A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Honest opinions on this, if you are taking a girl out on dates, so you are dating now. Is it okay to still kiss other girls, or does that count as cheating even if she isn't your girlfriend?I don't mean a lot of dates only about 2 maybe 3, but say you text each other a lot and have been seeing each other for a month beforehand and then I decided we should start dating properly. But like I said, we have only been on 2-3 dates, is there anything wrong in me kissing another girl? I see it as i'm not committed to her, she isn't my girlfriend and we have only been on the very few dates, hardly any in fact! So what's the harm?But she saw a photo of me kissing another girl on facebook and is now being off with me and I said we aren't actually together so why is she annoyed. And she said the fact that I was the one who suggested we start dating properly, she thought that meant I had more respect for her and liked her enough to not want to kiss other girls.... I don't think that's fair though, because I do like her a lot otherwise I wouldn't be asking her out on dates or texting her! I just assumed we aren't together, i'm young, i don't have any commitments and if it happens then it does. I don't go out with that intention, but sometimes when I drink I'll end up kissing someone else, i can't understand what's so bad here! Opinions on this would be great, and not just the girls please i need more of a mans view?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): Since you are not exclusive then yes, technically you do have 'the right' to kiss other girls. But you have to realise that most girls will react like this and think you're a douche because of it. No one likes to think they are just one of many, and it comes across as tacky that you are using a technicality (not exclusive) to get away with being a player. It's your choice really - keep doing what you're doing and get the reputation as a womanising douche, or stop it and have girls still want to date you.
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (28 April 2013):
 What you did was a turn off. It is cheating. If you weren't "properly" dating her, then yes, I'd consider all women fair game, but you messed this one up pretty badly. You're not her prince after all. You're just an ordinary frog.
Now if you really want to be her prince, you've got to woo her back and stop kissing other girls!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): Yeah I have to agree with the ladies on this one. What you did was tactless and had no class. You wanna neck on other girls when your drunk that is fine but you gotta be upfront with the girl you are dating so she can choose not to date a player. Taking a pic was just plain rude and a dumba$$ move. What was the point in rubbing it in your date's face that you are still necking on other girls as an ego boost?? Poor show. You owe her an apology for being a douche and I would suggest that you do what iamheretohelpyou said and stay single if you wanna be free to neck on with any girl when you are drunk or at least give your date the polite heads up so she can decide if she wants to continue dating a guy like that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): Oh man you mucked up. The aim of dating is to get to know one or two people well without making out with random chicks. I mean most people decide they won't kiss their date if they are dating more than one person. Kind of common courtesy mate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): Seeing each other for a month and texting a lot, then moving on to "proper dating" (even only 2-3 dates), then followed by photos of you kissing someone else on Facebook (might as well be the front page!) ... well, that's going to hurt the girl. I would assume the month prior to be non exclusive, but what about the "proper dating"? I would class any sexual activity during the proper dating period to be cheating and I'd be damn upset if I was her.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (28 April 2013):
 YouWish said it perfectly.
Just one point though...circular dating isn't actually a modern thing. People in the 40's and 50's, for example, didn't become exclusive after just one date. It was understood that both parties might date others until things developed enough to make it official. People were just more tactful about it then. They weren't sucking face in public and posting pictures of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): I'm one for bluntness.I've dated or had multiple sexual partners concurrently and come clean with the fact that I was seeing other people.They respected me for it. If that wasn't their cup of tea. They walked away with no hard feelings. Those who stayed knew what my intentions were.The danger I see with keeping it secret is that if your relationship does get serious after a while and you stop contact with your other lovers, your girlfriend might still find out accidentally that while she was busy falling in love with you, you were busy snogging other women. That will irreparably destroy the trust she has for you. Why build a relationship on a weak foundation? It's really not worth the trouble.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (27 April 2013):
 What is your definition of properly dating? There are many stages in dating. After the third date, you are still going to take her out. There will be a next time, maybe that's what you meant. Maybe it means there is a potential, that's it. For me when a guy says properly dating it means exclusivity. I think you can only get to know a person more when you focus on one person.
Circular dating is becoming the modern way of doing things. It gives you option and you don't have to risk being alone. You don't have to put all eggs in a basket. However I think a lot of people today will still agree with me that the proper way of dating is to do one at a time. No one likes to be an item in a shop to be bought when you beat others in competition.
You are technically doing nothing wrong. You like her a lot, but is it enough that if you see her facebook pic kissing another guy you can honestly say it doesn't bother you? Maybe you are not at that stage yet.
Always remember a woman's timeline is much faster than a guy.
You can stay at the casual dating stage for as long as you want, and no one would chastise you for it.
When you post pics on facebook, only you know what's the story behind those pics. Some would assume that whatever girl you kissed is your girlfriend.
If you think dating a few people is suitable to your life, then do what's best for you, but don't expect others to think the same way as you. Make sure your date understands exactly what you're trying to say when you say properly dating. You do have to say it explicitly, yes, I am dating you only, or no I am still looking around. So there will be no vagueness or misunderstanding. She is annoyed because she feels you are saying one thing and doing another.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (27 April 2013):
 Actually, you totally need another woman's opinion of the situation, since the problem is with the girl you're dating taking exception to your Facebook pictures.
No, since you're not exclusive with the girl you're dating, that means that kissing other girls isn't cheating. The issue is your intentions and her intentions. She was seeing you with the thought that if things went well, it may someday progress to a state of exclusivity.
You feeling fine about dating her while freely advertising that you like to go get drunk and get physical with other women comes across as you being a player or womanizer. It shows that you're not serious about getting to know her and having feelings other than wanting to simply have a good time with her. She's not interested in being another in a long line of women you use when you get drunk and horny.
The fact that you're not only kissing other women while dating her, but posting these pictures on Facebook is like if you and she were on a date, and while at the restaurant, you openly flirted and got a phone number from the cute waitress serving you. It comes across as douchy. You're free to date multiple women as long as you're not doing it in public in front of her, and your Facebook pictures are just that...publicly flaunting your advances to other women.
I would consider it a red flag if you were someone I was dating. I've dated more than one person before I became serious with someone, but I didn't post my dating exploits in public, because it's tacky. Imagine if you had feelings for her and wanted to take her out and had a good time...maybe made out with her, and then two nights later she posts a picture on Facebook with her all over another guy? Sure, you're not exclusive, so she's not cheating. But it would give you a bad taste in your mouth for her all the same, as if her being with you was some sort of ego game for her, and she liked showing the world all of the conquests that showed interest in her.
You're sending the wrong message if you're interested in this girl as more than a player. And if you're having sex with her already, it's unspoken that you better be exclusive, because that would be just a real jerkish thing to do to suck face with another woman before the sheets cooled off between you and the girl.
Trust me, if you are interested in her being more than some passing "good time" girl, you'll take down all of those pictures. In fact, they're not a good idea if you're interested in dating anyone for more than just one-night stands and notching your bedpost. Girls get turned off by that sort of thing, unless they're also interested in playing you and not being serious.
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