A
female
age
51-59,
*ebzie45
writes:Hi there,I'm in need of help. I started dating this man in sept. 2011 and we dated a year and got engaged October. 2012, moved in with him, things have been going great, was thinking i found a good man, then surprise I got into his email cause his ex came by and told me "he will cheat on you like he did me" and to my surprise he has been seeing this other woman since may 2011, and she broke up with him June this year, he said he was off looking to buy old cars and then I found all these dirty emails, I told him what I had found, he said it was nothing and I should of never looked at his email, he won't bring his cell phone in and I told him I'm hurt and my trust is gone and he kind of blames me, said I was the one who opened this can of worms and if I'd of waited he was going to tell me after we got married, I don't know which way to go, someone please help me, is there anything left.
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broke up, cheated on me, engaged, his ex, moved in Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2013): Everyone else has said it more eloquently, but may I just say, what a complete and utter fuckhead.
Seriously, run. You get zero respect, zero truth, and zero love from this dude. Any love he gives you is only to cement you to him to serve his own ends.
To be crude, you, the other woman, and all ladies are just interchangeable vaginas to him. Please run, and don't listen to anything he may say to try to stop you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2013): Of course he blames you...first rule of thumb for a cheater is to deflect, blame others and deny, deny, deny.I am so sorry this has happened to you. No, a man like this does not deserve forgiveness, nor does he deserve a second chance. This is who he is. As hard as it is, this man will not be able to be trusted and you will spend the rest of your days questioning everything. He carried this on for a long time and never flinched. He knew what he was doing, and it didn't matter to him.Be sure to thank his ex for letting you know. It's a hard pill to swallow, but can you imagine if you had not been told and down the road after you got married you found out what he's really doing when he is not with you? What a scum bag. You need to kick this man out or move yourself out now and don't look back. He made a choice, got caught and he needs to feel the consequences of his actions and choices. Do NOT cave and fall for any BS. If he wanted to be involved with different women, he should have never made that kind of committment to you in the first place. He broke serious trust and has dishonored and tarnished you and your relationship. And on top of it, he did the same thing with another women! It would be one thing if he was in the relationship with the other women before the two of you starting dating and you seeing the emails would have meant nothing because it was his past, but this is not the case.He was going to tell you about it after you got married? Ya, sure he was. He made it pretty far without you finding out, so the likelyhood of him coming clean, ever, was slim to none. And the fact that this is not the first time he's done this, it's more than likely he will do it again.You deserve to have a man you can trust, who loves you, respects and honors your relationship. There is nothing he can say to justify his actions. This is going to take some time, but you can get through it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 October 2013):
 There is nothing TO fix.
He doesn't think he did ANYTHING wrong. That is why he seems to cheat in all of his relationship, because he feels ENTITLED to do as he pleases.
It wasn't just a short casual hook- up it was a 2 YEAR relationship with another woman.
He was GOING to wait til AFTER you tied to the knot to tell you? Why? Because most women find it a LOT harder to walk away from a marriage then from a relationship.
END it and WALK away. Pack your stuff and MOVE out.
OR (and I would hate for anyone to do this) suck it up and live with a lying cheating guy.
Those are your two choices. YOU CAN NOT change this guy. YOU CAN NOT fix him or fix this. LOVE is NOT a magical fix.
Walk away. Actually.... RUN. This is your time to get out.
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A
female
reader, Debzie45 +, writes (4 October 2013):
Debzie45 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I would like to thank you all for your answers I see what I have to do I can't live this way I think about it all day everyday and all he says is I need to think about other things like mowing or painting feel like I'm losing my mind I gave up a job ,apartment, moved to another state now I'm broke and looking to find a way out.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (4 October 2013):
 It's not worth fixing. It's not like he had one indiscretion, he's a dyed in the wool 100% pure player and there is overwhelming evidence to prove it!
So typical of this type of man that he blamed you, and would he have told you AFTER the wedding?...I doubt it...he'd have just carried on until you found him out!!
You have had a very lucky escape and even though you may feel sad and upset about having to drop him, it's NOTHING compared to the torment and suffering you would have gone through being married to a serial cheater!!
If it were me, I would not explain myself or even speak to him, I'd pack my bags and go, change my number and leave him sitting in a big puddle of confusion and shame.
Whoever ends up with him (and believe me, some sucker will sacrifice their life)is in for a very rough ride...don't let that be you.
What a total jerk he is!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2013): Run for the hills... I went through the same thing... Read his email found he had been cheating, confronted him and everything went to hell in a hand basket. I was now the guilty person for catching him... Go no contact but only to help yourself to move on... He is not worth it, you deserve to be with someone who respects and adores you! Stay strong and remember you only live thus life once don't waste you energy on this person.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 October 2013):
END IT IMMEDIATELY!
I know it's hard, but not only did he cheat for a long time, he's a repeat offender, and, to top it off, he somehow blamed you for finding out about it. This guy is a total narcissist. Run or accept the fact that this will happen again and again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2013): I have to laugh - so this is your fault & wait, you should have waited he would have fessed up AFTER the wedding.
Well doesn't he just sound like an upstanding guy.
Whats there to be confused about?
Who cares what his response is.
The fact is - while in a two year relationship with you, he was in a two year relationship with someone else. Talk about humiliating, disrespectful and unloving.
And, you're confused about which way to go?
I'll spell it out to you....to your closet, get your clothing ...to the front door and into your car.
He is a no good cheat. Someone you could never trust. Someone who blames you and tries to illogically make it better by telling you he would have told you. What?!
You're smarter than this. Leave him. There is no trusting or loving foundation here. There never was.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (4 October 2013):
 The old saying "a leopard never changes it spots" is so fitting for your partner. His ex knows him better than you and warned you her own way. It is good she did.
I firmly feel if you cant trust him and if he didn't share this information with you (for whatever reason,) he still was sending dirty emails to someone else for his own person gratification behind your back.
Of course his natural instinct is to blame you and make you feel its your fault. Thats his ego way of feeling better about his lies.
Going through his emails wasn't right but at the same time it is good you did because you have a chance to know the truth before marrying a man who may stray and cheat again.
If you cant trust him dont marry him. He doesn't deserve your loyalty and most likely if you forgive him he will do it again (despite whatever he says.)
Wishing you the best.
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