A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Please take the time and read my post.I have seen many replies on dear cupid about cheaters,can i add that my h/b was a cheater he had cheated a few times before he got caught,the reason he says he cheated was he liked the excitement the fear of getting caught even though he knew what he was doing was wrong he did not want to stop until now as he was found out.He never thought of what his actions would do to his marriage,he says he was selfish and stupid but it did not stop him doing it,he has stopped for now (who really knows if he wont cheat again)as for me i am dealing the best i can knowing that (in my eyes )my marriage has been a sham.We have done everything to try and rebuild what we had i have asked hundreds of questions the main ones beingIf you loved me you would not have cheated?you dont respect me ?If he felt that he was not getting what he wanted out of our marriage he should of talked instead of cheating.I could go on but the bottom line is what happens now?I am being the selfish one i have stayed with him , why you may ask i will explain.I am 49 years old i have not got the courage at this moment to walk away ,i am saving a little money i am getting everything i want to take with me out of the house bit by bit as i know once i go thats all i will have,i can not forgive him or forget what he has done and nothing he can say or do will ever take away the pain,the humiliation he has put me and our children though(they are all grown up)at the moment he thinks everything is fine and we are going to spend the rest of our lives together.He has made me a stronger person by his own actions he choose to cheat nobody forced him whatever he felt was missing in our marriage there is no excuse to cheat.I do belive what goes around comes around,yes i am being decitful by planning on leaving and i will leave i cannot spend the rest of my life with a person i no longer trust or respect who never respected me.If you have a partner who has cheated on you and cant forgive them it hurts like mad but you must think of yourself and move on i am unhappy i have been for a while i have sorted my head out and i am going to move on.I have wasted so much time being unhappy life is to short.He made his choice now i have made mine.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): well he fooled you for so long with his lies and cheating but he will not know what hit him when you leave. i am so glad that you are thinking of your financial well being and want to be financially strong when you leave.
now that you have had the strength to make that decision please do not waiver, then all your good intentions for yourself would have been in vain. so please PLAN secretly, do not let anyone (not even a good friend), strategise and milk him for what you can. he doesn't need to know that you are still devastated. he doesn't need to know that your heart has been shattered by his cheating but one day, you will actually show him that yu are the victor. and baby your victory will be so sweet.
for him, an old man with nothing to show. for you, the beginning of a new life, without him, without the humiliation, the hurt, betrayal and pain. yes, it will perhaps be a little lonely but start investing in yourself.
become a new you. new in your attitute, perhaps in your dressing, a new hobby, perhaps dance classes. it all begind now, so that in the future your "new" life is just an extention of the life you put in place.
i wish you lots of love and happiness and courage. i wish more women had the courage to do what you are planning. i know that you will succeed. it's about the planning and the execution of your well thought out plan that will get you through it all.
you have survived the worse . you can write the story of your future now. You will have a good life, just not with him. What goes around................. your hb will soon find out.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 High Five!
I know it hurt like hell to have had your heart ripped out, stamped on and then set a fire.
I truly think the saying:
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
Most women are scared of the being alone part ( if they leave) of the financial differences, the having to adapt, the "stigma" of being divorced, but I think most of all women are scared of failing. We want the Happily ever after. Well, I still think it is possible - BUT only of you have the two people in the marriage working together and bringing 120% to making it work, EVERY day.
Cheating is a no-no in my book too. I rather be a single mom of 3 then stay and spend my time being miserable.
The forgiving part can come later ( after the divorce if needed) and that that is ONLY forgivness for yourself.
I wish you the best of luck!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 May 2009):
 If I ever found myself in your shoes, I'd be doing exactly what you are doing. Once you get to the point of actually leaving, make sure you hire a lawyer, at your husband's expense of course. I think once you begin your new life the pain and unhappiness will be replaced by a huge sense of relief. Best of luck to you and please keep us posted on how you are doing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): I agree with you - I think there are millions of other men out there who will treat you with a lot more respect and understanding - who won't cheat on you.
The humiliation and pain are in your head - it will be a lot worse if it went on and then you found out? You have to switch your head to thinking the worst is over. Now its time to walk away and that takes courage and pride - you have the pride - i can see it in your post.
You are not selfish - no more than anyone here - you have tried to fix something that was broken beyond your abilities (- unless you could brain transplant him?) you tried. You could not fix it alone - and he wasn't interested.
Be strong - and you will find the person that is really into you.
Hug Star.x.
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A
female
reader, BethyBoo  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 Well done. It refreshing to hear that someone in the world is making the right decisions! You are very brave to just up and leave, really proud of you for making a stand. I hope this post inspires other women in your situation to to the right thing and get the hell outta there!
Thankyou! xx
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