A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im 28 yrs old, and was with one guy for 8 years. We had ups and downs like any relationship, but we always admired and respected each other enough to work through our differences...We were living in a house together for 2 years, things were going downhill and we both knew it. One day we decided he should go to his hometown for the summer and work for his dad, as his career was going absolutly nowhere. I agreed under his terms that this would be his last chance to prove he wasn't failing us in the relationship.All summer, communication was breaking down, we hardly spoke..I started to fear that he was cheating on me. He stopped calling, he moved from his dad's and didn't tell me. My heart started breaking when I realized the only person whos life he seemed to care about was his own. That November I left and moved back to my home state, only to find out in january he was dating someone new and apparently in love too. I have been tortured ever since. The way he ended it after 8 yrs is agonizing....So my question is, How could someone do this to someone they care about in such a cowardly way??? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (5 February 2007):
 You said things were going downhill when you lived together and you both knew it! That's the FIRST clue! You both decided he should move to work with his dad so that he wouldn't FAIL you???? Jeeeeeze, poor guy that he has to prove himself to you.
Here is my honest opinion. I personally think this man was desperate for a way out and moving to work for his dad was his escape. He didn't love you, nowhere near it. Once he moved away, communication broke down and he began to live his own life again and do his own thing. He doesn't owe you anything, okay so you were in a relationship but it was already floundering, you admitted that. Once away and on his own again, he's got his life in order again, found work, a place of his own to live and now a woman he can really love. I have no doubts that at one time you were both pretty close but this relationship definitely wasn't to be. When he left to work for his dad you should set him free. It's hard enough for long distance relationships to survive when you have a strong, solid relationship but yours was anything but strong.
You come across in your letter as a very strong, domineering woman and I feel doing what he did was the only way he could see of breaking free. I know it's not what you want to hear but nevertheless I'm being candid here and telling you it like I see it.
Move on with your life now like he's done and remember the good times you had together. Life is too short to hold grudges and torture yourself the way you've been doing. Put closure on this relationship now, only when you DO this will you be able to move on and fine someone you can really love and who will genuinely love you back in return.
Eve
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): your both partly to blame as you both knew the relationship was dying but obviously did nothing to solve or end it.
yes he was a coward and should of at least been honest with you after 8 years, but maybe after eight years of loving someone he couldnt face looking you in the eyes and hurting you.
all i can say is move on, love hurts but it heals too, your still young, you can go out now and have some fun with life. eventually you'll find the man your supposed to be with who will love you as much as you love him.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (5 February 2007):
 Hi
Maybe he didnt have the courage to tell you to your face. I know you are hurting now, but you will get over it. You will move on and find a man that will love you more than you ever expected. Try to keep yourself busy, and see your friends more. Do things to make yourself feel better, try to spoil yourself a bit.
Heart's do heal, but it takes a while. In the meantime, try not to analize why he did this, and think of yourself. There is nothing anyone can say that will make you feel better, but believe me, you will do it yourself eventually.
Everthing is a learning curve, we learn from good and bad.
Keep your chin up and try to smile, your in the U.S.A.
Im in England and its blooming freezing here, and really grey. See you have lots to be gratefull for already XX
PLEASE SMILE
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