A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My ex has been to pick up his things and we sat and chatted for a whole hour and a half and he was saying things like he needs time off work and hes not feeling well etc. He works as a Taxi Driver and lives over 200 miles away we met on the internet and were going out together for 7 months and I still love him but the reason we broke up was he kept turning off his phone whenever we were together and I asked why but he kept saying he didnt want work to bother him when he was with me but his phone was Constantly Off when it wasnt in the first 6 months of our relationship and because it was unusual behaviour I wasnt convinced by his reason for turning off his phone. To cut a long story short he STOPPED COMPLETELY Texting me and Phoning me but the one text to ask me if he could pick up his things! When he just left he asked for a hug which I gave and he drove away with "Take Care of Yourself" I was Crying inside!! But didnt show it. Then I text him 10 mins later to say I Love You Sweetheart. I got NOTHING BACK. Then I text to say "I know now you dont feel the same" still NOTHING!! HELP I LOVE THIS MAN WHAT DO I DO NOW???? I am 44 he is 42 and we got on so well together and always used to say he loved me to bits! ANY ADVICE PLEASE??? THANKYOU! We split 3 weeks ago.
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female
reader, tinkerbell01 +, writes (2 September 2007):
 i personally think that this man has been leading a double life with him living so far away and turning his phone off when ever he is with you. forget about him move on and find someone who is worth loving and not soome ass hole whos just using you for sex
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): Glad our responses helped. (I'm the woman who posted anonymously).Don't be too hard on yourself! We all do things we later wish we hadn't. Your intentions were good, and generous. He evidently realized that, since he bought the dvd you have been wanting, and some vodka.At any rate, you sound as though you recognize you can be too much of a "big softy" and have learned from this experience. That's a good outcome, ya know!Now, I'll raise a toast to you in starting off this Labor Day weekend by going out with friends (or on your own) and doing something fun - as a kick-start to the rest of your life!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): Thankyou everyone for your replies, Thinking about it now I feel such a Fool when he called for his things yesterday he brought a "Gift" with him a DVD I wanted a while agao and a newspaper and a bottle of Vodka! God he must of thought shes gonna need this! He didnt have much money and his Computer broke down 3 months ago and guess what I did...I bought him a brand new Laptop, on top of that when he owed money to a friend I paid that too! And a Tumble Dryer to dry his Clothes! I am a Big Softy at Heart and now feel he took me for a Fool! I think now its time to move on with my life and not make the silly mistake of being too Soft hearted in the next relationship. I Swear I have learned by this. What a Fool I have been with this Man oh
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): P.S. I also would not necessarily jump to the conclusion that this man has met someone else, either on the internet or in person.
There's no point in her becoming more upset thinking about something which might or might not, have no basis - and certainly no evidence of having occurred.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): I can't really agree with hiskitten that what this man did was so terrible.
He sent a text to tell her he wanted to come and get his belongings - but spent an hour and a half chatting with her. Surely there was an opportunity then to express his thoughts/feelings about their relationship, and for her to have her say?!
He did mention stress at work, and not feeling well, plus the 200 miles difference. That's not easy to cope with.
Plus, her phrase about he "kept saying he didn't want work to bother him" when he was with her, implies that she brought up the subject of a turned off phone more than once - and it bothered him. You don't have to "keep" (i.e., repeatedly) telling her the reason, otherwise. Once should have been enough.
Admittedly to suddenly stop phoning is not nice. However, I will say that when a decision is made to end a relationship its a daunting task - think about breaking the bad news and then explaining why to someone who is visibly upset. What are the choices? Take her/him out to lunch and break it after the meal? Go to his/her home and sit down for a serious talk? Make a phone call? Send an email? While all the time attempting not to make him/her feel lousy?
Some men, some women handle it better - or worse - than others.
Hopefully she will learn from this experience, and figure out what she wants and does not want, in her next relationship. Then as bubbloo24 says, have fun rediscovering herself and getting on with her life.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (30 August 2007):
 Horrendous.
So how come you didnt ask him when he came to get his stuff what was happening? or rather why?
To treat you like that is just plain nasty!
I wouldnt mind betting he met someone new on the internet and has moved on. But to not even speak about it.
I'm a bit gobsmacked to be honest. Obviously you were a bit more than that!
Sounds bad but i think you're gonna have to let go. You wont get anything out of him. He doesnt have to see you again, he lives miles away, and theres not a lot you can do about it.
He doesnt sound a decent bloke at all!
I wish there was another way, but i cant see any. Hopefully someone else might be able to suggest a best next course of action.
Good luck.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 Sorry hun, he's made up his mind. When someone hugs someone goodbye and says something like " take care of yourself" they're either not coming back, or not coming back for a looong time. And it would seem that at that point when he hugged you, he wasn't goin to change his mind. That's why he didn't reply to your text. He couldn't look back.
I don't wish to cause offence, but I think he's probably feeling that he could not live part of his life alone due to the fact that you were always texting/ringing him. He probably felt that you were too.. "clingy" and guys don't like being continually asked questions about where they've gone or what they've been up to. It's a sign to them that basically, you think they'd cheat on you. And it's a sign of your insecurities. Guys like confident and corageous girls who can stand on their on two feet without the guy feeling that they have to be constantly watching over them.
I'm sorry doll, he's not coming back. You have to realise that and realise that you have to move on now. There's no turning back point for you in this. That part of your life is over - draw a line in the sand, it was fun while it lasted but you need to turn the page and move on. Find someone and let them EARN your heart. Don't give it so easily away. Learn from the mistakes in this past relationship and take a time out. Rediscover yourself and enjoy it. Have fun during the time.
Take care.
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): Why was turning his phone off when he was with you odd behavior? And as for it being constantly off, well, surely its his phone and his decision as to how he uses it! Maybe he got fed up with you constantly quizzing him about it - and it does sound as if you did bug him, because you tell us that "he kept saying....."
Look, the guy lives 200 miles from you. Long distance relationships are never easy at the best of times.
Unfortunately for you, for whatever reason, he decided that enough was enough (maybe his health; stress; stress from your relationship, etc.) and ended it.
You should have expressed your disappointment when he was with you picking up his things. After all, you tell us he spent an hour and half talking.
Frankly, I'm not surprised he has not responded to your text. See, he ended it, and most probably thought when he hugged you and left, that that was it. Then he receives your text.
What do you do now? You do nothing in regard to him. No more texts, emails or phone calls.
You grieve for a while, but at the same time, make plans to go on with your life. This may feel like the end of the world, but really it isn't. You'll be okay.
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