A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why does my ex try to make me jealous. I have been dating a girl for 4 years. She broke up with me cuz she said need space and in wasnt ready to commit to me long term right now. Well its been about 4 months. After the break i pleaded for her back which prolly pushed her away. Then after about 2 months she told me she was gonna see someone else. Well i started to not talk to her anymore and only respond when she talks to me.Which is my question. Why does she keep texting me, saying she misses me and asks about my life? But recently she tries to make me jealous. Telling me how good things are going for her etc? I try not to care but i do I thought she was the "one". What do these texts mean, and her telling me how good things are going for herself if she supposedly moved on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for responding. I know I need to move on just hard. I think she broke up with me also becuase after college we moved to different states and accepted jobs. Long distance sucks. Well I guess I'll try to move on and I do think she is talking to me so my feelings for her wont fade and I just cant be played like that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Well, are you getting jealous and if so, why? Jealousy is a very unhealthy, rather controlling feeling of entitlement, isn't it? And no, if she's not with you, then "she's" obviously not the one. That was your perspective about her and not hers..so you own that one, guy.
And...maybe she has moved on. Look it, a lot of younger women break up with their bf's, move on, date others and still want to be friends with the ex bf. I dunno why a lot of females do this...appease some guilty feelings for being the dumper...who knows. Or maybe she's treating you like a close, good friend...telling you all her little experiences out there in datingland, telling you she misses you. She hasn't clued in that you still care.
The 'friendship' scenario only works if the ex bf is healed , recovered and over her. You are not there yet and perhaps, she thinks you are. And then there are the females that keep their ex bf's as friends with the shallow purpose of keeping him on an alternates list. So do you want be perpetually always left hanging? Your choice. But you should find out...you were with her for 4 years. Surely you can just come out and ask her. Does she or doesn't she want a reconciliation?
However, if you think there is no hope of a reconciliation here. I think you need to simply tell her to allow you the space to recup here. Four months is not enough time for you to recover, especially from a committed 4 year relationship. It takes people anywhere from 6 months -1 year, to get over someone they loved deeply.
I also think she may have some regrets. But in hindsight , most people have regrets, but regrets are not love and she didn't have the requisite love for you, 4 months ago when she dumped you.. Sorry, that's blunt but...if you have another way to look at her, maybe this will give you a way to move on. Some of us cling to idealized memories of our exes far too long, and that's silly. If you are doing this, then maybe you need to understand that by doing this, you could be hindering the healthier path of recovery. Maybe you need to allow your heart to make room for the next wonderful, new gf who can replace this ex gf. But until you get there, she will get under your craw. If you wnat to get over her...stop all contact today. Good luck!
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