A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:Why is my boyfriend doing this? I don't understand:(?my boyfriend is always depressed.. he says everything is not fine with his family ever since his dad died. he keeps saying his sisters and brother are not happy..but all 3 of them have university degrees and all have good jobs.. i know cos ive spent some time getting to know them..they live in nice houses and all drive..one of his sister is married so is his brother.i dont know why he worries too much cos hes only 21, hes at university and his sisters dont seem to help him out with money, even though they both have well paying jobs..his brother helps him sometimes and pays for his fees.his sisters didn't even get him nothing for Christmas.. it gets on my nerves that he cares soo much about them but not about himself and me.. why is he like this?i dont like it cos it makes me seem selfish and a horrible person..but his siblings are old enough and seem to have a good life.. so what is my boyfriends problem??what should I do? please helpthanks..xx
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female
reader, iicandyxoxo  +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Have you tried talking to him about all this?.
have you tried talking to his family about this?.
If you haven't maybe try doing that as the first step.
If he doesn't seem to talk about it maybe get him some counseling?.
Also .. I am srry to hear that his dad died.
Broke my heart reading that part :/
Hope everything works out. xxx.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): You know - this is a very complex situation. I have a similar issue in my family. My father passed away when I was 17 (and my sister was 25).
My sister is now 31 and married, with a 2 & a half year old son & another baby on the way. Between her & her husband they are bringing in $158,000 a year! Which is a good salary...with that said...I bend over backward to help my sister. I drop everything to help her out, babysit for free, buy her things and what not...yet I'm nothing more than a university student with little to offer; paying my own education (even though she had her education paid for, was given a car, lived rent free and given a cell phone). I wasn't given any of those privileges and they've never done anything to help me out...not even as much as paying me back for picking up random things for them etc.
Anyhow...to answer your question - there really isn't a clear cut answer!
I have reason to believe that as the youngest, we're always eager to please our siblings. For some reason, we just want to be helpful and we really value our siblings and for whatever reason - they don't seem to return the favour to us. It's like they feel really entitled and we just want to help and be loved and more than anything just have a good relationship with them but for some reason they just won't put the effort into it.
I don't think you sound selfish for saying that, but I guess it's just hard to understand and can be extremely frustrating (for obvious reasons!).
The best thing you can do is be there for your boyfriend and gently make him realize exactly what you are saying. If he can slowly learn to distance himself in a healthy way, he can have a much better relationship with his siblings.
it's just strange because it's like your boyfriend values family and keeping them together while the siblings are just looking out for themselves. Like I said, there's no simple answer.
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