A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem. Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 3 years. He is my first true love and I haven't been able to notice any other guy since. I am at Uni now and we are still together as we had agreed (he is still at home). He has cheated on me in the past (about 8 months ago) I thought I was over it we have been very happy since then, but I have noticed that when he comes to visit and he is on his phone I am suspicious. If he doesn't text me I am suspicious. Should I be? I mean he gives me no reason to be but I find myself wondering so often especially recently! He visited yesterday and I found myself looking at him wondering whether he was right for me. I have never done this before and it hurt as soon as I thought that because I love him so much but I'm confused because I know I love him and yet do I trust him? Could anyone (if it makes sense) explain this to me? I love him with all my heart, yet I doubt him. Am I just paranoid?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009): i totally agree wit SirenaBlusera on the whole trustin ur instincts
my guts where tellin me my bf still liked his other girl he feel heads over heels for and he barely jus admitted it
after 2 years of dating
it hurted and i cant trust him cuz i feel as though he compares us
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (27 November 2009):
 I am sorry for the pain you´re going true. I don´t want to hurt you, but you deserve to be free, and the truth will free you.
Of COURSE it´s normal. This guy lied to you. He broke your trust.
Furthermore, I have learned to pay close attention to my instincts. In the past I have ignored my instincts because I didn´t wanna hear what they were telling me, and I tried to convince myself to trust people that my instincts told me could not be trusted.
You deserve someone who will be true to you. This guy is selfish and immature.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): Sweeie, don't stay with someone you have to feel paranoid, if I knew what I know now, OMG, my husband would have never ever put that ring on my finger....!!lol
Your boyfriends morals suck...he has already showed you..I know it is devastating because he is your first love...my husband was too..
But do you want to be in my shoes 18 years later, thinking the man you have spent practically your whole life with has cheated on you...It is by far the worst traumatic experience I have had to endure...
You are young please, he didn't love you enough, if he did he wouldn't have done it...break away now while you can
I can't tell you enough to leave...
Good Luck
xoxo
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): I admire you, I know I wouldn't be able to get back with my man if he cheated, nor would I expect him to get back with me if I cheated. But thats just me, you've been strong enough to forgive him and give it another chance. Of course you'll be paranoid. He broke your trust, and you need time for him to build it up again. Are you happy? Lack of trust and paranoia can destroy relationships, so maybe he has broken something between ye, so you need to ask yourself can it improve given time, or is it time to give up on what ye have? Best of luck, keep us updated! I hope whatever you choose, you'll be happy
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (27 November 2009):
 You will be, until you come to terms with the past. It happened, but if you forgave him of that, you need to with your whole self.
Most of our emotions stem from two main areas, although within those areas their are different ranges and forms of emotion. (1) The desire to be loved (2) The fear of loosing love.
He cheated, so you have fear of that happening again. But in reality, isn't worrying about something that he hasn't shown signs of it happening a waste of time and energy that could be spent loving him today?
Remember if he cheats, you have a choice to forgive or say see ya. Doing what you're doing is condemning him without the evidence to do so. This will take away from what is really important. If he cheats tomorrow, fine leave, but know you loved him with all your heart today.
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A
female
reader, puppylove101  +, writes (27 November 2009):
 No, this is all very natural. But, he did cheat on you and you know what they say? Once a cheater always a cheater. And if you're having second thoughts about HIS love and HIS trust, then dump him. Sometimes you may think you love something, but it takes a few seconds to say "I love you", but a lifetime to show. Now if he cheated on you, that doesn't sound like he wants to committ to one girl. JUst go with your gut it is never wrong.
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