 I am not a guy, but I would like to give you an outside perspective on this issue. The fact that you are even questioning whether he cares about you is evidence enough that he doesn't. I know it's impossiblt hard to accept but seeing another girl, controlling your appearance and neglecting you are all clear signs that he is as you say "just along for the ride".
If it weren't for the baby involved I would have no hesitation in telling you to forget this man and move on. He sounds like a controlling, spiteful freeloader and you would be better off without him. He currently has the best of both worlds, he has a home and partner to go home to but he seems to be able to do whatever he likes elsewhere.
As you have a child however, you also need to consider what is best for them. Is your partner a loving father, does he provide for his child in any way? Is he going to treat your child with the same lack of respect he has treated you? If so, you really need to throw this man out and gain some self-respect again,
As a trainee lawyer, I would also advise you to protect yourself against any claim he may have to the home you have worked so hard for. Contact a solicitor or speak to the citizens advice bureau about the ways you can do this.
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