A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and this boy ive known for years likes eachother problem is that he has a girl,see im a virgin and i wana lose my virginty to him. i really like him. we have fun and everything. i told him he cant take it til he breaks up with her but its tempting because i want him bad. he always saying she treats him wrong so i comfort and talk to him and we kiss and evereything but meanwhile i met this one dude at the mall, and hes really sweet.Should i move on with him while im waiting or what omg im feeling them both but i want the dude with the girl i knew him longer Please tell me what i should do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): How is he really sweet?
What about when (if he leaves her) you are together, and he goes kissing another girl and plans to get with someone else, perhaps take her virginity too?!?!
These things happen, you are friends, the person you like gets with someone, you wait for them, you talk as you are still friends, the other person thinking of leaving the other, then when (if) they break up, you try and get together.
What also happen is, the other person cheats on the other person with you, and trust me 90% of the time s/he will not leave the relationship. As illogical as it seems being treated bad in a relationship is hardly ever the cue to leave... (example: domestic violence).
Ok, cut to the chase... he needs to vent. He probably isn't getting much loving from her, you can provide this, what you can't provide is the security and power they have over each other, which means he wont leave the relationship.
I say, if he can officially end it (i.e. not just lie to you) then go for it. Otherwise, don't be silly. I fooled for this twice when I was 14 and 19. My brother fooled for this when he was 28!! My best friend (who is female) fooled for this about 4 times. it just doesn't work out.
Remember you can save your virginity. It isn't important to you that he is a virgin, so you are in control. This relationship of his isn't going anywhere. You'll have him within 2 years if you can wait.
Your options: 1) Wait until he is single and go for it (could be a while to wait (but unlikely) which means you get to keep him) or 2) Go for it now (but he wont leave her for you)
At the end of the day, do you want a relationship or lose virginity? Pick 1 for relationship. Pick 2 for losing virginity. You seem to value virginity quite a bit although not excessive so I think you should wait for him. I would be surprised if they lasted 3 months... you can still kiss him if he wants but don't go further.
A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (12 September 2010):
 He has a girlfriend, which means he's unavailable and off-limits. If he does break up with her, how do you know he won't do the same to you some day?
I agree with Yos, you should be less concerned about losing your virginity. You're setting yourself up to be used and tossed away by someone that isn't even worth your time.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 He sounds like a real prize, I can see why you want him so badly.
I think it's great that you want to use your virginity as a bargaining chip, thank goodness you have set a price on it.
If either of these things piss you off, you might want to rethink your thinking process...
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (12 September 2010):
Do you want him only because you knew him longer? and further more he will break up w/ the girl or tell you that he did! and he will take your virginity and then go back to her. and if she was so mean to him why is he still w/ her? did you know boys or men will always say bad things about the women they are with in order for you to feel sorry for them or to make you think that they are breaking up w/ them in order to get you in bed! so i think you should maybe see the sweet guy from the mall! and also grow up some before you sleep w/ anyone! and educate yourself as well.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Legioness  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 I think you should ditch that guy and persue the other that you met at the mall! It's never a good thing to get together with someone who's made you their bit on the side, chances are they'll do the same to you. Would you really want to lose it to a player? Or would you prefer something a tad more meaningful? I think that latter, and i think you would too. Personally I don't see what the big deal is about losing your virginity, but if I could go back in time the first thing I would do is change mine.
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A
female
reader, sarahrose20 +, writes (12 September 2010):
yos is right you may want to lose your virginity but its not something you can ever get back once its done it cant be undone. also i deff would not go for the guy with a gf wether he leaves her or not hes not going to be faithful to you if hes nor being faithful to her. its obvious hes only looking to score, i mean how would you feel after giving your virginity to a guy then find out hes making out with other girls? you dont know this other guy that well either and hes prob looking for the same thing.,, your inocense just fool around in other ways if your really that eager like oral or finger penatration,
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 You know you don't want to lose your virginity to a guy who has a girlfriend right? What will you so when he says "well that was nice but actually I've decided not to leave her"?
I suggest you stop worrying about losing it and focus on finding a nice steady boyfriend first. One without a girlfriend. Once you have that part sorted, then start worrying about the sex
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