A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey guys i recently found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex girlfriend... when i confronted him he lied to me but then i found out the truth from his ex and it turned out to be true i once again confronted me and this time he told me the truth...its been about 3 months since and we are tugging along trying to work on it... its sooo difficult because we both love each other so much.. however ive now come to stage where its far to hard for me to carry on... last weekend we did our final thing... we booked a trip away to a spa and we both knew that this was the last thing that we would ever do... we spent most of the weekend crying together... i wnna know that if im so sure that this is what i want why am i crying... if he didnt want me so much why was he crying his eyes out... im at a stage where im soo confused... i love him so much and he loves me so much... but i cant forgive him... i need some advice.. why is it so hard
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female
reader, Nandipha  +, writes (5 May 2009):
Hi
I am exactle in the same situation as u.I started dating this guy in November 2007.B4 the we have been frnds since March that year.He wanted to be in a relationship wth me but i was not into relationships then so we decided to stay frnds,we werent close frnds though.Along the way i fell inlove with him,he somehow saw that i liked him more than jus a frnd but still i did not accept him,not sure why.I was still a virgin,somehow again he found that out.After June I saw this other guy and we started dating.I knew i still loved him but i didnt want to mess our friendship coz i knw relationships always come to an end and i told him that.I dated this guy 4 three months,i gave my virginity to him.While i was still busy wth this other guy his(my current boyfrnd's) ex kept calling me saying i shud leave her man alone.i told her we are just friends and we were.He told me his ex wont let go of him but he doesnt want her.They were only "sleeping 2gether" and thts all.I broke up with this other guy becoz he didnt give me enough attention.It hapenned so quickly but i ended up in a relationship with him.We were so crazy about each other.He was so excited i finally accepted him until one night when he found out i was no longer a virgin.I think it was only a week while we we started.He acted as if all was well. During the holiday he introduced me to his family.I thought I had it all.We came back to schl,he didnt have a place to stay(registration problems)he told me he was staying with his frnd but he was staying with his ex-we were in the same residence for Heavens Sake.He "slept" with her from the 14th of February-Valentines day up until May.He told me days b4 tht he didnt blv on Valentines day.So he didnt get me anythng I didnt mind tht.In April I asked my roomamte to allow him to stay wth us.While he was staying in my room he was still cheating on me.I found out about it in August.He dinied everthng until i went to his ex and she told me all, baostfully of coz.I was devastated.All along i used to accompony him at night to his ex thinhking he was going to his frnd's room(in the same res).My whole life was turned down.I couldnt feel anything.I hated him but still loved him more.He was apologising but didnt regret anything.He said he did it bcoz he blvd id go back to my ex since he jus broke my virginity plus he has always blvd tht he will be the one to break the virginity of the one made 4 him.It never made sense to me and still doesnt.He also said it was bcoz he loves PC so much n his ex has it.Still there are labs here at schl.He only realised the pain he caused me this year 2009 when i tried breaking up with him.I couldnt break up with him.Im crazy inlove with him.Hes everythng Ive been looking for in a man.Im not an easy person but he can stand me.We went to a Pchychologist about this matter.I havnt really put it bhind me but it doesnt hurt the way it did b4.My problem which is delaying the process of fogerting is his ex's frnds and her,they always stare at me,undermine me,im sure they are laughing on how stupid i am that he made a fool of me jus under my nose!
I wouldnt advice u to take the steps i took coz the pain and anger are still there.Im only taking it one step at a time.Plus I DONT TRUST HIM N DNT THNK I EVA WILL.I expect anythng bad 4rm him.He says he has changed n grown ,Im hoping he really has.We are inlove and i blv we will get through this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you guys so much for all the advice i really appreciate it... i have offically ended things with him but stupidly we are still seeing each other but minus any physical stuff... its hard but i said we would remain friends and thats what we are doing now :) thanks again
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): Hello,
Let me tell you a little bit about me first. I was with my high school sweetheart for almost 7 years. We had an intense passionate relationship and I loved him so very much. I still love him but I found out that he cheated on me quite a few times. The first time he cheated on me I went through his phone, called a number and a girl picks up and she tells me that she was just with my bf sexually that weekend. she went on to give me detais. I was devasted. heartbroken and hurt. This was the first time that he cheated on me. I took him back each time because I loved him and felt that he could change.
I had a long talk with him recently and asked him why he continued to hurt me. He told me quite simply because he knew that I would never leave him. He knew that he could do anything, and I would never go. Each time I forgave him but there was a big empty part of me that knew in the back of my mind that we werent going to last.
Our relationship grew more an more difficult because I was never really capable of forgiving him. I told him yes, but I wasnt being honest with myself.
I would question what he was doing, where he was going. I became this nagging girlfriend and that is so not me.
Im almost 25 now. If I knew then what I know now I would have left him the first time he cheated on me.
I have learned that I wasnt aware (and Im still dealing with this issue) of what I was worth. I wasnt aware of my fabulous side. I wasnt aware that I deserved to be treated with respect.
What I can offer you is my story and hope that youll make the right decision. You have the rest of your life to be with someone. To be tied down, why settle for someone that clearly does not respect you or your relationship?
What I am learning is I have the power to change my life because I am a WOMAN!! think about all of the power you posess.
I hope I have made an example of myself for you. I have been through what you are going through. I know how it is to feel that no other woman deserves to be with your man. But i know that I do not deserve to be disrespected. Please open your eyes and take a look at yourself.
The way I think now, is if I had a child, if I had someone that looked up to me, would I be in that situation?
The answer is no. I would never want my child to go through what I have gone through. So I never want my child to see that and think that is okay.
Thank God I did not have a child with that person.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): Hi, Its going to be difficult especially if u feel so much towards him, I know its hard to forgive something like that and if u cant then its right u have ended it. Time is a healer and in time it will get better, maybe your time apart will make you see that u love him more than u thought and can forgive him, or maybe not as much as u thought and your better off.
Hope that helped a little, keep ur chin up x
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A
female
reader, Koibito17  +, writes (2 April 2009):
Dear, it's simple: break up with him.
Believe me, tonight, I knew from a friend of mine that my lover was going to date another girl. My decision? End it all up.
If he had done it to you once, wouldn't he do it again? Let's admit; things happen not only once.
I know it's hard to give up when you love him (I'm slapping myself for loving mine too deeply) but sweetie, there are still many men out there. Like what I've said, things happen not only once, so you can love for the second time (with ANOTHER person, that is). Don't let your relationship stay any longer if that's your bf's behaviour, dear; it's wrong.
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female
reader, sugar_sugar  +, writes (2 April 2009):
 It is hard because being betrayed by someone you love IS hard. The fact you are so upset over it does not mean that it's the wrong choice.The right decision is usually the hardest to make. Even when something is not working, or is bad for you it can be easy to stay in it because it's familiar and comfortable.If you can't trust him, it will never work. Trust me on that.Why is he crying? There are obviously things he likes, loves and will miss about you. Crying does not mean he won't cheat again or that he will be honest with you. If he truly felt bad about cheating on you (and not just felt bad because he was caught) he would have been honest with you the first time.
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