A
female
age
36-40,
*laMich88
writes:I need some help big time with my relationship! My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years!! Recently I have suspected him of cheating on me and its driving me insane! A few months ago I noticed that he wouldn't let his phone out of his sight. Usually I could pick up his phone and play a game or take a picture but as soon as I would touch his phone he'd grab it from me nonchalantly and it bothered me so I went through his phone and found emails between him and some girl. Hundreds of emails over the past fee months, a "good morning" everyday, a "goodnight" as well as dirty messages and sexual pictures! She sent him pictures and he sent her pictured as well!! I couldn't believe it. I waited a few days before I said something to him because I wanted to see what the emails would say over the next few days and to seek out his behavior. I couldn't stand it anymore so I pulled up his dirty pics he sent her and before I showed him I asked him as I was crying if there was anything I needed to know and if he was doing something behind my back and he said no no no and still continued to lie as I showed him the pictures he sent to another girl. After a few weeks I kept finding emails and telling him what I knew so he finally stopped. He never explained himself to me or tried to make things better. He said for me to just let it go let it go. I have (in a way) let it go just so I don't drive myself crazy but its really hard to not think of all the things ny boyfriend of 5 years said to another girl. The pictures and the plans to meet her which by the emails he didn't meet her. I can't trust him. I just want to be happy. So I have been trying to be at peace with everything so I after a month of not touching his phone I went through it because I had to know that the emails stopped which now they have but after I caught him he was still emailing her but that's not what is bothering me now. In his trash bin in his email was something from a dating site. I went to the site from his phone where he was still logged in. There wasn't any pictures if him but in his profile it said his user name, age, where he lived and that he was looking for discreet relationships. I flipped! I couldn't hold back so as my body was shaking and I was trembling I confronted him and he laughed and said it was "spam" mail. I would have believed it but after the emails to the other girl and the fact that the dating website knew his age and where's he from I just can't look past it. To him, he thinks I have let it go but inside I am dying and crying for help. My boyfriend who I've built a life with for almost 6 years is lying to me over and over again. He has lied to me in the past but its never been about cheating, just other things and I forgave him and now here we are and he's lying to me constantly. Is he cheating? Should I leave him? Please help. I don't know what to do or think anymore.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 December 2011):
 I agree if he doesn't know after 6 year if he wants to marry you, it isn't going to happen. IF he is a guy who believes in marriage.
In my opinion you decide that with in the first 1-2 years, though, my brother and his now wife have been together over 26 years, they only got married 5 years ago, because their daughters wanted them married. I think in their case they were both on the same page (didn't have a huge need for a wedding, but ended up doing it to secure each other and the kids financially).
A
female
reader, AlaMich88 +, writes (7 December 2011):
AlaMich88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThx To the guy posting I appreciate it and HoneyPie it's been almost 6 years not months but thx.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 You got answers from women only. I am a man. Leave the man. Don't even look back. He's obviously been cheating.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 December 2011):
I think it's a good thing he hasn't asked you - it's just one less complication.
Besides 6 months is kinda fast to get engaged at your age. IMHO.
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A
female
reader, AlaMich88 +, writes (7 December 2011):
AlaMich88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all the answers so very much! I feel a little more relieved that y'all are on the same page with my leaving him because no body knows about this. My family is 1000 miles away so its a little hard to pick up and leave. Need $ and I've been saving. Im planning to go back home next month and take a leave from work until I can clear my head and figure pit what I want. So thanks so much for the taking the time to write me and help me.
As to RESCUER who asked about why I was asking the question about him not proposing to me, it wasent bcuz I want him to marry anytime soon, hell I think im over the idea of being his wife I just more or less wanted opinions about why after almost 6 years he HASN'T PROPOSED. I clearly don't have any1 I can to about my personal life so that's why I've reached out to DearCupid in hopes of getting answers. I do think its time to go. Its hard, very much so but y'all are right he will just keeping lying if I don't step up and leave. So again thank you.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (6 December 2011):
 Yes, he wants you to get over it, after all you've been forgiving him for years. He has no respect for you because you forgive and "get over it". Look at your history with him and make a list of how many things you needed "to get over". As you say, he has always lied, but not about cheating. When the person knows they will be forgiven, that the person will be desperate and do anything to stay with them, they will go further and further. If you forgive him now and don't leave, he will continue to lie as he has in the past, except he will go further. If you think the dating site is shocking, you'll be shocked by even worse things that he will do. He doesn't love you; you need to let him go.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (6 December 2011):
 Is he cheating? Do you even need to ask?
I know it's very painful after he has been your bf for more than five years, you feel betrayed, hurt and let down - and now you know he can't be trusted.
Please, stop torturing yourself by checking his emails, and give him the boot!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 December 2011):
 You need to end things with this guy if you ever want to be in a monogamous relationship. He will never stop. You've caught him completely red-handed (it's about as close as you can get to actually walking in on him with someone else) and he continues to deny it. You need to end things with this jerk. If he hasn't physically cheated on you, he will. And he will lie about it. You won't ever be able to trust him. I'm sorry this happened, but you're really better off without this cheating jerk.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): I say its time to let the cheating loser go. Sex and getting off matters more to him than loving someone special and treating them with kindness and honouring them, knowing they get the same special love back.
Find some other Guy that KNOWS and APPRECIATES your love and affection!
Its not the lying, cheating, selfish, sex crazed idiot BF.
A HONEST MAN IN LOVE has no need for such distraction and lowly behaviours.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 December 2011):
He might not be actually physically cheating but he has been emotionally cheating with that other girl.
He never explained himself? He never did anything to help you deal with it? So basically he told you to "get over it" and accept whatever he is doing. He seems to have no respect what so ever for you.
Dating sites DO send out spam mails, but they don't fill in the spots about where you live and what you are looking for, wake up honey!
HE is NOT going to stop. If he think you have forgiven this, he will keep going and going and going.
You have spend 6 years with him, stop wasting more time. No matter how much you love this guy or how many times you "forgive" him, he isn't going to stop.
Sorry t osay - you are dating a total douche!
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