| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: oh someone please please give advice as soon as...i am in a relationship with a man for 1 1/2 years. In the beginning he moved in and did pay his way for 3 months, he lied about a lot of things and it has now ended up with his family hating me and i don't know why. when i first met his family we all got on great but not long after they discussed me behind my back in apalling ways and his ex and her new partner have even threatened me of which my partner has said or done nothing about. my other big upset is that as you can imagine because of all of the above it led to a lot of arguements. i feel i tried so hard to talk things through after the anger of what he did, but he never ever looks me in the eyes or even looks at me, he won't talk - only when it suits him and then half the time demands me to answer, if he does talk it's always via text message, he never wants to sort things out properly. He can ignore me for days and speaks when it suits him. He leaves the house as and when it suits him and doesn't tell me where or when he is returning.If and when he decides to talk it's as if nothing has happened,he 'll just ask something like - do you want a cup of tea but still make no effort to talk to me or about the issue in hand. I have tried to talk so many times and tried so many times to ask him to sort things out with me when they need sorting, ie talk to me - he says he will, but never does,he doesn't show me very much affection.i have to ask all the time for any thing that needs to be done in the house or giving me affection,but it never lasts the affection and he won't do anything on his own thinking,i feel like i have to think for him,please i don't mean this wrong but he just doesn't think about anything that needs to be done. He doesn't approach me after an arguement ,i always have to approach him.Even then i get nothing back,he sometimes just will not answer at all and just walk away,it makes me feel like i am in the wrong.When he finally does decide to say something to me he constantly says are you still ignoring me,but it's not me it's him,i feel like he blames me for a lot of things.Thye first argument started one day when i was feeling low because of him actually and the way he wasn't paying his way and making my home so much his home.i didn't want to start an argument so i decided to go up stairs and cry it out and may be later that evening talk to him. He came up stairs kneelt in front of me told me that i had something wrong with me and said i was just like all the rest and only wanted him for his money.This is not true,he shouted all this and was said in a nasty way,all to which his son was staying.he would shout loud to me when his sons are here then threatened to take them home or did.Now one of his sons doesn't like me either.He doesn't ask if i am all right when i am crying.he constantly is leaving or getting sacked from a job and when he does it's me yet again to pay for all until he finds another job.he doesn't repay me.We had an arguement the other day and all he said is that now the bills are paid thats it hey and said he wasn't going to leave so it would look like his fault.i find now the i get so angry and shout, abuse at him when we start arguing, i don't want to but i feel so unloved and used. he just won't sort anything out at all when we argue,in fact i sort everything that is needed in the house and with both my child and his.Please please help is it me i need to know.may be it's me may be i am to picky.I have tried so many times to talk to all the above to him,but still to no avail.i feel so bad about myself and embarrassed
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his ex, money, moved in, text, unloved Reply to this Question
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female
reader, siren1  +, writes (3 November 2007):
 hi by the sound of this guy and his family there taking you for a mug and you are letting them if i was you i would tell him how you feel about everything open your heart if he still carries on the same way then its time to move on am sure there is plenty of other guys out there who would give there all to you and most of all respect you of which this guy is not so what you got to lose not much by the sound of it so good luck and let me know how things go remember theres a lot of better guys out there so dont let yourself be treated this way your a lot better than that!
A
male
reader, dapone 1 +, writes (3 November 2007):
 Dear annon.
I am sorry that you are suffering through this problem, this guy is a total looser why are you putting up with him and his family treating you this way, there is NOTHING wrong with you, he is the one who is ILL, how can another human being treat you like this, he is using you like a door mat and you are letting him get away with it,if the house is yours then tell him to to go, if he refuses, get the police involved, they will soon shift him, goodness woman are you not better than this, you deserve love in your life,respect and not all this rubbish, take no more nonsense,who in their right mind would not give you affection and love, you need these emotions in your life you are just going through the motions and that is no good because you are not being loved the way you should be.
All these people are takers, they do not love you, they are taking advantage of your good nature,you deserve more from life than this, you need some one in your life who will be caring,responsive loving, and not let you go up stair crying and blaming you, you really need to think this out, then throw this bum and his family out of your lives once and for all,You do not need him or his family, they are dragging you down to their level and getting a kick out of hurting your feelings,do not hesitate get rid of the lot of them, you will be a lot better off.
Hope this will help you good luck.
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A
female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (3 November 2007):
 oh dear god! what are you still doing there !
look this isn't your fault even a little bit so please stop blaming yourself and please stop crying:(.
don't let him see your weakness , please walk away maybe it is hard for you but you have no futur with this man you are just waisting your time , even if you love him, i don't see a good futur for the two of you so sorry to say' u have to leave him' better for both of you and especialy you , if you will stay with him any longer you will have more and more feelings for him. so why stay if he treats you that way? i know for a fact that you know better than anyone that you deserve much better then that cause if you were satisfied with what he had given you , you wouldn't have been writting this colum...
why feel embarrassed about something he does? why feel bad for something you never did? you didn't do anything wrong! so please chear up .. and keep in touch i think i would love to see what happens next....
good luck .bye and please take care XXX
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