A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I need advice. I am so confused. I am a 30 year old female in a 2 year relationship with a great guy who is just 6 years older than me. Prior to this relationship I was in a 10 year relationship with a lovely man who was 16 years older than me. I loved that man, very much and hate to say it but I still do. He broke my heart and cheated on me and my whole life turned around.These days, I find myself just so sad when I think of those 10 years, he really betray me, I loved every moment with him and now I find some other woman living what was once my life, with the man I love. 10 years is a long time and I never seen it coming because it was fine on the Monday and over on the Tuesday. This was 3 year ago.I cant help but think he was the love of my life, that one true person I felt was my soul mate, we did so much together. The day we finished , he just seem to cut ties, all ties and I suffered for months and drown in my tears every day for a year… okay so now the tears have stopped and I am left with the memories of his smile, his hugs and all the things we did.I lay awake at night feeling just hollow and numb and haunted and its slowly eating me alive and I cant take it anymore, but there isn’t anything I can do.My partner of 2 years is amazing, I do love him and adore him and he does look after me, but I don’t feel the bond I had with my ex.I feel incredibly guilty. Recently he has asked me if we can start trying for a family and to be very frank, the thought terrifies me.I just don’t think its for me and I have said this to him and on occasion he has also said that he feels we may not be ready for a family either.I never wanted a family with my ex, I felt completed and fulfilled and very happy with my situation.I don’t feel the need for sex with my partner, I just want the closeness and maybe a tiny bit of who I was back.This is driving me mad, how long should it take to get over a truly broken heart? Should I be in a relationship? There is not even the slightest hint of my ex left behind in my life other than these memories.Am I a bad person for feeling all this ? please, any advice on how to tape back together my broken heart before I drink myself into an early grave would be amazing. Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2018): [EDIT]:
"You're far beyond the threshold of getting over the guy; and it's still having an adverse-effect on your current relationship, and affecting your mental-health."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2018): When you have lingering-feelings that you just can't shake after years apart; then you need counseling. It has progressed into a state of obsession. That's beyond normal love, sweetheart! He's long-gone and living his life! With another woman!
Being rejected sometimes plays on the ego. It makes you feel like you're not good enough; and when someone takes your place, it's a stab in the heart.
You're far beyond the threshold of getting over the guy; and it's still having an adverse-effect on your current relationship, and affection your mental-health. You owe your present man all of yourself. Not a loose-thread dangling from your heart. Time to kill the drama-queen and move forward. You're living in a soap opera. Turn it off!
When your mind won't let go; you seek professional-help that will help you get to the root of the obsession. Get into rehabilitation if you're becoming alcoholic. Then talking about having babies? Are you serious?
It's likely your present boyfriend will leave you, if you have a drinking-problem. That's what I would advise him to do, if he was the original poster.
Don't say you love him, until you get-over the other guy. You're using him for an emotional-crutch. It's not love.
You are stealing love from someone, and not giving him full-reciprocation. That's unfair and deceptive. You'd rather have somebody else. You have no right to do that to anyone. There's no justification.
As for babies without a life-time commitment from the sperm-donor? Hell no!
Don't give a man babies who doesn't want to give his last-name, offer you marriage, and a stable family-home.
He'll get itchy-feet, tire of fatherhood, and leave you a single-mom struggling and heartbroken. There's enough hit-and-run dad's in this world. Kids deserve parents joined in marriage and teaching them how to maintain a real commitment. If he must leave, make him have to go through a divorce before leaving his woman and babes behind! Not just pack a bag and go!
If he can commit to knocking you up, let him commit to making you his wife first! Kids are a blessing, and they deserve something solid and real for a home!
Babies don't need alcoholic-mothers obsessed with long-gone lovers either. You need to be mentally and physically-fit!
Get some professional-counseling and get your life on track. You deserve love; but you need to be in the right-mind and ready for it. Save the babies until he's ready to settle-down and give them his last-name and their legal-birthrights. I see nothing but dysfunction waiting to happen!
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