A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It's been nearly 7 months since I split up with my ex, and whilst I am gradually feeling happier, I still go through the odd occasion where I am filled with so much anger toward him and I don't know how to get rid of it. I feel like he completely fooled me. He was the loveliest, most amazing friend a girl could have, but that soon changed. I was thrilled when he asked me to be his girlfriend. He said he wanted a serious relationship, and his previous one was nearly 5 years so he had a good track record. He mentioned he wanted marriage and children with me and seemed very serious about it. Anyway, 2 months into the relationship we made love and the relationship steeply declined from then on until he dumped me 6 weeks later. During this 6 weeks, he would invite me out but ignore me most of the time and when he did speak to me he would be unkind. He was so cold and unkind when he broke it off with me, I couldn't believe it was the same person I had built, what I thought, was such a strong friendship. I just feel like I have been used for sex and that is all he was interested in from me. I don't think he wanted a serious relationship at all, but lied that he did to get me into bed. I thought he was above that sort of thing. It has crossed my mind that maybe he was using me as revenge against his ex girlfriend who had cheated on him with another man or he was punishing me because of the way she treated him. I know he was devastated at their break-up. He was so casual about getting rid of me, I was stunned. There was no remorse about it all - he looked relieved and happy as if I had been a millstone around his neck, and yet I treated him so amazing. I told him I felt like something he had wiped off his shoe - and he smiled!!! He wanted us to be good friends after all this which I couldn't believe. 5 weeks later he came over and told me about a girl he had met and whether he should ask her out, after having told me that he was too busy for a relationship! What a crock of, well, you know! I couldn't believe the gall of the guy, after I had loved, supported, encouraged him, etc, here he was telling me about another girl! I had endured him talking about his ex and other girls at the tale end of the relationship and now he was making me feel even more invisible to him. Well, all I have been left with is a profound lack of trust in men now (this was a guy I had known since he was a baby so I'd have thought I would have known him abit by now but obviously not at all) and this occasional bitterness that wells up in me about my ex that I don't know how to get rid of because I don't know what to do with it. I know you wonderful people will be able to help me!!!
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ex girlfriend, his ex, my ex, revenge, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bemused  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 Hi sweetie. I am hearing you. This is not a good situation. It is not a good thing for you when you open up to someone and then get your heart crushed in the process. What is the saying? Once bitten, twice shy. You said in your post that this happenend seven months ago and what you describe sounds like the grieving process. It sounds like the breakup took more of a toll on you than the relationship. I am wondering if you have a record in your head of the things that happended and it has become a habit for you to replay it. Might that be keeping you stuck and make it harder to move on. Have you been active socially and going out with your friends in the last few months? Yes, this guys sounds like a waste of space. Somewhere there is a guy who will appreciate all the things this other clown did not. Good luck xxx
A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 Hi,sorry about what has happened to you ,believe me it happens to all of us. Just be positive you would find someone that really does love you and the your so called friend would see what he missed out on. I think you should not have contact with him to start the proccess of getting over him. Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007): I can't believe this guy would do something like that to you. It really sucks how a bad relationship with a man makes it hard for us women to find good men. Vice versa. One bad experience can really effect us women.
Just take one day at a time. You don't deserve a jerk like that. That just makes me mad.
Keep your head up.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 You fell into the hands of a very bad man, and I understand your feeling bitter. Also, I think you're right about being used. I would find it very difficult not to feel the way you're feeling now.
As to getting rid of the bitterness, I may sound too old-fashioned, but I truly believe that the only way for you to feel better is to stop thinking about this. It cannot be changed. The man will not stop being a bastard. But, your pain and bitterness, there we can do something.
For as long as you keep thinking on what he did to you, he will continue to have an influence over you. It will be as if he continued to give you that kind of treatment. If you let the bitterness go away, one fine morning you will wake up without feeling an oppression in your chest. Try to be happy from now on, and you won't waste your present regretting your past.
As to feeling mistrust of all men, I don't think that is justified. Yes, you thought you knew this man, and then he failed miserably. You felt like he was above of the rest. Well, here's a mistake: he was a man like the rest of us. He may be better where we all fail, and then he will fail where no one else does. No man is perfect, madam, but I'm sure not all of us are like this particular man, either. We all have flaws, but, we have virtues, too.
I think you should approach these issues one at a time. Try to forget about him first, and then you might try to find someone who will really appreciate your worth.
I hope this helps. If not, keep us updated. All we agony aunts will try to do our best.
Cheer up, madam.
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