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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: At the beginning of this year, I met possibly the most amazing guy at my university. We became almost best friends through the course of the year, we did everything together and talked everyday. However, I had fallen really hard for him. Although he seemed to flirt with me, he always acted disgusted at the idea of us being more than friends. I never told him what I felt. However the other night we got a bit drunk at his house and I slept in his bed next to him...he immediately started cuddling me and kissing me. He then begged me for oral sex; and thinking that this would change our relationship to the next level, I gave it to him. He then suggested I grab a condom so we could have sex, but I didnt want to go that far so we ended up just falling asleep. The next morning he never mentioned it, he couldn't even look me in the eye. It is now two weeks later and he hasn't spoken a word to me. I've tried talking to him but he ignores me. He has never treated me this way, and although I still like him, I think I may have lost his friendship which I don't think I can live without. I am so upset about what has happened. I think about it all the time, and my family and friends are starting to notice how quiet I've been lately. Why is he acting this way? He is the type of person who doesn't get hung up about anything. We're best friends. Should I just leave it and wait for it to pass? I just want what we had back to to normal.
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best friend, condom, drunk, flirt, kissing, oral sex, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys, what you've all said has really helped, especially because I can't actually tell anyone I know. I think I'll be seeing him with our group of friends next week. I'll just try and act like the way things used to be. Just not to make it awkward and to show that we can still be friends....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): He probably found it odd that you gave oral sex, but refused intercourse. You clearly wanted to take it to the next level, but not all the way, leaving him confused how far your relationship had gone. As such, he may think he's the one who got "used" in the encounter.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (27 November 2009):
 Sounds like regret spiced with guilt. He didn't want anything more than a friendship, he let the drinks influence his judgement, and now he can't see you the same way he did before.
Give it time, and don't pressure him. Just let your body language around him show him you're fine with what happened, that he needn't feel guilty, and he may come to terms with it and be willing to carry on with some kind of relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): Just a thought, but you know, maybe he picked up on you feeling a bit more than just friendship for him. You know, maybe he noticed that you like him and want him to be something more, and well, he just sees you as his friend. Guys get scared over this type of thing, so sometimes they just ignore you until they think you've moved on. It has happened to me, almost exactly the same way. Guys really can have sex just for sex, even with a close friend, and not have it mean anything emotionally to them.
I'm sorry, I know it hurts, but maybe you should just move on. Some other guy will appreaciate you for more than just a friend... you're in college, go out and have fun!
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (27 November 2009):
 Yes leave him alone, maybe he just needs some space to process what just happened. I think it's interesting that he used to act disgusted by the idea of seeing you as more than just a friend, yet he quickly begged you for oral sex after a few drinks. Who knows where his head is out, I would just move on, however painful that may be and perhaps when he's had time to figure out his own head he'll call you.
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