A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have known my boyfriend since2005... apparently he had a girl den and i knew and den he said they broke up. We started dating and i found out 2yrs later while we were still 2gether that he got back wit her while still wit me. Wen i found out we broke up somehow we got back 2gether and tried 2 start afresh but things have been rough is hard for me to forget and is hard for me to trust...we love each other and he is really trying to change. But we fight all d time and make up again and we still in love. But am confused if i should stay...
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Yes..That is exactly why your relationship is hitting a wall...you don't trust him! The other Aunts have both given you their good, straighforward opinions which I respect. And it's true, sometimes people don't change. So I'm going to throw you a 'lifeline' here and give your bf the benefit of the doubt. And then you can decide which works best for you.You don't want to lose him..you love him. So here you are, emotionally spent on trying so hard to avoid the pain of losing him, because he was unfaithful to you, this one time. Some will say, 'he was already gone' and didn't love you. And some will say, that maybe you should kicked his ass to the curb back then, or do it now. Some will tell you to just buck up, work through the pain and move on with someone who would be faithful. If only it were that easy...right? The basis for wholly committing yourself to one person is love. He was unfaithful and by doing that..this had brought his for you love into question. This is why you have niggling doubts? Maybe you still feel he doesn't love you, because he caused you pain. But he's changed hasn't he? Then that's a positive. Because, your trust can strengthen as time goes by, but only through his convincing actions. You can't expect things to magically improve, because you will be disappointed. Re-building the trust and strength in your relationship will take a reasonable amount of time. If he's around the same age as you...then maybe maturity, the connection and bond to you..has indeed, made him a better man. So I do believe, if he's with you now, he does love you. The only possible way you will be able to carry on in this relationship with him, is to forgive him and put this all behind you both. So do you want this to work? How motivated are you both? It really takes a committed effort from both of you. He made a boneheaded mistake, in the past. I think you both need to discuss it and get it sorted out because I get the impression you have a lot to say to him about this (if you haven't already) But, the key is to act maturely and not have a screamfest while discussing it. You and he can find a way to move on happily with your lives together, with a new and improved cheat-proof relationship. However, setting boundaries, his trustworthy actions, and using good communication is essential. If you both can get to the true cause of the cheating, then can you both concentrate on re-build the trust and forgive once and for all. Forgiving your b/f does not mean you will forget what happened, but it will mean that you have accepted what transpired and are ready to move forward without bringing the past into your future as a couple. Once you get there, it will be vital to remember not give the incident, more power than it deserves, by dredging it up. This will take incredible maturity and self-restraint, on your part. Your anger and betrayal may pop up occasionally and your b/f has to understand this. You will working this out emotionally. Start going on dates together again, get romantic and become better friends than before! Make a permanent note in your mind that nobody is perfect but everyone deserve forgiveness for their mistakes. If you have been genuinely apologized to and promised that it will never happen again, then open your heart and give him a chance. You obviously love your b/f and he loves you, which is why you have decided to forgive and move on. So work as a team and be each other's strength in putting the past behind you, looking at it as a learning experience, which will assist you in making your love cheat-proof from this point on. I wish you both peace and happiness.
A
female
reader, Mariela +, writes (9 April 2009):
 i think you shouldnt stay with him because things are never going to be the same between because it happend to me and its true things dont change they get worse....i tell you because my ex cheated on me then i forgave him and we really tried and he did it again so i though it was better to not be together and we are both trying to move on....i think your fighting is going to continue. or at least you guys should spit for a while and see both of your reactions, and maybe find out that it was the best....so i say you should not stay with him....
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (9 April 2009):
 i personally think that you shouldnt stay if it is hard for you two to get along. i believe that if you could forgive and forget try. i have heard that you cant change the cheating kind but were theres a will theres a way. personally i wouldnt stay. that is alpt of heart ache it sounds like your dealing with
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