A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:The man I have been sleeping with recently forgave me for all the hateful things i said after I found out he was sleeping with another women besides me. Even though i am grateful for the fact that he forgives me and wants to continue seeing me I am still very deeply affected by the whole situation emotionally. I care very much for this man and wish I could forget all this even happened. How do I start over with this man as though nothing ever happened if it is even possible? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008): let me get this straight, HE cheated and you bitched him out and he forgave you? Well isn't he the slick one. You have every right to be angry and say hurtfull things and he should be lucky that you are still speaking to him. How convienent of him to make it seem as though it's your fault you found out, it's your fault that he slept with another woman. I mean accouring to him you were right there forcing him and then blaming him for doing it. and you have the adasity to get upset. HMMMM-- you seem very loving to me but, remember to love your self. Forgive you... noo... he should be begging you for forgivness. You are better than this and although you think it may be the end it's not. This will not end here he will continue. Look up behavior on cheating spouces. Allow your self to be angry, hurt, morn, cry, get angry again whatever it takes. But no you cannot just move on and forget it happened nor should you.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Forgive him and do not look back to the past.
When you climb a mountain, you only look up and don't look down.
Remember the past is gone and cannot be changed.
When you start to think of his past, tell your mind to think for the present .
Always think that no man is perfect , so are we and we are only human .
We should not judge people for we can fall into those same traps .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): He cheated. You got upset and said some things. And he forgave you???? OMG girl, get some perspective here! He made you feel like you were the one who did something wrong. Do not walk away from this relationship-RUN while you still have enough self-respect to do so cause if you don't the time will come when you won't have the self-confidence to leave him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): You didn't say something like;
"You big meany!" You should of heard what I said to my husband!
I must of got off lightly!
Get some shoulder pads on and puff up a bit! Your weakness is all part of his game!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Uhmm, the answer to your question of how can you pretend it never happened and go on is;
YOU CAN'T - EVER - LIKE NEVER, When he was into you, he was also into her, so it's a hard fact not to face!
UNLESS
You can tell yourself and pretend that your with someone different, in other words continue to think he is the same man that he was before you found out he was having sex and intimacy with another lady.
So when you look at him, don't think about how he has lied to you and been unfaithful. Just keep pretending over and over that it didn't happen.
I guess that would be the only way that it could dissappear! If you can do that, I bow to you in orr.
Now, the other thing which is tricky is the fact that he was keen to forgive you for overreacting. I mean shit, you didn't really care - did you, or, d i d y o u?
See, I think it might be time for you to re-think that one, even if it is just for our curiosity - What was it you apologise to and needed forgiveness for? I don't understand that and need you to tell me why you were forgiven?
Uhmm, why did he forgive you? Shouldn't it be the other way round? I am confused!!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Hi
You're missing the point. If this guy has you believing that you getting annoyed that he cheated, is something you need forgiveness for, then thats gotta be manipulation.
I wondered if this question was a joke to be honest. Maybe we need some more details. Apart from stringing him up by his testicles and shooting him, i cant see what YOU should be forgiving HIM for. But hey ho! Its late here in the Uk!
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (4 March 2008):
 In response to the issue of being manipulative, I completely neglected to think about that. Now that i have, I can completely agree because in the past, I've done the same thing your man has. It's a pretty good defense tactic when you know you are the one who is in the wrong but don't want to look like the asshole. I'm not saying this is necessarily the case here but it is one thing to consider.-Jmo
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): Because you have nothing to be forgiven for! He cheated and you said bad words. Whatever you said it is nothing compared to what he did -- and it is up to you to forgive him (if you want to) NOT him forgiving you.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (4 March 2008):
 HE is forgiving YOU? im sorry but who cheated on who here? how dare he make you think that you are privileged to be 'forgiven' by him for his infidelity - wat does he think here, he's being generous? wat about you forgiving him? im sorry to say this but just reading this has enraged me. i cant believe that he has turned this around and made you look like the culprit in this. HELLO? get a clue hun, he CHEATED on you!!! he should be grateful that you have forgiven him. so wat if you said things wen you found out? you were upset, betrayed and hurting. again im sorry, but if was you i would get rid of this guy - he sounds like he is really manipulative and selfish. you deserve a man who wont make you feel bad when he goes out and cheats on you! this has really disgusted me that someone can rope another person into feeling bad for hurting. sorry to seem so harsh but i just am hurting for you and want you to see wat is really going on here good luck, if you want any more help just email me!xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't see where there is manipulation. How could someone that is forgiving someone be manipulative? I thought by him doing so he was accepting what I had said.
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A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (4 March 2008):
Did you and this man have an agreement of exclusivity? Did he lie to you about the other woman? Would you feel comfortable pursuing a relationship with him even if it isn't exclusive? You've stated that he's forgiven you but have you forgiven him? After carefully examining these questions and your own feelings, I suggest that you sit down and have a calm rational (read: unemotional and without drama or hurtful words) conversation about what you BOTH feel your interpersonal relationship should entail. Then, and only then can you even hope to move forward (or on) without animosity.
-Jmo
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