A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok...so, i came out to my really close friends about 2 months ago and it still scares me a little when they bring it up. i'm so used to hiding that i'm gay, which i'm still hiding from most everyone. anyway this really close friend of mine that i had told (he's gay too), told his sister about me. and it wasn't as though i was afraid that she would be offended or anything, she's a lesbian too. but i had told him before not to tell anyone becasue i needed to do it on my own. when i found out he'd told her i was already a little miffed, but then he brought up the subject in front of me to her. i was having this small problem with a guy trying to "fix me"...anyway, i just wanted to crawl into a hole after that. i know he was only trying to help, but it really bothered me that he a) told his sister that i was a lesbian in the first place and b) that he brought up my problems that i'd told him in confidence to her..and in front of me no less. i already confronted him on it, and he said that it was ok, everyone there knew what i was going through and stuff, but it still bothers me that he did it.so is there anything i can do? i'm too embarrassed to ever talk to his sister again...i feel like she's gnna judge me or something. but my main problem is my friend. i can understand telling someone so they could help me, but i can't get rid of the feeling that he broke my confidence and made me feel like an idiot
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 March 2010):
The problem with secrets is they can bring a lot of stress on the person having to keep them. In this case, your friend felt it was too much to handle by himself, so told his sister. I'm not saying it's right, but what I am saying is that there are times when people have to talk about how they feel, and your friend felt that it was the time. Also remember that his sister is a lesbian, and he probably genuinely thought that he was helping you because she has been through all this before. She won't judge you, because she knows how you feel. She won't think you're an idiot, because she knows how you feel. Yes, he broke your confidence. But forgive him. You can't continually hide who you are, and in the long term this will actually help you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): hey hunny, listen, i know you will think that your friends sister who is also a lesbian will judge you but hunny she probably felt the exact same way that you were feeling when she decided to come out with it to her friends and family... i suggest you talk to her. i know it will probably feel awkward at first but she will not jugde you she will understand what you are going trough. telling people that you are gay is not an easy thing to do. im a bi-sexual and that was hard enough but people understood. there will be some that wont but that is there problem not yours. dont be afraid of who you are. like i said ask her how she felt about coming out to the world about being gay and you may find that she may have felt the same way. as for your friend who told you are right it was not his place to say anything and you have to make that clear tohim that he ant do it again. tell him how you feel he will understand if hes a true friend that wot he did was wrong but dnt let it get you down too much. all it takes is a little comunication between you to make things better. talk to him in a calm way dont accuse him but try to kake him understand that it hurt you that he told people wen you wernt ready. he will understnad like i said. maybe when talking to him ask him to think about when he first started to come out with the fact that he was gay... ask him how he mite have felt if his truely close friend went and told someone about his sexuality wen he wasnt ready. dont dwell on it too much hunny at the end of the day it may just have been an honest slip up. his sister dosent have any problems wth your sexuality from wot you;ve written so theres no need to feel embarressed. if yournot sure you can trust him try to build it back up again. im sure things will work out sooner or later.good luck xx
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