A
female
age
41-50,
*ragonfly74
writes:I have been with my husband for six years. I am 34 and he is 28 we have a 4 year old and 8 month old. He has commitment problems. We get in a fight and leaves to his sisters for like 5-9 days then comes home for about two weeks and the cycle repeats itself. A couple of months ago he left and was gone for 6 days. When he left he told me I was bitch and a piece of sh*t so I said you think no one would want me? I could call someone right now and he would be with me. I was on the phone, but not with any guy. I think my phone happened to ring and he saw me on the phone.Anyway I just found out two days ago he thought I was going to be with someone so a couple days after he left he went to a girl's house that he knew liked him (They were together sexually when teenagers) and said that he did it out of spite. He told me they went downstairs to a room with a couch and tv and she bent over and he didn't get undressed put a condom on and tried but couldn't stay hard and said he couldn't do this and left. He said he has never cheated on me before and he only did it because he thought I was. I have unfortunatley said this a couple other times, but have never cheated on him... ever and he knows I didn't and that's not who I am. I said it because I was mad and tired of feeling like I'm not good enough for him. So why this tine did he do it? He said it was horrible, she ugly, he doesn't even like her. I don't know what to think? Please help!!!!!!!!!!!1
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): Wow, you are both sabotaging your marriage with your hurtful 'didn't really mean it' words. The tongue can be a 2 edged sword, and cruelty cuts to the soul.You need to stop the insanity, and how do you think your kids feel listening to this? For starters, you sound like you need a break! You're both taking out frustrations out on each other and that needs to stop. My prescription is to get a sitter at least once a week, and get out of the house. You need some time away to think. And please bite your tongue, and the same for him.
A
male
reader, guppypig +, writes (24 March 2009):
Yes. Move on. Please don't take offense, but you should also find a new religion too. Christianity does not seem to be working for you, especially if you think it means forgiving your husband's obvious sadism.
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A
female
reader, dragonfly74 +, writes (24 March 2009):
dragonfly74 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your answers. I really know what I said was wrong, but I have a hard time thinking that he only did it because he thought I was. He knows i have 3 kids at home... no babysitters.. never go anywhere just sit in house with kids after work. In reality when would I have an opportunity to cheat on him. My son is 12 my daughter is 4 and my other son was 5 months at the time. I go to church, I am christian and I value marraige and have very strong morals againest cheating and he knows that. After 6 years of knowing who I am and forgiving him after 4 years of his puting drug use in front of me and I came home to him going to jack off to one of my hawian dance videos when I was eight months pregnant and we were having sex still like 4 times a week and in our faith that was cheating. He told me nothing like that would ever happen again and I forgave him even though I felt cheated on and now this. Why do I have to keep forgiving him.. We both say things we don't mean when we are mad. He has told me one time that he was with a girl and sent me text messages of detail of how she was. It was all a lie, but I didn't go out and cheat. I think it is BS and there is no excuse... Maybe I just need to move on!
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A
female
reader, revanchist  +, writes (24 March 2009):
If your husband is impotent, this may be the root of your marriage problems. Women reach their peak later than men, so you may be craving sexual exploration.
That said, keep in mind that you have a baby together, who deserves a peaceful, happy home. Do not bring up these adult problems in front of your child. Insist on domestic tranquility, but explain calmly to your husband that you deserve to orgasm. As he can no longer sexually satisfy you, you will discreetly take a lover.
By opening this conversation, you can save yourself a lot of heartache over the coming years.
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A
male
reader, DLover  +, writes (23 March 2009):
A woman threatening to cheat on her husband should not really expect him to do nothing... he will react, strongly, often stupidly and will even regret it after... but after it's done, you can't change it.It is very important that your reassure him that:1) you love him 2) you never cheated on him 3) you never will
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): He did it because he was stupid. Stupid and hurt, in fact very stupid and very hurt.
He imagines you are shagging someone (stupid number 1) so to make himself feel better he went and shagged someone else (Stupid number 2)....if had waited a little longer and realised the truth it probably wouldn't have happened... only he didn't.
I think he is sorry and upset - dont think he enjoyed it and would probably never do it again (as you would cut his bits off)
But the really big mistake is the two of you arent talking. (stupid number 3) and that is the real cause.
Talk to him about how you feel and how he is etc.
Star.x.
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