A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Bit of help needed here. It is about my very first boyfriend.We had been going out for four years, being inseperable, his family was practically my family and vice versa. When we broke up he vowed to be my friend forever and for two years he was, sharing everything, even heartbreaks with new guys etc. Six years ago his father died. For months I was there for him supporting him through everything and then something terrible happened to me.I will not go into details but it was so bad it led me to try suicide twice. He came to visit during that time and we ended up sleeping together. I was drunk and destroyed and he was familiar and had a hug for me. Later that night he told me he had a new girlfriend and snuk out like a thief. He later sent me a very cruel e-mail accusing me of being a danger to his happiness and asking me to never contact him again.I was heartbroken (nothing to do with the sexual aspect of things, it was the friendship thing that got me) but respected that. So now, six years later he sends me a FB message asking me for my news in the 'good old times' spirit. Now, I am still very bitter about his behavior. My life was falling apart and he blamed everything on me even though I had no idea he was seeing someone else at the time. I can't even look at pictures from before this time. So many good memories destroyed for good. My idea is that since I have nothing nice to say to him I should just not answer but a number of new and good friends think otherwise. What does everyone here think? What is the best way to handle this? It has been six years and I am just as hurt. Surely he can't expect to pick our friendship up where we left from like that.People seem to think I am lacking closure which may be true but I am not sure that unleashing all the bitterness will do any good either and I can't in good consience be nice and casual either. Some insight would be really appreciated. Thanks in advance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): Do not respond to him....who knows what has happened in his life in these past 6 years. He wanted to leave you, esp. in a time where he could have been of some help, so let him stay where the hell he is. It's not being bitter, it's just that you don't want to be used (I am not saying that is his intentions) and you don't want him using your life as a revolving door where he can come and go as he pleases.
A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (2 September 2010):
 There's nothing wrong with not wanting to talk to him. What he did was harsh and you don't need to feel guilted into talking to him. Clearly your friends that are telling you otherwise don't quite understand just how hurt you got.
It sounds like he feels he can manipulate you. He feels whenever HE wants to he can write or call you and you'll always be there for him. The problem is, he wasn't there when YOU needed him. I suggest don't even answer him. You need to get over him and move on and it will be very difficult to do that with him in your life.
Don't answer.
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