A
male
age
36-40,
*eaf4eva
writes:Did she Cop out ? We were together for 1 year and like any couples we have our ups and downs.Im not perfect and never claim to be but then again who is? The last 4 months have been a right test for both of us because we were going to move in together but i lost my job and have only just got a new one and my partner with her busy lifestyle.She was funny with me the week before so i gave her a weeks space to really think about how much she has taken on .We arranged to meet up on the tuesday.She never turned up even thou she said she would be there. So i turned up at the college after her lecture and said lets talk . She said she had to do college work with her brother (he does the same course)So next thing she starts saying that " im going to let her down in the future ,she cant take that risk because i have no job and saying she cant see it working and that, you dont know what you want (basicaly the career i chose just didnt work for me and had to push the reset button due to stress chefs know this) then she started giving mixed signals of the future with kids and house.I listened and explained my side then she started bringing up the past(as a couple we had 3 major rows in a 1 year) and the little pointless things. I said stop blaming me for everything you got to much going on in your life and you cant find time for yourself so your stressed and blaming me .Basicaly she kicked off with the me me me my my my attitude of what she wants like "i will stay home with our kids while she has a career".I think if i was really that bad of a partner she would ended the relationship a while ago i always stood by her and supported her through everything.After about 2 hours of trying to work this out she said to me " I Love you but im in love with who you were"(eyes watering) i said to her " Look is this what you want?" she burst into tears so after 5mins i said " i know what i want its you and the future we planned.. is this what you want ?" burst into tears again.I just couldnt get a straight answer out of her.So i walked her to her car hugged her (a long hug) and kissed her one last time and said " is this REALLY what you want?"..She looked at me and just cried and so did i.Have not spoke to her since friends told me to not contact her and leave her come to you .
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male
reader, deaf4eva +, writes (2 May 2013):
deaf4eva is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys ! I have done what everyone has said and just left her alone i even shut down my facebook for a bit so she cant see what im upto! I think after this 1st week i realised i'm devestated more than upset.I said to her before about picking up extra stress when she shouldn't as she said to me " you being unemployed is causing me stress"(which i thought was wrong) and picking up her familys problems like her brothers work and stupidly doing it for him she plays it out and says its a matter of pride.I told her that her problem is shes insecure and can't admitt/handle failure and you cant find balance with everything.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): I suggest you take a real break and call it a "separation."
I also suggest that you clarify with her whether or not it's okay to see (fuck) other people during this time. If you leave this subject unaddressed, a lot of times the guy in your shoes won't do it and the girl will. You are male so you usually have to actively go after other people. She is female, guys will make passes at her and all she has to do is not turn all of them down.
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A
male
reader, Spacekrust  +, writes (28 April 2013):
I was in the same place,and it's quite sad,u lose a job and u are not interesting anymore.
I can even imagine u feel bad enough about losing your job,i think she should b supportive with u in a moment like that more than ever,not pull the trigger on u.
U see who truly loves u during rough times.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (28 April 2013):
 Yes definitely do not contact her and let her come to you. A bit of time and space can help these situations enormously and will give her time to miss you. Get on with your own life, keep yourself busy and get on with doing things you like doing. You can think about her when she comes into your mind but don't dwell on her and above all don't text, ring or bang into her 'accidently'. Put forward a positive face when out and look confident and self assured even if you don't really feel it.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (27 April 2013):
 Hi
Hard as it is I agree with your friends, let her come to you.
You were serious enough to plan to move in together and now she sounds like she has lost confidence because of your work situation.
Maybe she decided you can't give her what she wants,maybe she has to 'do her thing' follow her own path.
Don't wait indefinitely, give yourself a time limit, if she doesn't come back during that time, then you will know it's over.
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