A
female
age
30-35,
*bhdt
writes:So I need help getting over my ex, we split up last summer after being together for just over a year as i found out that he had been cheating on me after several times after i had already forgiven him for doing it once before. And the thing that made it worse was he knew that i had been through alot before we got together and that this made it really difficult for me to trust but eventually i got to a place where i would have trusted him with my life then he broke my heart. Although we spit up around six months ago and despite what he did i have recently found myself thinking about him all the time and really wanting him back. Even though i know i cant trust him and he is completely wrong for me I cant stop thinking about him and how happy i was when we were together but i know i need to get over him as i am sabotaging any other relationship i begin to form. I suppose i am just really looking for advice on how to get over him for good and get back the trust that i have once again lost as i feel like its getting a little pathetic now holding on to what we had in the past even though i know in my head he will hurt me again.Thanks in advance
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female
reader, lions go rawr  +, writes (19 March 2015):
I can feel for you. Getting over an abusive relationship, and yes, that was abusive, is a hard thing to do. Unless one has gone through such a thing, they simply don't understand. This is what worked for me, and I genuinely hope it works for you too. Make a list of all the things you hated about him. Categorize it after you've made it. Make a category for looks, hygeine, health, habits, friends, and anything else that got on your nerves. make sure this list is only filled with negative things. If you think of anything 'positive', don't list it on here. Bringing up all these things should snap you out of your romanticized thoughts about him and potentially your previousl relationship. If you're blood isn't boiling by the time you finish the list, you need to think of worse things. Don't be afraid to get mad, because he did you wrong. By all means, list how he's a good-for-nothing cheater, liar and manipulator. Do your best to envision yourself walking in on him having sex with a different girl. That should get you seeing red. You're smart. You know he'll only hurt you again if you give him the chance to. So make sure you always remember that. Keep the list with you, and pull it out whenever you start to think of him in a positive light. It should help you remember that he's not a good guy, and that you deserve someone who will treat you like the queen you are.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 March 2015):
 OP: As I read through your submittal, I couldn't help but believe that you are, deliberately, some sort of masochist who enjoys being abused romantically, emotionally, spiritually, and any OTHER kind of "...ly" that this cad can inflict upon you.....
C'MON!!!! Put on your "big girl" panties, puff out your chest, and say: "Whew!!!...that guy really IS one of the World's great a$$holes... and I am lucky to finally be rid of him..."
Once you do that, I promise, you'll feel better and won't feel that you could/should/would want him back...
Time will heal the other wounds that you must - eventually - put behind you...
Good luck, and God Bless....
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (17 March 2015):
 Try to look at the situation like this..would you walk barefoot over a bed of burning hot coals or broken glass? Of course not right? You could get hurt very badly.
So why even consider going back into a relationship where you were really hurt? Why knowingly put your heart in danger?
He isn't worth your time or your tears. He's proven to you that he can't be trusted. Why dwell on a few good memories that are in the past?
The best advice I can offer is for you to accept that the relationship is over. He didn't put you first and he didn't care if he hurt you. You deserve better! I realize you are sad, wanting what you no longer have and that makes you miss him but he really didn't offer you anything but pain, sweetie.
Think of yourself and your happiness. Put yourself first. Tell yourself that you need more than he was willing to give. Let go of the past and look toward the future. Look for someone who is going to be honest, faithful and trustworthy. There are many guys out there that know how to treat a girl right. You just have to be open and willing to let them have a chance. Staying in the past with old memories is keeping the door shut. Open it!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 March 2015):
 Honey a guy who had been cheating on you several times have no remorse and son't GIVE a fly's FART about your feelings. He ISN'T mature enough for an actual relationship, one that includes being faithful.
How do you "get over" him? By accepting that CHEATING is WHAT this guy does. He COULD have broken up with you IF he wanted to BE with others or be single, but he chose to ABSOLUTELY disrespect you and treat you like you were a moron. THAT is NOT the traits of a Keeper.
There is NO point in trying to trust this guy again, HE has already shown you he is NOT to BE trusted.
Basically - STOP wasting your time on this fella.
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