A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:He cheated in past relationships. Will he cheat on me?I have a strong belief that people change and I feel such a strong connection with him that I am almost positive that my worries are only doubts stemming from my past hard times in relationships. What do you think? Can I trust him not to cheat while I am gone for a month? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think the problem is that I am more afraid of getting hurt than it is about me not trusting him. He was a small time cheater before and has been faithful to others when things were going well. He went through some huge changes in his life the year before he met me and these changes made him the person that I love,trust, and most of all have faith in today. So now my question would be... how do I help him to understand that trust isn't the issue and how do I channel my fears into something more positive?
p.s. thanks for all of the responses
A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (10 July 2007):
Hi there,
Was he a small-time cheater? What I mean is, were his cheats a slip-up a couple of times when a relationship was in trouble? Or was he big cheater? - Does he give women the run-around a lot? People can change, but unfortunately they often don’t. If he cheats a lot, then that suggests that he doesn’t have a great deal of respect for women. If he has a lot of experience in these games, he may be very convincing with the ‘talk’ of love and faithfulness, even though he might be lying.
You say you had a hard time in past relationships. Have you mostly been a good judge of men? Or have your troubles been caused by picking ‘wrong-uns’? If you have a bad track record, then maybe your question shows that you do have some serious doubts about him.
But, you know him, I don’t. If you feel that this time it’s different for him, then it must be worth giving him a chance. Really, the only way to know is to trust him and try. Anything else is guess-work. Just promise yourself that if he does cheat, it’s over. Don’t let yourself put up with bad behaviour because you care for him.
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A
female
reader, sophieleanne +, writes (10 July 2007):
 just asking the question "can i trust him" is a sure sign that deep down you dont feel you can. There is nothing worse in a relationship than having no trust , i beleive you are the only person who can answer your question but if there is doubt then get out!
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A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (10 July 2007):
 People may need motivation to make changes.
Ablity to change is different for everyone.
"Can I trust him not to cheat while I am gone for a month?"
I advise you take the risk and trust him or view it as test.
You cannot get pattern here, because you see only part of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007): You are both young, if he does cheat then you know he's not long-term material hey? The worries you have , if they continue, won't make for a happy relationship anyway.Trusting 100% is how a relationship grows x
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