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female
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*rokenheart
writes: I really need your advice. My life is such a mess. I'm married to the man of my dreams but we have been seperated for about two months. The seperation was hard for me to take and still is, to the extent where I tried to take my own life. I even saw a shrink after.You see, we have two kids together and three weeks after the wedding, while I was three months pregnant with our second child, my husband confessed to having an affair. He said it was a one night stand. Through much work through the pain and the hurt I forgave him.Things went good for the next year, then he started drinking and coming home at all hours of the morning. Sex was rare and so was his attention. I started talking to a very good frind of mine, with whom I became very close to during my lonely nights. We had an affair that my husband soon found out about from the housekeeper. He walked out of the marriage. The thing is it all caught me so off guard because I ended the affair months ago... he says I'm a liar, a cheat, and a deciet and he's better off on his own.. The thing is after the seperation I cried. I was doing that quite a lot, especially during the holdiays. He came over on Christmas day to see the kids and we ended up having sex after a glass of wine. Then he asked me to have dinner with him on his birthday on January 9 and we still had sex after. He even confessed that he went on one date. He says that all we have is great sex together and yes, he still loves me but he doesn't want to try any more because he doesn't think I can change.The thing is I've given up so much. I denied the entire affair. I just can't admit it to him. I told them that we were just really good friends,,please help me. I don't know how to deal with this. I'm hurting so much. I love my husband. He means everything to me.thank yousincerelybrokenheart
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female
reader, mountainmama +, writes (22 February 2006):
An interesting stat is that over 80 percent of wives who find out their H is cheating will stay with them. However, 79 percent of men who find out their W cheated kick her out. I think we can do well to emulate the men and never take back a cheat. Men see it as unforgivable, while women are more flexible (though they bring it up in every fight forevermore.)In your case, I would forget forgiveness to him--odds are he will justify more bad behavior. Forgive yourself, and realize that two wrongs definitely are not "even." Keep getting counseling and build yourself back up. I would walk on this one, and if he wants to come back you can decide whether you really want him and be healthier.
A
male
reader, dream_lover +, writes (21 January 2006):
 Two rights don't make a wrong!whats wrong with this picture?He cheated you took him back but when you cheated he walked out on you and the kids. What its ok for him but not for you.You need to remind him that you took him back when he cheated on you.You took him at his word that he would never do it again but he can't take you at your word.You need to sit down and think before you do something you will be sorry for later.If he can't forgive you for what you did I think he need to wake up and look what he gave up.you both need to forgive and forget and start again all over again.I think your a better women then he is a man.I think he needs to see what he is walking out on and giving up.If you feel you have to have him then you both need to work together not just you.hope it all works out for the best for both of you.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (20 January 2006):
 I am so sorry you feel this way. Reading between the lines here I think there is alot of self-torture you are doing to yourself which you need to stop. Cheating is never justifiable but soemtimes it is understandable. What you did was undersandable in the circumstances and you must give yourself space to be fallible or else others will have a harder time doing the same. You have to forgive yourself first and foremost then move on to admitting it to your husband.
Apologise but explain how his behaviour was making you feel. Try and keep the discussion as calm as possible, say you want him back and do little things to show your contrition and guilt and how much you still love him. Dont expect things to come back over night but if you work hard hopefully they will enventually. Good luck and take care:).
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A
male
reader, omgaya +, writes (20 January 2006):
dear b,i agree u are in a mess. i too see a shrink. first of all see that the future of your kids are safe. for that they need a dad and their biologycal dad is best. speak to your hubby and convince him that u are his soul mate...dont just talk write to him. some how letters have a kind of magic.most importantly dont take your own life. who will care for your kids if u die? they will be all alone and suffer much.think about it. this is a cruel world.one last bit of advice; let go...dont cling to the i in uwish u all the very best,may the power be with u!omgaya
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