A
female
age
51-59,
*ikkic1402
writes:I met a guy 16 months ago and fell instantly in love , although I felt he was too young and good looking for me he suffers ptsd and seemed to need me . He had no money and was struggling with breakdowns etc I helped him loads with money etc . He told me his meds lowered his libido but that didn't bother me I was just happy to have him . Over the next few months we dealt with his depression anxiety , a car crash and deaths of both our grandads plus I was his first call when anything went wrong his shoulder to cry on and I felt I understood him .. I loved him and everything about him . he told me he was struggling with an addiction to crack cocaine after id been seeing him a year , I was horrified and had no idea but I stopped giving him money and instead made sure he had the things he needed I bought fuel food and clothing and made sure he was supported throughout rehab . Then over Xmas 2017 he borrowed money off my child without me knowing and I hit the roof , he admitted he had a dealer after him and was so sorry but sadly he couldn't pay my child back so I paid it but although worried about him I was angry .Then suddenly he blocked me off his phone etc I was scared he'd got into trouble and also that he was tired of me so I emailed him he told me I had never been his girlfriend and didn't want to see me anymore , I was gutted and pretty angry so I emailed him loads he contacted the police and they spoke to me about harassment he then contacted me again to borrow money he was crying and I love him so I lent him money again then I found out he has a new girlfriend , I was furious and messaged her telling her that he was a drug addict who borrows from kids , I also emailed him loads asking for my money back which resulted in a police caution ( I wasn't aggressive in my emails ) since then I've had no contact but it's destroying me I miss him I'm scared he will need me and not be able to contact me ( we have both changed mobile numbers as advised by police ) I care about him so much and I'm worried he will get in a state and do something to hurt himself Please help me
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broke up, libido, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2018): He's a no-good crack-head and a user. You're infatuated and letting loneliness get the better of you. You saw a broken-man and he touched your heart. You weren't romantically involved with anyone; so your connection grew into something for you that didn't connect with him. Thereby allowing yourself to be used.
My dear, money is a bribe in this type of situation. It's not offering help. You were offering him a financial-incentive to stick around and keep in-touch. Let's be real here! You're a very sweet and kind person; but you let yourself be taken for a ride.
When he took money from your kid, that should have been it! It should have sent shock-waves of anger and disgust through your very being!
He's a mess. Give-up on that lost-cause. You're a mature and intelligent woman. This sort of drama is beneath your dignity and rings of desperation. You need some healthy romance and should go find yourself someone of good-character and sound-health to date.
He's a piece of sh*t! A grown-man! Not a rescue-puppy needing a mama and a home. He played on your sensitivities and empathy. You exploited his weakness to create a faux-romance; and hoped he'd become emotionally-dependent.
That's not how a romance should be created; nor how it should work.
Nobody should have to tell you not to give men money. You know better than that, my dear!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2018): Thanks xx I know what your saying and if course your right both of you , I need to stop stressing about him but he's local so there's always a chance he will turn up or I will bump into him and I'm not sure if I'm actually wanting this or dreading it , I need to be much stronger , once again thanks for your advice and kind words
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (31 March 2018):
 Sweetheart, you need to leave him to his own devices. He is an addict and a user. He has basically used you for 16 months then dumped you when he could no longer get what he wanted out of you. He has even stolen from your child. Open your eyes and listen to what he is saying. You may have loved him but he just saw you as a meal ticket. Do you not deserve better? You can't "fix" him.
You obviously need to feel needed. Can you volunteer with a homeless charity or similar, where your good heart will be appreciated, not abused?
Write the money he owes you off to experience, learn from it and don't try to buy love again. You are worth more.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 March 2018):
 Good lord lady, you NEED to leave this guy alone!
Not only does he have more issues than Cosmopolitan, he is also a grown up who will HAVE to find ways to sort his life out.
The fact that he calls the POLICE on you, and then calls and begs for money should give you a BIG FAT hint that he doesn't give two fly fart about you but he knows you are EASILY manipulated into giving him money.
BLOCK his number, get a new number.
HE doesn't need you and you need to STOP enabling an addict. If you continue down this path of you thinking you are his savior, the only one who can help him you will LET him drag you down in the gutter with him.
The POLICE have told you to have NO further contact so STICK with that.
OP, he made BEFORE he met you. He probably conned other women. He will find some (pardon my English) dumb schmuck to enable his addiction and drama.
LOOK at what he did to you family! You "kids"! THAT is not OK!
NO more e-mail, no more contact WHATSOEVER! Time to let go and move on.
You are NOT his mother, he is NOT a lost puppy and he is NOT your responsibility any more.
He is TOXIC to you, and you (in your misguided attempt to help him) were actually TOXIC to him. Enabling an addict is about the worst you can do for them.
Never give or lend money you can't afford to "lose". Learn from this and don't date men like this.
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