A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a serious problem with my boyfriend. We have been together for five years and have a three year old twins. His ex girlfriend, who is also his other child mother is a serious problem in our relationship. He cheated on me with her multiple times, in fact gave me an STD while i was pregnant that he got from her. His lies just wont seem to stop. They recently started rebuilding their relationship as **parents** and the lies start again! I found very inappropriate pictures of her in his email, just found another Skype he made where she is his only friend. So today I decided to ask her what is there relationship and she laughs at me! She called me immature and He tells me im being immature because I go looking for stuff and I should have never asked her. In the heat of the argument I called her daughter ugly and I called her a wh**re. I should mention that I do go through his things all the time, but I feel like there should be nothing for me to find. I don't know what to do about this situation. I should mention that I do go through his things. I don't know why I dislike his daughter so much either. I need advice. I get really explosive everytime i find out he has lied to me and then I get called crazy??? Just really need advice! any adive!
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cheated on me, ex girlfriend, his ex, immature, std Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2013): From my experience, they're only calling you immature because saying that deflects the attention away from their bad behavior. I would recommend trusting your gut and dont doubt yourself. You know something is up. Don't let those two lying cheaters fool you into feeling like youre the one with the problem. They are being immature, selfish and despiable. You're right, they are wrong. Dont fall for their manipulations. Leave them to it. They sound like scum.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 April 2013):
 Breaking up is the mature ADULT thing to do. AND that’s what you tell him. “I am being a mature adult and I have opted to no longer be involved with someone who lies and cheats and disrespects me.”
See an attorney for child support and visitation arrangements. Have the Child support garnished out of his wages so you do not have to deal with him in any way.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (30 April 2013):
 I told him we need a break this morning.He told me be an adult for once. I don't know what I'm doing wrong!?!?! What can I say to not sound "immature"? Does being mature mean that I should let him have affairs with this woman??
You aren't doing anything wrong. Your boyfriend is. He is cheating on you, lying to you, taking money from and giving it to his ex and he even contracted an STD from her and she called to tell you about it. If anyone is immature, it's him.
You told him you want to take a break and he tells you that you're immature, probably in some half assed effort to gain control back or to put it into your head that you aren't thinking clearly. In my opinion, both him and her are to blame and both of them should be held accountable. Obviously she knows he is involved with you and she shouldn't have engaged with him sexually or anything other than a parent to his child.
I think you are right in wanting to take a break. Let her take care of him for a while since she seems to be so keen on doing it and letting you know.
Take a break, concentrate on you and the babies. Let him deal with the drama that he has created. He sounds very immature and incapable of being a decent human being.
Good luck to you, I was stuck in a similar situation and wasn't happy until I kicked his ass to the curb and found the man who is now my fiance. Good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (28 April 2013):
 "I told him we need a break this morning.He told me be an adult for once."
This just goes to show that he is incredibly immature and unreasonable. You did something mature (suggesting a break, although if it were me I would be suggesting something a little more permanent) and he calls you immature. He is ridiculous. He doesn't recognise maturity because he has never grown up. Being mature means that you put your children first and choose a better life for them and for yourself than you can ever have with him.
If he calls you immature, let him. Let her call you immature. It doesn't matter. Let her have him, it sounds like they are as bad as each other and deserve one another.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou all have great advice. To answer some question; Yes, I knew she was the individual who gave him the STD because she called me to let me know that he was taking my money and giving it to her and son and she was the one who gave him the STD and was just laughing on the phone.
To the gentleman who referred to me as a self-absorbed immature female.. NO, I did not know he was a liar and cheater when I got pregnant. I had no clue any of this was going on. When he ex found out I was pregnant she put all of this out on the table.
I told him we need a break this morning.He told me be an adult for once. I don't know what I'm doing wrong!?!?! What can I say to not sound "immature"? Does being mature mean that I should let him have affairs with this woman??
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (28 April 2013):
You need to leave him ASAP. He is a total waste of space and is obviously cheating on you. He gave you an STD and you didn't leave him? While you were PREGNANT? Come on.
I know what it feels like to have low self-esteem and want someone to love you, but this is going too far. He is not the guy for you. He is a poor excuse for a man and things will never get better. He's been caught cheating and he still carries on. He has no respect for you at all. You have no respect or trust for him if you feel the need or consider that you have the right to go through his stuff all the time.
Why are you directing your anger towards the ex and her child? The child hasn't done anything. You shouldn't call anyone ugly and especially not a child. You don't know how damaging that can be. The ex might be a total bitch but this isn't her fault. It is your good-for-nothing boyfriend's fault, and your fault for staying with him.
Things need to change. Only you can change them. You have two children and you need to be stronger for them, even if you won't do it for yourself. This guy is walking all over you and probably laughing at you behind your back with his ex while he hops between your bed and hers. He just doesn't care.
Take those twins and get out of there. Want and demand better for yourself. Make a life for yourself and your children. He is not worth it. He is not worth anything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): I am very well aware that being upset and angry can make us say things in the heat of the moment. I have said things far worse than this in similar circumstances. Personally I would get out of this relationship. The baby mother and her child are not going to disappear, your partner is clearing having it off with her and you and the twins are going to be the ones who suffer. If you can take the children and go back to your parents or find a flat to rent without him. File for child support and don't get dragged down or into this any further.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (28 April 2013):
You called his daughter ugly? And her a whore?
It's not okay to tell a child they are ugly or insult them just because of who her/his parents are. It's not her fault she was born into those two. Whether you said it in front of the child or not is irrelevant.
He cheated on you with her while you were pregnant and he gave you an STD. Why didn't you leave him then?
He lies to you all of the time and you know he is lying. Why would you stay with someone you can't trust? Or that tells you you're immature when you catch him in a lie? Or that obviously hasn't moved on from his first baby momma?
This is not a healthy relationship. Especially not for your girls. They see mommy and daddy fighting, possibly yelling at each other and they are going to think that is how a relationship is supposed to be. If you don't get out for your sake, at least get out for your daughters' sakes. You deserve a lot better than this and so do your girls.
He is lying, cheating, and you know it. He has given you an STD which means he might be cheating on you with more than just her unless you know she had the STD as well. Leave him, file child support and get the hell out of this unhealthy relationship and vicious cycle of hate, misplaced anger and dishonesty.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2013): Some relationships bring out the best in us, while others the worst. You've caught him in lies & he has cheated on you, the trust is gone.
I can understand your anger at her & him, but the children are innocent.
Don't stay with someone you can't trust. He isn't worth it.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 April 2013):
 Umm, leave him?
You know he's cheating, lying, and he should have been gone ages ago. Leave him, file a child support order in court, and never see him again except for visitation for the kids.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2013): "I called her daughter ugly . . ." "I don't know why I dislike his daughter so much either."You have a major problem. You are visiting your grievances with your lying, cheating baby daddy and his other baby mama upon an innocent child who is also your children's sister. Unacceptable and inexcusable. It's not the child's fault that you chose to get pregnant out of wedlock by a guy you knew in advance was a liar, cheater, and already a baby daddy once over. Ex-girlfriend's not the problem in your relationship, baby daddy is; she's not the one who's been repeatedly hopping out of your bed and into someone else's, HE is, and she's not the one who's been repeatedly lying about it, HE is.Unfortunately you and his ex-girlfriend are tied together for the duration through the siblings with whom your lying cheating shared boyfriend knocked both of you up. You can't deny your kids access to their father and you shouldn't deny them the opportunity to know their big sister, doing so would only punish your kids for being innocent bystanders caught in the fallout of a war between two self-absorbed immature females fighting over a worthless sperm donor. I suggest you seek counseling, it's the only way you are ever going to be able to control your misguided and misplaced anger. Don't blame her, don't blame her kid, don't punish your kids, blame HIM and hold HIM accountable!!!!
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