A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiI guess I'm an average 16 year old who loves her friends immensly. Many I have known since I was 4 years old, whilst others instantly became best friends when we met at high school. Recently, we've been disussing our futures, what careers we want etc and universities. I was quite shocked and hurt to discover that most of my close friendship group do not wish to keep in contact with me after we leave school in two years time. I've been told this is just being "realistic" as most people do not stay in touch with their high school friends when they go to uni and I know that this is true in many cases. However, I would have liked to have thought they would at least make the effort to try and stay in touch for a while. I feel angry and upset. All these years of friendship and they are willing to throw it away. Are these really true friends? If they feel this way why are we even friends now? They mean so much to me and the though of losing them is too much to bear, but I clearly mean much less to them. Or, am I being unrealistic, hoping I will have friends for life, and need to realise that we won't be together forever.Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.
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female
reader, Star114  +, writes (20 February 2010):
Your always going to have some friends who float away from you. You might keep in touch for a bit but after a few months you won't find anything to say. Your probably going to have a couple friends who do want to stay in touch, in fact you might even get to see each other when you're home from uni. Maybe you could try to plan a night when you all get together, maybe over christmas. Don't worry you'll meet lots of new friends.
S
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): I'm 15, and I didn't keep in touch with my middle school friends or elementary school friends, although I wish I did. Coming from someone who didn't keep in touch, and regrets it (especially now, because the friends that I did stick with--who, conveniently, went to the same high school as I did--dumped me, and now I have no one to turn to, while they've been keeping in touch with their old friends all along), keep in mind that they're probably really scared. They're scared of things changing, and they probably think that once high school is over, it's inevitable that all of you will grow apart. They might dial your phone number and then hang up, because they won't know what to say. Try and reassure your friends that although things may change, your friendship will always be important, if not in the same way, even years later. I dropped out of high school three months ago because my so-called "friends" harassed me day in, and day out, and again, I had no one else to turn to, because I hadn't bothered to make any other friends. I would have meltdowns, and no one would do anything about it. They would just laugh at me, and had my old friends from middle school or elementary school called me up out of the blue during this time, or at all, to ask me how I was doing, that would have made me really happy. So even if they say they won't make the effort to keep in touch, you should try and check up on them, anyway--it shows that you care, and you shouldn't assume that they don't care. You never know--they may be going through a difficult time, and they may really need you, and if you checked up on them every now and again, it could mean a lot to them. If you take the initiative, they'll be more willing to contact you, knowing that there's no pressure. Some people are just shy, and admittedly, take friendships for granted. That's especially common with people who are as afraid of social situations as I am. If not their best friend, in honor of the length and meaning of your friendship in the past, you should always be a shoulder to lean on, even as you and you friend lead different lives.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): Hi, thanks to everyone who replied!
I've had a talk to some of my friends about how I felt and you're right - I am worrying about this way too early. I need to enjoy the time I have with them now. I think some of them were just saying what they thought they should and that when it comes to it they'll be just as upset about losing contact as me. And those that aren't and don't make the effort aren't true friends. I have to accept the fact that people will move in and out of my life and that change is a good thing!
Thanks, once again.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (3 April 2009):
 I started uni last september and yes you do lose contact with old mates, but only if you let it happen.
People do grow apart and you will change and find out more about who you are as an individual. But with things like facebook theres no reason you cant keep on chatting to old mates just asking how things are. Plus when your back for holidays they will be the ones around and then they might wanna talk again!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): Hey,
I'm due to start uni in 2009 and I understand your proble, however uni proves who your true friends are. At uni you will meet so many new people and new friends and if your friendshi with them is that important, both parties will do their upmost to make sure it works out. Don't worry, I am just as scared as you, but realistically, you probs will lose some friends but that shows you what worthless people they are if they do not want to make the effort to prove their friendship.
Also, there is plenty of time before uni, before they go they will want to cling to what they have and realise how special and important your frienship is.
Good luck with everything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): It maybe that your friends are just saying what they think is the right (grown up) thing to say. Some of them might even feel as you do but, are relunctant to say anything in case they are seem as soft.
Reality is that if you guys all go away to uni i expect you'll also all visit home for the holidays. You'll see each other and keep in touch. Later as you form new friendships some of the old ones will slip away. Two years is a long way off so just enjoy being friends and don't worry about what might or might not happen when school is over.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (2 April 2009):
 Wow, did they actually say that they didn't WANT to keep in contact with you? Or that they could just imagine that you would all drift.
I think the natural response amongst good friends is to try as hard as you can to stay in touch until in some circumstances you grow apart and find friends that might fit you a little better.
I'm 22 and still great friends with my high school crowd as well as new friends I've made along the way. The ones I'm closest to now are not necessarily the ones I'm closest to then and admittedly priorities definitely do begin to change as you grow older.
I am with you in finding it shocking that they don't want to try and keep in contact after all of these years? Did you possibly misunderstand? Two years is still a fairly long time left in high school so I wouldn't worry about it too much yet, but maybe it's time to re-evaluate your friendships?
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