A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I still remember when I first fell in love. Or fell in what I thought was love. It was unrequited and I was very young.I managed to stay in that infatuated state for a good four years. Many things happened during that time. For example, he found out how I felt, and decided to take advantage. He practically used me as kissing practice and I should have seen what was happening but my stupid lovesick mind promised me he was genuine. This resulted in me losing friends over what had happened. He had basically made my life miserable because he knew I would fall for it. Two years on, I still loved him despite what had happened, I wouldn't do anything to hurt him deliberately, but he was the source of all my problems and even though most people had forgotten about it, I still blamed him. When people asked me if I still had a crush on him, I would reply, "yes, but I don't like him, he's a dickhead".The fact that I had referred to him as this got out to him, and he text me asking why I was constantly slagging him off behind his back.I wanted to scream at him, "WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK?!" but I remained calm and told him I would never do anything to hurt him on purpose. (This was a big fat lie, I wanted him to suffer. But I felt a bit bad.)We text back and forth during one evening and the texts broke my heart. I cant remember exactly what was said but there was something to the affect of "There's never gonna be anything between us so move on for god sake!"I have a bit of a reputation for being made of stone. I often joke that I have evolved my tear ducts away but this text brought a tear to my eye, and knowing who it came from didn't make it any better. I had convinced myself that he would never hurt me again. He continued to tell me about how I make him feel stupid and bad for not liking me and that I was constantly moody because he "wasn't allowed to like other girls" which was total crap because I always congratulate him when he moves onto his next prey.He told me that it was annoying that I liked him. I'm sorry for inconveniencing you. We eventually stopped talking and deleted each others numbers as not to argue anymore, but what really annoyed me is that he is constantly denying kissing me to everyone. He even denies it to my best friend which worries me because one day she might stop believing me.After these texts I really saw who he was. He's a coward, a liar, a player and a dickhead. He really deserves that title. And after two years of trying to get over it, I managed it in two days.But I've won. And I know I've won because when he saw me at school laughing with my friends, he looked really sad. Like the texts affected him more than they affected me. He had said he didn't mind being my friend, but why would I want him to be? I wasn't going to give him the glory of being second best to a girlfriend. It would look like I couldn't live without him which I can. It's really bothering him the fact that I well and truly don't need him. And that's giving me the glory that I had an impact on him. And after four years of me having a crush on him, he can't handle it now I don't. Because he needs me but I don't know him. And now I'm over him, I've been blind to the other guys who are actually interested, who I can actually flirt with, and who are actually nice to me. And I like them back. And I well and truly wouldn't do anything to hurt them. The fact that it hurts him is just an added bonus.
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best friend, crush, fell in love, flirt, kissing, liar, move on, player, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (19 January 2013):
So what do you want advice on? Sounds like you’ve moved on from a guy who never took you seriously and treated you badly, great! Good for you! I think the best thing to do is carry on ignoring him and don’t go out of your way to hurt him. The only slightly worrying thing about this post is how much you seem still to be revelling in the fact that he is hurt. Whilst that’s understandable as he hurt you very badly, I would caution you against appearing to be smug or making it known you think it a bonus that seeing you moving on is hurting him. You don’t want to come across as a bit of a bitch! Not least because if other guys think you’re interested in them because it gets to a former crush, they won’t think very highly of you. Just make sure you’re doing whatever genuinely makes you happy, not what makes you feel good about getting one over on this former crush. Just keep your dignity and don’t factor him in to your life choices in the future. He will probably be reflecting on his behaviour and kicking himself that he didn’t treat you better, but he might learn from this and make better choices for himself in the future too, but stay out of his life. The past is the past. Enjoy the happiness you seem to have found and richly deserve.
I wish you all the very best.
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