A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have ruined everything, I had a wonderful boyfriend for over a year and everything was always perfect. I was completely in love with him and we never fought or argued or anything. One day he looked at me at said he didn't love me and that it was over... but later ( a month or so) said he'd made a mistake and was sorry. He's a bit naive but I believed him and knew he loved me just as much as before. For some reason I knew this but couldn't apply it to the relationship anymore, we got back together but after a couple of months I went very strange, I am a faithful, honest girl but I started meeting up with someone else. I knew I still loved by boyfriend but it seemed that the trivial fun thing was easier to deal with than the fact that things wern't the same with my boyfriend. Luckily this second boy went travelling, and I just forgot about him. Then, when my boyfriend was away with the flu one of his best friends and I started spending a lot of time together and again nothing physical happened but there was something emotional there from him... and looking back, I just really wanted the attention. It lasted about a week, and I only saw him twice or so but we talked about it and decided nothing could/would/should happen. Again, I forgot about it, in fact I completely realised there was nothing I liked about him and just that I was shifting my own problems onto someone else. Things with my boyfriend got a bit better, but I still couldn't feel cose to him ( because of what he and I did) and soon after ( a couple of months) another boy came on the scene. It sound like such a horrible thing to do, but or some reason I didn't gage this at all at the time. Things were very rocky with my boyfriend at this time, and we broke up after a week but during that time I had been texting this THIRD boy... when it was over with my boyfriend I saw him a couple of times but ended it very soon because I knew I just did not want anything with anyone but my boyfriend. Its been two months, I feel awful and now all of these different things have come to light. I have really messed up, more than I could imagine i ever would. I know he could never be with him bt I am just as in love with him as the day I met him, obviously he doesn't want to talk to me, which is completey fair.. I just don't really know what steps to take from here. I have a few very strong friends who are supportive and know how out of character the whole thing was and I am so lucky to have them. I just want some advice about how to go forward, and gradually mend all the hearts I broke. I'm laying low and just concentrating on college but I'm just really lonely. I'm also scared of myself because I just didn't think I could do any of the things I have done. I am so ashamed. Please Please help me. (and try not to judge me) Thank you. Anything!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you!
A
female
reader, Jmo  +, writes (4 March 2008):
 We all do things out of character from time to time, so please don't beat yourself up over it. And unless you're leaving something out, I don't think I read a single thing you've done that could be interpreted as deceptive or even selfish. That being said, maybe you're holding on to the idea of your boyfriend because it felt comfortable. Maybe you could benefit from keeping things casual with the boys you know in general as opposed to feeling guilty about talking to ANY of them. Maybe you're in a point in your life where you feel so stressed out that it's easier to wallow in a crisis than it is to confront what's really bothering you (I apologize if that came off wrong). Either way, once again, don't beat yourself up.. You haven't done anything wrong and this too will pass. I wish you the best and assure you everything will be alright soon enough.-Jmo
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